HOW TO INSTALL A REDNECK HOME SECURITY SYSTEM.....

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14 -16 men's work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with an old, well-read copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads ......
BUBBA -

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter

(quoted from post at 20:00:51 04/30/12) 1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14 -16 men's work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with an old, well-read copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads ......
BUBBA -

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter

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You can't buy no 14-16 sized boots at Goodwill.....they don't sell mens sizes.....I know I wear a 15.....LOL

Rick

my dogs are dead givaways.

For the commerical redneck!!!!

shave your dog to look like a lion

A few years back some of the new people who moved in to our part of the country from the city decided we needed a neighbourhood watch meeting.They invited a police officer from town and he came out and started to tell everyone what we needed to do to protect our property.Install alarms,rotating lights ,motion lights.etc.One young lad from down the road mentioned he was building a new house on our road.The policeman started to ask him all sorts of questions and give advice on how to setup his new house.He asked him what sysrem he was putting in.He just chuckled and told him it was a Winchester 30/30 beside the bed.The cop looked around and saw the faces of the city folk and had to look away and cough to cover up the smile on his face. He then warned him that he shold he be carefull not to shot the intruders in the back.After the meeting was over the new people ran to their vehicles and hid in their alarmed homes,some might still be held up in there.We have am few good ale boys that live around here and get the 911 calls before the cops. Its a dead end road and two of them live at the beginning of the road,and told me when I moved up here if I had any trouble call him first and gave me his number.We don,t have too much trouble around here.

A friend of mine buried a pair of old boots, with only the toes showing then heaped up the dirt so it looked like a grave. He then put up a sign that says "Trespassers Beware". It works and his invited friends get a kick out of it.

(quoted from post at 13:43:38 05/01/12) A friend of mine buried a pair of old boots, with only the toes showing then heaped up the dirt so it looked like a grave. He then put up a sign that says "Trespassers Beware". It works and his invited friends get a kick out of it.

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That story makes me laugh thinking of the fellas telling the burying the dead horse that had to go back and get a saw because the hole was to small.

Reminds me of the story about the old boy who looked out the window one night
and sees some folks rummaging around his tool shed so he calls 911. The 911
operator informs him that they don't have a deputy to send out and that he
should lock himself inside his house, turn off the lights and he'll be okay.
He hangs up fuming mad and asks himself why in the heck am I paying taxes? A
thought crosses his mind, he calls 911 back and informs the operator that
there is no hurry to come he just shot the robbers with his 30-30 and they
won't be going anywhere any time soon. Within 4 minutes 3 squads and an
ambulance are at the guys farm and they catch the tool thieves in the act. The
watch commander is upset and confronts our hero "I thought you said you shot
them" he replies "I thought you said you didn't have anyone that could come
out here"

(quoted from post at 08:00:03 05/01/12) Reminds me of the story about the old boy who looked out the window one night
and sees some folks rummaging around his tool shed so he calls 911. The 911
operator informs him that they don't have a deputy to send out and that he
should lock himself inside his house, turn off the lights and he'll be okay.
He hangs up fuming mad and asks himself why in the heck am I paying taxes? A
thought crosses his mind, he calls 911 back and informs the operator that
there is no hurry to come he just shot the robbers with his 30-30 and they
won't be going anywhere any time soon. Within 4 minutes 3 squads and an
ambulance are at the guys farm and they catch the tool thieves in the act. The
watch commander is upset and confronts our hero "I thought you said you shot
them" he replies "I thought you said you didn't have anyone that could come
out here"

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That would be funny except that here the ambulance would arrive long before the cops......very big county and very few cops.....heck early in the moring there may be 2 deputies on duty, nearest town cop on duty over 20 miles and one state trooper covering 3 counties. I always tell people "dial 911, ask for the ambulance, cops are going to be way too late".

Rick

I have not laughed that hard in a long time great pic

I heard the very same story about a burglary in progress in Koeln (Cologne), Germany on German talk show TV last Friday..... I suppose jokes travel the globe, too??
Ralph in OK.