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OT How do you break a young Buc that won't behave?

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PeteTheRookie

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things have gone from bad to worse with our 14 yr old son who is a HS freshman. At the beginning of football season we agreed to sign the consent form if he agreed to get passing grades and at least maintain a C average .
As per his usual MO, football comes 1st. His coaches have been little help. Had him playing Freshman, JV and even some Varsity games. They never checked his grades and when I brought up with them he IS failing I was informed that they do not check grades until end of 1st qtr. Football is OVER by then.
We have lost all control over this 6 ft, 150 lbs of pure muscle kid. He skirts all rules, by passes punishments and makes us miserable when we attempt to discipline him. Turn off phone and he just does not come home. find evidence of pot use, suspect he may be smoking more then that.
After threatening him with throwing his butt out of the house he laughs at us knowing under today legal system we cannot do it.
If this were the turn of the century I would surely have him shanghighed into the service.
called the local PD last nite to inform them he did not come home and we do not know where he IS.
 

"spare the rod" sure looked good on paper huh?????????? Now, you expect the coaches to do what you should do........ Took 14 years to get to this point, don't expect a quick fix if at all....... If you suspect drugs, turn him in before he hurts someone else's kids or you and his mom... It ain't just you that it's effecting..... Think about a neighbor... Him and his buddies break in a place for drug money, gets shot, and the neighbor has to live with shootin a kid that the parents shoulda steered right to begin with..

You asked............
 
if it were only that easy. one if I did that here in suburban Maine I'd get arrested quicker then he would for hitting me.
Second, after 4 years of perfecting his position of defensive tackle I 'd need a bat and the element of surprise and even then I probably would still lose.
 
Cry .... or at least get his mum to cry. If there is any chance of helping him then this just might hit the point.....? Sure as h*ll worked in our house. My father was a big tough man, but when one of my siblings went off skew a bit and we seen Dad cry it really struck home that we were not to do wrong for fear of upsetting him.
Sam
 
You have my sympathy. I have a 40 y/o that breaks my heart. At the same age he started acting out. Well if they hang out with the bad kids and dopeheads they ARE one. Face that reality. it takes fulltime parental supervision and I don't mean Mamas. reschedule your work so if he isn't in class you are with him.Don't give him the chance to hang out with his buddies unsupervised. Load him with activities with YOU. Most school athletics are run by a jock who wants to win,not build character.Check grades and homework assignments with the teacher. Wake up that he's out of control and it's not the schools fault,it's yours. Shoulder the resonsibility or throw him away. I have a 20 y/o that I made my job and he's the opposite. Good luck,you need it.
 
the drug deal is serious u gota do something and do it now get him help and get him clean i was in high school in early 80s seen alot of teenagers ruined from drugs pot leads to other drugs do whatever it takes
 
I'm sorry for the position you're in. First off, you need to find leverage. Take away everything he has, including football. If he won't come home get him into the family court system. Play hardball. If he's into pot he's likely into other stuff too. There are over the counter urine test kits.

If he laughs at this stuff then you need to make him sorry he thought that way. Just be warned that you are in for a terrible 10 years or so at least.
 
IT IS NOT the coaches responsibiliy to check his grades or to remove him from the team, IT IS the parents. As for drug use IT IS time right now for rehab. Did not do that great a job as a dad either; both sons are now great men, husbands and fathers. GOOD LUCK!
 
Dave2,
I agree with the spare the rod comment and the get him arrested. I did discipline my boys. What happened with the 14 yr old is that once he starting playing football his coaches filled his head with the dream that he was going to go all the way to the NFL. AND he got bigger and stronger then me in 8th grade. I was no longer able to physically discipline him. The school also pushed the Football star thru 8th grade with failing grades. "We don"t keep them back anymore for failing grades." He got passing scores on his standardized tests so we will let him graduate."
So the whole time I was trying to keep after him on his grades, they gave lip service to the Family, School, Football mantra while in practice and action it was Football, Football, Football.
ALL my "grades matter" proved to him to be BS.

He also is a total charmer and highly manipulative SOB. Up until I called the Athletic Dir and informed him of my sons failing grades he was a total STAR at the local HS. Oh, and they dod not check grades until end of 1st marking period when Football is OVER!

He called one day from the front desk at school. Asked I get him a Wheaties supper dupper bar and drop it of at school as they had a away game. I got their and the receptionist was all excited I got his protein bar? "Oh, great, he has called me a few times, he"ll be happy it"s here." I was like WT? So i go out to the car. My other son tells me we have to go back in and grab the bar and drive it around to the bus because FB team is already on the bus. I say to myself, My gawd, this kid has this place eating out of his hand.
I go back in like a idiot, and there is the 60 something year old receptionist LITERALLY running down the all to get across to the other side of the school to get this "14 yr old" his protein bar. She did not hear me as I called after her.
I left.

If I could I would get him fake papers, sign him up for the Marines.

Pete
 
Get a copy of "Have A New Kid By Friday" by a man named Leman. It works.
And odnt" try to beat it into him, that won"t work.
 
I'd personally stick to my guns on the football thing.

Just because the coaches don't check grades till it's too late doesn't mean you can't.

And there's no school system in the country that can keep a kid on a team if the parent doesn't want him there.

I'd let him know that in fairness to his TEAMMATES that you're not going to remove him on the spot - but I'd put some goals in place for this point forward.

If he gets one more test score below X - or misses any more assignments - that kind of thing - Then it's an instant drop from the team.

Clearly put the ball in his court so to speak.

School comes first, football second - there's no two ways about it.

(and get a direct line to the teachers, let them know what you're doing - and let THEM get you the info on test grades etc - don't expect HIM to report it you you accurately!)
 
Tough situation... as for football, it's not the coaches responsibility, but it's a black mark on them that they won't assist you. As one small step, can you you demand the consent form back? Tear it up if you can...
 
You start raiseing your children when they are little people.In most cases its to late to start when they are 14. If the laws were diff. and you wouldn"t be arested he could still be straightened out.
 
There comes a time when you have to beat his azz to get his attention. If you can't do it hire it done. Specifically hire an off duty LEO to baby sit him. Get that Leo to bring in drug dogs. Off the record of course. Get him drug tested. Yank his football priveledges till he straitens out. Get LEO to run him through the prison system and let him spend a night in the can with Bubba.

Avoid the court system till the last resort. If he turns himself around he won't need a record.

Time for some tough love.
 
Bret,
Nothing seems to work. Shut down his phone and you can't attempt to find him. Trying right now to sneak a tracker on his phone.

AND ALL OF YOU POSTERS THAT DONT GET IT!
HE IS BIGGER, STRONGER THEN ME! I just had knee surgery. And your hindsight quarterbacking is NOT helpful. So spare me the lectures.

Yes, my fathering could have been better.
As 911 relocatee's, as in my biz in NY was failing afterwards we had to move or go bankrupt.
The net result of this was me having to travel too much for work. My son adjusted well and made friends both times we HAD TO MOVE.

When I asked a Coach for some help in 8th grade he told me "that is a parenting issue".
Kinda of hard to get it thru to a kid grades matter when the football coaches and schools actions tell the kid otherwise.

Last week I signed up for a advanced recruiting site so he could read that it takes grades and extra curriculum activities, and talent to get recruited. He "got" it. Too late.

6 weeks ago, 4 weeks ago and last week forward the grades to the coach we was having luke play on ALL 3 squads so he could win, win, win!
Only after I CC'ed the school superintendent did they finally suspend him from sports.

So now he is punishing my and my wife for the
"parenting".
 
I worked in a Juvenile Detention Facility (Boot Camp style) for years. Got'em up at 5 a.m. and worked until after dark.

What I learned is...they will not change unless they want to. Most, just put on a front and did their time (1 to 2 years). Had a few sent back to repeat their time. They would do good while in the program but once they got back to their old environment they again fell into the same bad behaviors.

You could try moving to an isolated area and home school. You would have to totally isolate him from everyone. Because he will/can find the "bad" group in any locale. Therefore, I'm talking TOTAL isolation. This is not 'short-term". It needs to be for years. It's a huge sacrifice on your part.

I had to do this with my son and it has taken almost 15 years. All the time in jails (Army and civilian),did not phase him. Once, CID had him jailed for investigation for murder. The man they thought he murdered had AWOL'ed and was caught about a week later. Drugs bring them down a bad road. I have no doubt he would have been dead or in prison if he had not been isolated away from those choices.

I have been out of the juvenile job for 8 years. I check on our state prisoner database periodically and search for names of the youth we had in our facility. Many are listed. The national average of the young adults that get 'sent off' and recommit crimes is 9 out of 10.

Only 1 out of every 10 of the youth have a chance of making it.

Good Luck
 
Pete
Sorry to hear bout your boy. I've raised three of em, ages 28, 24, and 20. All did sports while growing up. In our school district, if you ain't passing, you ain't playing. You must go to practice and get your grades up before playing!
My youngest was failing during the middle of wrestling season in his junior year. He sat and watched many matches before he got his grades back up and that year he went on to finish seventh in the state. I would definately talk to the athletic director and find out what their policy is. If he cant give a answer, go to the principal or school board!
If your in trouble with the law.........policy is the same here. Like others have said, tough love might work. I've seen it do the opposite too. Hopefully, this is just a phase he's going thru and you can get him back on the right track. I wish you the best with him.
 
Dean,
The off duty LEO is a great idea.
Now to find one. Where do I go. Prob best to avoid local PD?

Drug test is a moat point as I have found enough smoking paraphernalia to confirm he is smoking pot.
Suspect he has at least tried more then that.

Buying new kid by friday right now.
 
Encourage him to go into politics as it sounds like he has a perfect personality for the field.

BTW we have a 40 year old just like him.
 
Positivism. With a solidly proactive attitude assist him with his homework. Get the assignments from school (most are now on line for every student and parent to access so there are no "we don"t have any homework in that class" statements.)
If the homework is outside of your experience, find a tutor or helper to make it happen.
take him places and hunt or fish with him.
The opportunity to Text and Tweet, and surf the net should be conditional on filling the academic requirements for continuing in sports.
Provide a reality check on the future of those using hard drugs by showing the future of those who fail out of education.
His willingness to focus recklessly on Football is good in the sense that doing well in a sport is difficult. Channel that strength into constructive activity. Help a neighbor with a lawn or maintenance project that takes both of you. Filling his time with engaged activity is a key element to prevent the destructive influence of Peers that are dragging him to the wrong edge.
Moderate tough is OK if seen as helpful. Real tough will drive him to the "other side".
It is complex, and will take as much time and effort as you and your (assumption) wife can put into it. How much is he worth. Jim
 
Pete, I am sorry for what you are going through and will pray for you and your family. I grew up in a family of 6 kids and my youngest brother was like that. It is not always poor parenting. I think you pretty well described the problem and it is the outside influence. The others are telling him what he wants to hear as opposed to what you are saying. And the drugs are poor choice of friends. There is no easy solution. My dad said the hardest thing he ever did in life was when he kicked my brother out. It still didn't help. It wasn't until he was married and had a child that HE decided he needed to turn things around. Only thing I can suggest is an attempt to reach his heart. Tell him you love him but things cannot continue this way. If there is one thing that you both enjoy doing together try to spend more time doing that.
Parenting is the hardest and sometimes least rewarding job in life.
 
Sit his azz down and give him a choice.
Either do what you want. Make him work, lots of it and pay him too. (work keeps kids out of trouble)
Or....Have the cops come to the house and remove him for a while.
Have him see the show scared straight. (basically a bunch of teenage punks are taken to a real prison with all the low lifes that are there and the kids get the fear of God put in them)
If none of this works then get a guy larger than him that you know to stomp his azz into the dirt, without broken bones.
 
Our oldest son will tell you to this day that the worst feeling in the world,the one that sobers you up and makes you straighten up is when you realize that your parents have totally given up on you.

And we did. I can't say that we really told him that we gave up or that he was on his own,but we just dropped it. Let him fail on his own. He has a college education,a super career,wants to own the farm and travels the world for pleasure.
Giving up on him did wonders for him.
 
My father told all of us kids. If you think you are to old to go by the rules of the house. You can leave. My 15 year old brother took him up on it. So my father drove him to the next town and dropped him off. Well after spending the night on a very cold December night on the street. Then walking ten miles back home. He decided the rules really were not that hard to follow.

As for the drugs. You can show him this.<p

>Boy because that is what you are. You are not a man and never will be.You had better get your act together. Because there will come a day when you will find yourself sitting on the street with no place to go.


Don't think any of your buddies are going to come to your aid. Because most of them will be dead or in prison. You can ask my 35 year old son about that. Most of his drug buddies never made it past 20.


You may think your a football jock and popular now. But trust me when you are off the team. The only thing people are going to call you. Is the looser that got kicked off the team. Most won't even remember your name.<br

>

Life is not fair or easy. No one is going to give you anything for nothing.You have two choices. Keep going the way you are and get ready for a life on the street or death.Get your act together,get your education. Get a job when the time comes. Find a good women and settle down for a long and happy life.


Remember I don't know you. But I have seen plenty like you.Some were being hauled off to the morgue and some were standing on the street begging for money. Saw a lot more of you locked behind prison walls.
So for what it is worth from a 62 year old man. I hope you make the right choice.
 
Well tough situation you have going on and there will be no "easy" solutions but I can tell you that doing nothing will not fix a thing.

First, as a former elite high school athlete (many decades ago) I had the experience of playing for many coaches. Eventually I also coached JV and then Varsity sports for several years. Any coach worth his salt should stress the following order of importance.
1) Your religion comes first in your life.
2) Your family comes second in you life.
3) Your schoolwork comes third in your life.
4) This sport comes fourth in your life.

Already sounds like your coach and school system is a doosey. Regardless, Permision to practice and play in games is needed by parents and can be revoked at any time. If you decide to revoke it, make sure to communicate to the team and the coaches that it was your son who let everyone down by not living up to his end of the bargain. When he again meets his end of the bargain permession to play will be re-instated instantly. Grades are easily checked anymore with teachers and usually even availble for online viewing by students, coaches and parents.

Lastly, I was also bigger than my dad by 8th grade (and he was 6' 2"). He always said it made no differnce if he was 80 that I would never whip him even if he needed a 2x4 or a baseball bat whatever. He was right too as I never would have swung on my dad unless was doing something really bad (which he never did).

Anyway, whatever course you choose be prepared to follow through with it as idle threats are useless and kids know it. I knew my dad would follow through to the most stubborn degree necessary and that he would never take the easey way out - even if that meant he got arrested and I got arrested and ended up in foster care. Sometimes you have to seemingly lose a battle to win a war.
 
Believe me I know he is politician material.

We have tried the let me help you, do you want a tutor. He got caught copying HW and got both himself and a fellow player in trouble.

I can not stress enough how bad the "push him thru even though he failed eight grade" got processed in his immature mind.
He has come to believe he can "game" the system with BS, smiles, and white and out right lies.
He was fine thru 6th grade. Good grades, rave feedback from all his friends parents.
BTW, football started in 7th grade. In 8th grade his team went undefeated and took home the Golden Ball trophy after a 16 year drought.
HS football allowed him to "hang out" juniors and seniors who have been a bad influence too.

I will keep trying but with a older son with Aspergers, a 10yr with LD's and my biz in a shambles do to too many moves and too much stress at home, my patience, ability and resources are limited.

Agree with too tough and they go totally over to the dark side.
He has to make decision to change. Worry that he is addicted to something stronger then his will to change.
Moving to remote location not doable with other kids and their disabilities.

But my wife and I and his siblings can not continue to live like this.

Using off duty LEO's that can tag team him 24/7 best idea so far, but that is most likely more $$$ then I got.
He sneaks out behind house to smoke after we all go to sleep. I can't stay up all nite.

Now I have to make phone calls to try and find him? Or do I just wait until he runs out of money and friends or has to come home for school clothes to keep up his "Golden" image at school.
IF he fails to show up by dark I will call PD again and they will most likely go look for him as he is a minor.

He was away for 10 days this summer and my wife and I and our two other sons enjoyed the peace and normality we have not had in too long. Then he came back and it started all right back up.
Was a rude awakening to just how manipulative he is.

Tks everyone who contributed suggestions.
Pete
 
Pete, I feel your pain, my son just turned 24, he was a late life surprise, and has turned into what I call a 'user'. I don't mean using drugs but using my wife and myself, to a degree. I've pretty much cut him off. The saddest part of this thread you started is, there's a whole generation of 'users' out there and I'll take my part of the guilt in allowing it to come to this. I was raised by parents that grew up during the Depression. They didn't believe in giving children much and were right in doing so. I wanted my kid to have the things that I didn't and now am suffering the consequences. I have no cut and dried answers for you, just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this battle. I have several friends that are in the same boat.
 
Is there any chance that there are professional football players which would be willing to try to help a kid who desperately needs but does not want it? Just a wild thought.
 
"Lastly, I was also bigger than my dad by 8th grade (and he was 6' 2"). He always said it made no differnce if he was 80 that I would never whip him even if he needed a 2x4 or a baseball bat whatever. He was right too as I never would have swung on my dad unless was doing something really bad (which he never did). "

These days are long GONE. Kids today know parents can't hit them. Why do you think so many of them are so disrespectful?

We made it perfectly clear we are not tolerating any violence or abuse. Will call PD and get you hauled out ASAP. The violence part is easy to prove. The family abuse impossible.

I HAVE gotten him suspended from football. It took a lot more then it should have to get it to happen, IE, coach dragged it out. I had to elevate it to point where I involved the superintendent. NOW I am labeled as difficult parent in the athletics dept.

As I have said in prior posts, If I had my way, It would be to get him outta here. But in today's abundant society that is not as simply as telling him to shape up or pack his bags and get out. I have a wife, and two other kids to think about.

I'm signing off for now.
Tks everyone for listening.

Pete
 
Wow, I for one feel for your dilemma. It's obvious he's been hanging around with the wrong crowd for a while now, such a pity. Since he claims to be knowledgable with what you as a parent can or can't do then maybe it's time to do the legal thing and send him to someone who can lead him down another path. This place is near us and I've seen several troubled young men go in and come back out a different person. It's probably not cheap and I doubt they accept every kid but it might be worth looking into.
Go in a kid, come out a Man
 
I have 15 year old son that is a pretty good kid. I think the discipline battle is won or lost when they are pretty young. On the other side if he decided to start going against me I would have no problem at all kicking his a$$ out of the house.
 
Pete I know exactly how you feel. It is a day to day batlle with kids. I don't think there is any one who has the answer to you situation, as all kids are different. When I was raising mine I talked, begged, pleaded, etc with them. They did basically as they pleased. If it were to do over I would have told them what was expected only one time, then went on my way. I think mine liked to trip my trigger to get a response out of me, therefore if I did not get agitated and showed no emotion it may have worked better. Remember you can set the example, live the right way, be a good parent, but it is up to our children to make the right choice. There has been a lot of parents who have ruined their life worrying about their kids. Best of luck!!! Read this saying before: Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a duck. In other words, I took it to mean it is a long slow process.
 
if he has illeagel substanses in your house you are responsible as the homeowner. call the police and have them come out with their nice big (drug sniffing) dog and wake him up if the boys in blue find him holding on to pot or worse they can haul him away and if he goes off you will have the L.E. officers there to help you out
 
I have an older brother that was pretty much like that. A hitch in the service didn't do anything to make him change his ways.

Now he's 81 years old and doesn't have very much more sense than he did when he was a kid.

Not all cases are winable.
 
I wouldn't give a rats )#($ about being labled a difficult parent by some clowns in an eigth grade sports program.

In fact, I might even be proud of it.

Your son needs solid guidance and a good example. Remind your son that there will always be people out there motivated by self interest, willing to take advantage of you. That's what his coaches are. They don't care about HIM, they just want a winning team.

A few years from now when he's failed his classes and trying to decide what to do with his life, you think those coaches are going to help him out!!? They'll be too focused on the next kid who can catch a ball.

Remind your son of that.

Other than the football, kids will always push the boundaries.

You can't know right from wrong without doing a little wrong along the way.

Somebody said parenting is like getting pecked to death by a duck - I like that, but I think it can also be turned around. Good parenting is a result of many little decisions and actions.

You're never going to sit your kid down - smack him around for all that he's done wrong - and hope his life takes a new route for the better.

It takes a million small corrections.

So I say don't be looking for one fix, just keep making the right small fixes. Draw solid boundaries that can't be crossed and make them clear.

He's old enough now to start considering what kind of man he wants to be in this world.

Remind him that it's no longer up to you to shape him, but that's up to him to decide, and the decisions he makes now will determine what he becomes later.

When my son does something wrong, I tell him that if that's the kind of person he wants to be, then it's his choice, nothing I can do to stop him. And I can usually leave it at that.
 
I taught school for 30 years and also raised a family. I would frequently work with parents dealing with an unruly child. First, I think you and his coach are not on the same page. The coach cares about winning and you have your child's interests in mind. You can pull him from the team any time you want to. If the coach won't agree, go to the principal. Fail a test and you don't play this week. Second, you and your wife have to agree on everything. If your son sees daylight between you he will play one against the other. Be consistent, do not lighten up or you will be back to square one. Third, your son is bound to want things, just like every child. Carrot on a stick can be a motivator. Hope this helps, Ellis
 
I grieve for you! You need more than the advice of a bunch of amaturs here; you need professional help.
I'd urge you to call 417-779-5374 and ask for Ken. Get some counselling from him.
 
my grandfather's brother back talked his dad one time at 21 years old after he beat up my grandfather his dad hit with a chair with rawhide for the seat knocked him out cold turned to his son's wife to pour a bucket of water on him and tell him when he came to that his dad had came to see him never had any more trouble but this was in the late 30's
 
Check with the state on elderly abuse laws. If he hits one of you. You should be able to have him arrested.

We had a kid do that in this town. Hit his grandmother. 17 tried as an adult. Now serving twenty years no parole.
 
He may be laughing on the other side of his face if he gets busted for drugs. Send him to that school that "downsouth" suggested. I would think his school wouldn't let him play sports unless he had a passing grade. Hal
 
My older brother was like that. My Dad removed the tires from his car. That slowed him up some. How does your son get around? By removing his transporation, he may get the message. Stan
 
Those DAYS are NOT long gone. It was just as illegal when I was a kid in the 1980's to be hit by a parent as it is now. I knew it was illegal and Dad knew it was illegal too, but it still did not deter him a bit from the threat if it were needed. I absolutely knew without a doubt from a young age that my dad would stubbornly follow through with watever was necessary no matter what. Even if it meant that he got arrested in doing it and I was hauled away in to foster care to never be allowed in the house again if it were needed.

I never had any problems in school because I knew any trouble that I got into at school was going to be cake walk compared to punisment that I would get at home.

You wanting to sign him up for the Marines...What treatment you think they will implement for discipline?
 
As a parent you have the right to turn him into juve and ya hard on him but in the long run may wake him up to what life is really all about and how bad it could get for him. Of course if he is just a bad apple that may send him off the deep end also and if so he was on his way there any how
 
Been going through that here too. Your boy has got his first taste of power and fame which has gone to his head.
It's taken about a year of dragging his dumb egotistical *ss through the courts, removal of privileges , a few thrashings and watching his sister go moose hunting instead of himself.
The useless dirt bag friends are a primary problem and influence.
Be merciless, remorseless and never ending in the observation of his activities and in his punishment. Don't ever waffle or back off even once. The boy will see weakness and a chance to weasel out of trouble.
Some signs of hope around here now. Too bad he inherited so much of his Mother's side of the house.
 
Well you have let a 14 year old kid run your life. You are the one that has let this happen. Now comes the hard facts of life. Some day the kid will find some one that will tell him no and have the force to back it up. That very well could be the legal system if he keeps on the drugs. Could be some one worse and he ends up DEAD. He is not as tough as he thinks he is. Some one will prove it to him.

Some things to think about:

1) Where is he getting the money to have the life style you are describing???? Stop giving him any money at all. Not a single dime. You can pay for him to have lunch at school directly to the school. Other than that ZERO money.

2) Set a curfew and enforce it. What I mean by that is he has to be home by a certain time. After that the doors will be locked and not opened until 7 am the next morning. Change the locks if you have too.

3) The kid being 6 ft and 150 lbs of pure muscle. So what!!!! I bet that he never has had a real butt kicking just a few kid dust ups. I guarantee that I could get the kid to swing at me. Then it is self defense. KNOCK THE snot out of him. Make it hurt to eat and breath for a few days. Had to give my 21 year old this lesson a few years ago. He got to where he would argue with me and get in my face and start bumping chest thinking I would not do anything as I am now an "old man". He soon found out that this old man still has some bark.

4) The most important one!!! You have two other kids. Do you think that they are not seeing you have zero control over this 14 year old kid??? If you let it go on then you have a very high chance of having to do it all over again with them. You have be tough on the kid and still love him. You are doing him ZERO favors letting this go on.

Now the real hard part. You need to be united with your wife on this. You need to go see your lawyer. You need to know what the laws are in your state on your responsibility to your kid. Then the hard one, find out what you can do to sever your kid from your house hold. Here in Iowa it can be done through the county court system. Then the kid becomes a ward of the state. Here that means they get to stay at Independence for a full sync review. Then placement in juvenile detention if they are too bad. Foster care if they are not.

So you have a few choices. You are going to have to make one of them. Which one is up to you but your are going to have to get control of your house and home again. You have your other two kids and your wife to worry about. This kid may have to be written off for a few years. Letting this go on will not only make this kid worse but it will negatively effect the others in our home. This is one of the times in life that it sucks to be the adult.
 
Sounds like you have a serious problem that many of us would like to be able to help you out with, if we could. The old saying about "taking a village", not sure how it goes now, to raise a child comes into play in this situation. I'm NOT one to blame the school system, or sports department when a child gets into trouble. But here is a situation where the school and coaches are partly at fault. I have been lucky enough to be part of a small community for my entire life. By small, I mean everybody knows everybody, and everybody knows everybody's kids. We kind of look out for each other. The sheriff even brought my brother home one evening. He told my mom, "He wasn't doing anything wrong, I just thought he was hanging around some kids that you wouldn't approve of." Now I know that wouldn't happen in very many places, but it was, and still is, acceptable in this small community. Don't get me wrong, there are some problems, but mostly minor ones. The parents, school, coaches and law enforcement all work together to raise our children. For the most part, we are raising respecting and productive children into adults. I know you said that moving into an isolated area is not an option with your other children, but the small communities have help for special needs children also. I know for a fact that there were "troubled" kids that were brought into our community, and they were turned around for the most part. One of the kids was a gang member who lived in California. His parents saw the trouble that he was heading for and packed up and headed back home. His step-father was raised here. The kid became involved in very successful football, basketball and track programs. Even went on to play some college football, but the most important part was that he was able to get his education. He told many people that the move saved his life, literally, as he truly believed if he would have stayed where they were, he would most likely have been another dead gang member. Sometimes the kids were sent to live with an aunt and uncle, or grandparents. I am a firm believer of "small town" living for raising kids. Yes, they may miss out on a lot of things, but they also get many things that "big city" kids will never get. Support of the community. On the drug use, I think some school district or maybe even the states activity associations have rules regarding drug use. If they are tested positive, they are automatically kicked off.
 
u and ur son r really bothern me his rule breaking has to stop theres no reason for a 14yr old to b out past 10 30 he is tryn u when u set rules u as dad got to stick to them u have to take it as fae as u have to to get ur point across i may be wrong im taking it that ur physicaly im gona say scared of him. u cant show that u got to man up and make him follow ur rules i believe in spanking a kid not beating. only had to spank my son twice 3 and at 16yr old hes 6ft5 im 5ft8 he could probably whip me he wont try because he no i wont quit i think ur gona have to make a believer out of him and stop his going out if it means u phiysicaly taken him to the ground to make him stay home until he can show responsibility.he might can whip u but he will think twice the next time if u make it rough enough on hin. after the discipline tell him u love him. i think yhe football needs to go for awhile dont give up on him his future is in ur hands now good luck praying for u and ur son
 
Drugs test for sports!?
NO, that would cost money. If you made parents pay for it some kids could not play.
They had all the athletes sign a drug/alcohol free pledge on the honor system. Total joke.
Pete
 
First off, pull his football eligibility, then I would sit down with his HS counselor and find out what extreme help you can get. I would bet there are agencies to help out.

It will only get worse if you do not pull tough love right now.
 
Many schools require students to have passing grades to play in any ECA. Some may require a C in a certain number of classes. Get your school board to pass something like this and coaches will be on your side.
 
1. we pre-pay school lunch. I keep my wallet on my at all times. Wife is ADHD and leaves her purse/pocketbook around all the time. I "stole" 10 bucs out of it the other day as a test. She had no clue. Many times I have stressed leave no money around. I no longer trust him. His brother learned the hard way lend him no money. Have no money in your wallet. He only uses his debit card now.
2. Most nites he is home after school/football or watching HS teams play. It is weekends he escapes here like its a prison. Locking him out is totally moot. He can always weasel himself a place to crash out. How many times can we call everyone who has know idea where he is? We have slowly become the "problem parents/family". Partly because we have a Aspergers kid who was bullied out of the local HS. SD is paying for that one.
3. What part of I just got a knee operation did you not get? Besides he has passed the age where physical discipline is possible or productive.
4. I am thinking about my wife, our relationship and especially my other 2 kids. One older, one younger. They have seen the trouble and grief their brother has caused and our attempts to help/guide/coerce him back to straight. He treats them like dung too.
5. I have been blunt and direct with him about zero tolerance for drugs and disrespect. Pretty much at the end of my rope and the more I ponder it the more I am inclined to get him the hell out of here one way or another.
If his self centered, immature, disrespectful ways do not change by Thanksgiving I am starting legal proceedings to get him out to protect my kids, my wife and myself.
Pete
10-4
 
Beating a kid is no longer an option. You will go to jail for that.

So withdraw your consent for him to play. Whats more important, his grades or his football? All you have to do is step up, be the parent and tell the school no more, he's off the team.


If you know he has drugs call the cops and turn him in.

Take his cell phone, he really has no need of one. Take his car if he has one, he really has no need of one.

Tell him he is making your life miserable and you can make his life the same way.

It's you who has to step up and be the parent. You have to make him a man. That is NOT the job of the military or the taxpayers!

How dare any of you, most of all those of you who never served, to want put other kids in danger cause your kid is messed up! Your kid is that messed up and you want to send em to the military! What are you thinking! Think about it. You want to serve on a tank crew with your kid in a combat zone? Or do a foot patrol with your kid in a cambat zone?

All of you guys who think the military will make a man of him are badly mistaken. This isn't the 60's where they would send you to the stockade. If a kid is a pain in the butt they SEND HIM HOME! It's cheaper and more cost effective to get rid of a trouble maker and recruit a kid who wants to be there. By the time I retired in 96 we were sending kids home for writing 3 bad checks in 6 months. Fail a drug test you went home. Fail to follow orders, go home. Fail to be on time, go home. Only really serious stuff got you sent to jail. It was not my job to raise your kids when I was a Platoon Sgt. My job, by regulation was to see to their training, health and wellbeing. If a kid disobeyed orders they got wrote up and run in front of the commander. The 1SG, Commnader, PL and I would decide if they were worth giving another chance. 4 out of 5 times we would bust em and kick em out. Drug or booze problem 100% chance they were going home unless it involved selling. DUI, go home. Bad checks got sent home. Missing formations may get another chance but if other problems were there....go home. Be so marginal that you can't get promoted.....go home!
OK Rant over......

Rick
 
Pete I had not seen where you had just had knee surgery until after I posted my original post. So that may make the physical issue a mot point but his effecting all of your lives is still the issue.

The physical issue is not a discipline issue it is a dominance or control issue. He has already won that battle. I was not talking about spanking the kid. I was talking about knocking him on his butt, maybe several times. In your situation it is not going to happen so that is off the table for you. Some day some one will teach him that lesson and I hope he learns it well then.

Personally I think high school foot ball is a mistake for many kids. It teaches them that if they are good football player that they can get away with anything. They get a shock later in life when that high school idol/football hero stuff means zero in making a living as an adult.

Your talking about taking a energy bar to the kid before he went to a foot ball game made want to scream. You and the school personnel jumped to his orders. Then you wonder why he is self center and manipulative??? Don't help him be worse than he already is.

I wonder too how where you able to have the time to take him an energy bar anyway??? Is your business that slow?? Maybe you need to change that too. You have several area that are stressing you. Maybe a different way to make your living would help. I know that is easier said than done in this economy but it is something to think about. Maybe a steady pay check without the pressures of running your own business would help make the stress less.

I know you have your wife and one child that have health issues. Taking care of them is a high priority but making a living for them is as well. I would worry about them and making there life better. Let the 14 year old sink or swim at the moment. I really doubt that the kid will be better by Thanksgiving. I would start finding out what my options are now. Then you can be ready to act then. I would not put the other kids through anything over the holidays. Get it done ASAP with the 14 year old. The sooner the better even for him. He is heading down a one way street to failure. It is better to fail at 15-16 than 20-21 or even 30-40.

Your in a real tough place. You just have to do the best you can for your wife and two other kids. Even though the 14 year old is just a kid he is making the decisions that will mess up his life, not you. So he is going to have to live with the results.
 
Other points to spew out.

I told my son that none of his friends or buddies are to come to our house unless....They go to our church. You say he is all muscle, at 6' and 150 he isnt that large, he just needs a good azz kicking to knock him down a peg or two. Just like it says in the old testamant. "Beatings purge the inner being." Look it up in Proverbs.
Oh, and flush his stash of drugs down the crapper right in front of him.
 
You don't go from high school directly to the NFL know matter how good you think you are. If your kid really believes he could have a football career tell him it is absolutely necessary for him to get his grades up. Why? You don't get college scholarships with failing grades and you can't afford to send him to college. If he(or his coach) really think he's the next Joe Namath,etc. they should should understand this. It sounds like the HS coach forgets that he is a HS coach where kids are supposed to learn things... sometimes the hard way. That's what's wrong with a lot of amateur sports and the coaches mentality. How's the kid going to understand his big contract?

Another thing you could do is look into summer school. Tell him his grades comes up and he applies himself or he goes to school while all his friends have the summer off.
 
Don't blame it on his mother's side of the house B&D! It generally takes 2 parents to raise a kid and each one is just as responsible as the other, good or bad.
 
(quoted from post at 10:34:28 10/28/12) Don't blame it on his mother's side of the house B&amp;D! It generally takes 2 parents to raise a kid and each one is just as responsible as the other, good or bad.
Click to expand...

You got that right.

Got a BIL, single father who is having problems with his youngest son, 16 YO. He been caught breaking into cars and has had other run ins with the law. Biggest single problem is my BIL has a girl friend. He spends no time with the kid uness it's fishing. All the rest of the time he's with his GF.


Tells the kid he's grounded.....leaves and goes to his GFs.

Makes the kid attend church and youth stuff but that isn't doing any good.

Finally his mother has taken him in. Now she isn't the best person I've ever seen. But man she got him under control. Took his car, curfew, no friends at the house. She got so serious that she will not allow her boy friend over when the kid is home. I can't stand that woman but I have to give her credit, she really stepped up to the plate on this one.

Rick
 
A lot of people would disagree that religion should
come first. Your health is important too. Millions
of people have ruined their lives through drugs and
alcohol and other poor lifestyle choices. A persons
religion should be up to that individual and it
shouldn't be pushed on someone. Some people have
died needlessly because their religion doesn't allow
for specific life saving treatments like blood
transfusions.
 
Pete, Pretty much the same here except I can still woop his behind. Unfortunantly, long ago he learned in school that no-one can touch you outside of the scope of what is lawfully considered corperal punishment. Been investigated and cleared 2xs for rattling his cage. Finally, started calling police. Told the county right out YES, my child is my responcibilty, BUT when choose to meddle in my discipline he became YOUR issue also. He currently lives 40 miles away with grandfather. Have told family quite bluntly I will get lawyer and force county to place him if it doesn"t work out there. I too have other children in house on the honor roll, no issues, involved in activities and trustworthy! There is a point where the bad apple must be tossed. GOOD LUCK YOUR NOT ALONE! Tom B.
 
You can't have friends over because they don't go to your church? That is absolutely ridiculous!!! I guess your kid can't invite too many friends over for birthday parties and such, that is if he has any friends. Then you wonder why your kid is never at home and don't have a clue who or where they are hanging out. The kid ends up resenting you and doesn't tell you anything for fear you won't approve. And you wonder what went wrong...You have to trust your kids judgement until they give you a reason not to. If you don't, the problem is yours not the kids.
 
(quoted from post at 14:07:23 10/28/12) You can't have friends over because they don't go to your church? That is absolutely ridiculous!!! I guess your kid can't invite too many friends over for birthday parties and such, that is if he has any friends. Then you wonder why your kid is never at home and don't have a clue who or where they are hanging out. The kid ends up resenting you and doesn't tell you anything for fear you won't approve. And you wonder what went wrong...You have to trust your kids judgement until they give you a reason not to. If you don't, the problem is yours not the kids.
Click to expand...
aaayyy more difficult than a tractor problem! THE real bad thing is the difference....tractor dies &amp; you get water out of carb, new points/plugs &amp; it runs again.....too much drugs/alcohol, kid dies &amp; you can make him run again. It is all over, forever. :cry:
 
kids and oldtanker, I think you missed the subtle humor. I"m
the one cracking down on him and dragging the wife into
formation and cooperation over her child.
 
Pete, for the past couple of years I have been hearing an advertisement on the radio for "The Total Transformation Program". Google it; at least check it out. They promise positive results for just the kind of thing you've described. Do I recommend it? I can't, because I don't know anyone who has used it. It just sounds interesting and promising to me, and it looks like you're ready to try anything.

I'm not sure all kids can be saved. Also, it seems that some kids just come into the world wired differently. Same home environment, same parental love, but one can't fit into the scene. I've even seen fraternal twins---one good, one bad. You even see it in litters of animals.

Here's hoping this gets turned around for you.
 
Tbish is using the common texting method of communicating with word fragments and numbers for words. Personally I find it distracting and unconvincing but there it is. Spelling and grammar are finding their way into the disconnect between generations. I live with 100 of them per week in my classes. (I give written tests or hands on show me your skill tests only) I subtract from every grade when I find texting jargon. They know it will happen, so it is just part of their education in my classroom to use whole words and sentences. Jim
 
Most of my son's friends go to our church, so that is about 1/2. And......It really is a foundation for later in life, he is young now, 12. Now as far as girlfriends, I dont care if they are from outside the church. I live in a small town too BTW.
 
Local off duty Leo is what kept me/us out of too much trouble back in the late 70's early 80's. go talk to them and feel them out.
Dad believed in a switch across the backside. I took my 1 and only beating,after running my mouth, at the hands of a Black Hawk county Sheriffs Deputy. I now firmly believe every problem child should get one to straighten him out. It will get their attention.

Financially it's a decision to pay now, pay later, or write him off. The problem with doing nothing is your financially responsible till he's 18.
 
Maybe in theory but there's so many mistakes with full words and grammer in general that it is almost painful to read. This isn't a text forum.
 
Take him to a big city morgue for a look see of where he is headed.

Then, take him to school and stay beside him all day. While there, treat him like he is 5. It won't take many days for him to figure out there are things you can do to correct his little butt.
 
How is half most? Good way for a kid to lose friends. What happens if the friend that doesn't go to your church has the same rules at their house? When your kid is at home at least you can know and/or control what he's doing. I'm sure he won't be doing things to get in big trouble when he's at home. So regular friends can't come in the house unless they go to the same church but an even closer friend, ie/ girlfriend it doesn't matter? That doesn't make a lot of sense??? Am I missing something?
 
what I don't understand is why people are so scared to spank there kids.

The bible makes it very clear that you spare the rod spoil the child.

For those of you who are religious,who do you listen to GOD or man.

I don't care if they want to arest me so be it God never said being a christian was going to be a walk in the park.

At 14 it is to late to spank and gain the respect.
All you can do now is kick him out and hope he grows up(not likely)
 
Do you have a regular name or just go by all sorts of different one word off the cuff names?


Oh....And......Dont inform me on how to raise my kid and who I let in my home. That is the key, it is my home. I welcome in who I please, I own the fookin place.
 
The reason we are reluctant to put hands on a kid is because you can potentially go to jail. Depends on how the local LEO handles it.

At about 12 I lit my son up over fighting with his sister and disrespecting his mother. Probably over did it as his squaling was over heard by the gladis cravits next door.

In my defense it worked. I never had to lay a hand on him again. My son is now 21 and doing very well.

Back to the nosy neighbor. She calls DPS and next thing you know LEO is knocking on my door.

I explained what happened, he read me the riot act, I told him to Kiss My Azz, and that you better let me handle this my way or you and the system will have to later. He calmed down and that was the end of it.

That cop was very close to a beating himself and I was very close to going to jail.
The indignation on my part of having a stranger come into my house and tell me how to raise my kids almost was the ruin of me. That officer did me a favor by not forcing the issue. It could have gone very differently.
 
Who cares what name anyone uses as long as the post is in context. I was questioning your reasoning and then when it seems like it's too difficult a question for you to answer, you change the subject like I'm trying to inform you on how to raise your kids. Seems like you offered advice to the original poster on just the same subject. In fact isn't that what this whole post is about?

If your kid has good decent friends is all you need to worry about regardless if they go to your church or not. What if just like the drinking and driving commercials, the kid starts questioning everybody you bring in the house that doesn't go to your church? Imagine how your kids friend would feel if he came to your house and you wouldn't let him in because he didn't go to your church? Doesn't your church teach you to be accept people that may not have the same beliefs as you? Limiting anyone who comes in your house because they don't go to the same church makes no sense at all. It's pretty sad actually!
 
Lots of good advice on here. Bottom line is: you have to get him back in line, or you have to completely write him off. It is not fair to others in the family to have this going on. we had a couple of brothers in the area who were like that. I say had because one is dead and the other is in prison. Untill that happened, they made their familys life a living hell. One went so far as to beat up his father (Father was in a wheelchair) and physicaly throw him out of his rented house, then live there as a squatter untill he was evicted. he apparently crossed the wrong prople (he made meth) and turned up dead. His brother is in the state penn for 13+ for trying to rob a cancer patient of his pain meds at gunpoint.
 
Pete, let me share a story with you. There was a little Jewish lady who had a son who was six ft. plus. He drank and ran around alot, and completely disrespected his mother. He came home drunk one night, fell into bed and immediately started into a drunken sleep. His mother took a needle and thread and folded his sheet over him and sewed him up in it. Then she took a length of garden hose and proceeded to beat the cr#p out of him. His sister told me that he never disrespected his mother again. I have seven children, five boys and two girls. My oldest boy turned eighteen and proceeded to become a jerk. I gave him rules to follow, he didn't like it so he took off and headed to Tahoe CA. He got into trouble down there and called begging for money and help. The answer was NO. My wife and I were absolutely together on this. It took two years, and then he called and was ready to come home. Today, he drove into town,and after church he and I went to the shop and did some maintenance on his car. It was a good afternoon. Sometimes tough love is the only kind of love. Regardless of anything, there is absolutely no reason for you to put up with disrespect.
 
Go talk to the school guidance counselers. Here in my area of pa there's what's called the s.t.a.r. Program(student recovery and recovery program) it's basically identical to a military boot camp it's actually run by retired drill seargents. The kids do pt have to have heads shaved whole nine yards plus military style drug tests sent my step son there last year did not fix the problem but sure has turned him around a lot
 
No my church doesnt teach, "treat everyone the same even if they have different beliefs" Do you treat a Terrorist the same as others? Terrorists have different beliefs than I.
As far as other religions, I dont tolerate the nnalert, Buddist, or Non-Judeo Christian faiths.
You say.........That is narrow minded, it certainly is and thank God.
I am done talking with you.
 
Sorry man. I wish I could help.
I didn't/couldn't read this whole thread so I'll just shoot from the hip.
You need the Kid Whisperer. You don't see the Kid Whisperer mentioned on TV where they have the horse, dog, cat and maybe cow whisperers.
Another name for the Kid Whisperer (He works on wives, husbands, daughters and inlaws too) is Jesus Christ.
 
(quoted from post at 13:00:03 10/28/12)
"spare the rod" sure looked good on paper huh?????????? Now, you expect the coaches to do what you should do........ Took 14 years to get to this point, don't expect a quick fix if at all....... If you suspect drugs, turn him in before he hurts someone else's kids or you and his mom... It ain't just you that it's effecting..... Think about a neighbor... Him and his buddies break in a place for drug money, gets shot, and the neighbor has to live with shootin a kid that the parents shoulda steered right to begin with..

You asked............
Click to expand...

I agree. My neighbor's kid is fixing to do 5-7 yrs in a federal pen for robbing a bank, so he could support his heron habit. It all started out as small stuff, weed and drinking, getting into a little bit of trouble.

I told his father before he robbed the bank, that he is known to pawn alot of stuff. Every pawn shop in town knew him, that's never a good sign. His father never put the hammer down.

My father would have raised hell and as an adult, I see why he raised me to be held accountable for my actions. These days it seems the kids can do no wrong.
 
You obviously seem worried there are terrorists and others with undesirable religions at your kids school. That is narrow minded and hopefully you don't teach your kid to be as narrow minded as you. It's like a form of prejudice when you get to the nitty gritty of it. How do you know there aren't terrorists that go to your church or share your religion? There's even been several pastors charged with serious crimes in the last few years.
 
(quoted from post at 16:50:56 10/28/12) No my church doesnt teach, "treat everyone the same even if they have different beliefs" Do you treat a Terrorist the same as others? Terrorists have different beliefs than I.
As far as other religions, I dont tolerate the nnalert, Buddist, or Non-Judeo Christian faiths.
You say.........That is narrow minded, it certainly is and thank God.
I am done talking with you.
Click to expand...


My sister was like you after and told me my kids were all going to be criminals. My oldest niece ran really wild after she turned 18 and moved out. She's very lucky that she didn't wind up with AIDS. Younger one had a baby that they took from her at birth, seems there was meth in the baby's blood. One nephew is a lazy one who thinks God owes him a living. Couple of the others have been in trouble with the law and one she caught stealing money from her purse. Yep her kids were only allowed to hang out with other kids from her church.

Saw that with others kids too.

What happened to trying to reach out to some of these kids who have never been exposed to religion? Isn't that what you are supposed to be doing?

My BIL and nephew that I posted about......BIL makes the kid go to church and youth bible stuff. Gee that worked out real well too.

I have 7 kids. All are working and making their own way. None have had more than a traffic ticket. 3 have served in the military with one still in the National Guard. So don't try telling me I don't know how to raise kids. 3 have finished college, 2 are in college and 2 are self employed.

Rick

Rick
 
Wile E
Don't think I'm telling you who to let in your house. That is in fact your home and your business. Just don't fall into the trap thinking that because you make your kid go to church and only allow him the freinds that you think are right that he/she is going to be OK. Seen too many kids rebell and do things to spite thier parents.

Rick
 
knew an old boy who had that happen to him,except it was his wife doing the sewing and beating,(with a pair of heavy linemans boots)and she walked out and left him there. he was foreman of a line crew and we finally sent a guy to check on him.there was not one place on his whole body that wasnt bruised!LOL oddly enough he didnt come home drunk and punch his wife again!
 
What "I" did,(and long before it got to your point) when boy walked out i changed the locks. other kids will get tired of feeding him soon enough and he'll come home or he'll get a job to feed himself. then i took a ad out in the local papers saying he and all his buddies names i knew were doing drugs and i wasnt responsible for his/their actions. Next i went to the school and allowed as how if they didnt kick him off the team i would post it in the local paper how the coaches were cheating to keep him playing. Finaly i came home from work and he was there giving his mother a hard time, he took a swing at me and i beat the living $h!T out of him,until my wife pulled me off. Needless to say, relations were strained for a couple of years, but we never had another moments problem with him. Turned out to be a good hard working young man.I just figured if it didnt help ,i would beat him to death and save the state the cost of housing him. after he walked around with two black eyes for a few days explaining how is old man had given them to him ,his loud mouthed buddys sort of faded away. As far as the law is concerned,i really didnt care!!! most of them are smart enough not to involve the law,if their messing with drugs. if he complains, let the law or social services take him away. if they cant wise him up, he's destined for prison or worse regardless of what you do. Unless you really enjoy parental abuse, todays as good a time as any,or youll liable to wind up like one of those 85 year old guys in a wheelchair,who shoots their own kids for stealing and beating on them. One thing they all seem to understand is muscle,and the proper pecking order.
 
petetherookie,
I sympathize with your situation but don't think the answer lies in this forum. I see a lot of the responses to be pretty harsh and all probably have some grain of truth based on what's worked for others. I can tell you having raised 3 kids to adulthood that what works for one may not work for another. I'm also a firm believer that a parent's role diminishes as the kid's grow up, so by the time they reach their teens, they ain't listening much to you. But I'm sure even that statement can't be applied to all kids.

Best advice I can give you is to make sure you don't alienate him, make sure he knows you love him, but be firm and don't coddle him either. Sounds pretty easy but it's not. "Tough love" is great on paper but its implementation is tricky.

Good luck and unfortunately, I don't think this will be a quick fix situation. I think you've got a tough 4 years (or more) ahead of you.
 
(quoted from post at 10:02:07 10/29/12) I have read the whole post. I'd simply start by having him tested for steroids.
Click to expand...

Never crossed my mind, but you could be real close.. Especially if the coaches are as pete's describing them.......... knew some soldiers that were "bodybuilding" that were real stand up guys til they started lifting..... They were on steroids. Couple of them flipped out and beat each other about to death...........
 

Well today while looking for another one of my previous posts I came across this ONE!

So here we are almost 9 YEARS LATER.
Just re-read the entire thread bring tears to my eyes.

Long story short! I eventually threw his BUTT outta the house when he was 16! He had to work and pay some rent to live at a friends mom's house and learned how well he had it living under our roof BUT my wife let him move back in about 6 months later. He continued to drink and smoke pot and lost his right to drive before he even got a license.
To his credit he kept and and excelled at the job I had gotten him and in fact is now one of the mgr's at a 500 seat Craft Brew Tavern/Restaurant. JUST got his driver license this spring.
Doesn't drink but has a MMJ card and in my opinion smokes too much pot! Well respected/liked at work and in the community.

He and I have a pretty good relationship at this point.
Funny, when it comes up about me throwing him out , he politely corrects me and says I didn't throw him out!
Says he left because all I ever did was yell at him.
I just shrug and say yeah.

SO i busted his butt until he grew up. He did get arrested a few times and yes, I had to post bail. But he luckily never harmed anyone and has matured into a fine young man.

P.S.
I am thankful for most of the members who posted BUT some of you really need to improve your reading comprehension.

Pete
 

We have a term "Ride The Pine"... In other words find away to make him watch the game from the bench. That will take away some of his steam...

My son was a standout on the baseball team he did not do a project are something along that line. The teacher told me she did not think he should play the next game I had a talk with the coach.
I told him he rode the pine on my team he could ride it on his.
It hurt him bad to set out it was again the high school across town I never had that issue again.
 

I went through almost 20 years of that crap with 3 kids. 2 turned out okay and one is just wasted effort. Being a parent sucks.
 
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