This evenings funny.......OT

Wal Mart Electronic Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts bad. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal Mart.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample... He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal Mart.."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal Mart, eager to check the results.. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results .

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm.. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours.. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping at Wal Mart!

This reminds me of something that happened many years ago . Not Walmart by any means , but you used to take water samples from your well down to the lab to have tested for drinking. a friend of mine took a sample in once aweek for several weeks and always got a negative report. he had been drinking this water for years, and was actually starting to question why the test were always negative , and yet no sickness.the last week he had a test done he took it in , but this time he took his girlfriend with him, and made her wait in the waiting area, he got another negative report, went out got a sample right out of the water fountain in the waiting area, had her take it in , and she got a negative report on that. Needless to say that lab no longer does water testing .

Many years ago a Guy from Yorkshire Water (My local water authority) visited us on the farm. He showed me his ID , held up 2 little glass jars and said said "I need a sample of water for testing purposes purposes please". Of course I could not resist it, so I had a little joke with him about "Water samples" and he replied "Hey, listen .... many a true word! I went to one lady"s house, explained to her who I was and what I needed and with that she took the jar out of my hand , closed the door on me then re emerged 5 minutes later with it full of.... well, put it this way, it did not come out of the tap !" ( faucet) "Er, no way!" I replied looking at him quizzically and he replied "Hand on my heart mate, I know it sounds ridiculous but it is true, even my workmates back at the depot thought I had made it up. So I said "You are not "taking the p***" then" "Ha no!, " he laughed "and I certainly was not going to take the p*** that day either!" . Some people hey? :roll:

happens every day with them labs, got one round here that helps a water treatment co. get new customers.

A few years ago, a friend started selling watersoftners. She wanted to try her sales talk on me, she knew I wouldn't buy one. She tested my tap water, and said, how hard it was. I had been testing water in a car wash, so I took, HER tester, and rechecked it. It was fine. The company, had taught her in a way, every test would show hard water. She quit!
Dennis

know what you mean. Our water supposed to have "animal fecal material" in it. Every spring around here comes back with that on it. Scary, but flawed. Our spring is in a cave that was the hub of aChickasaw Indian village, who drank from it for centuries. For 200 years, the white settlers & their desendents drank from it & I think its great water. You just can't believe everything you read.