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OT: tricky job related question - need advice

A

Anonymous-0

Well-known Member
I respect everyone's input and this site has quite a bit of experience in knowing what's right and fair, so I am reaching out for your input. I would appreciate your advice so I can make the best decision. So.......here goes.....

I am 37 years old and work at an automotive parts company with 150 employees. I have worked there for 14 years, have a great job, have been promoted several times and manage our purchasing and supplier network. My manager (the company President) says that I am one of the most loyal at the company and am well respected by everyone. I could be up for promotion in the next year.

4 years ago, we hired an accountant whom I started to date 1.5 years ago. She has done very well for herself but is frustrated with the company and is looking for other opportunities and will likely quit the company in 1-2 months for another job. We are at a critical stage and are launching many new programs. The company has grown in the last few years and my girlfriends' knowledge of the company (financials/technical knowledge) is more than her bosses knowledge. He is the CFO who has 2 years experience at the company and would be set-back by her leaving.

My dilemma: How do I handle this knowledge of her STRONG likelihood of leaving? It is not my concern that she could leave - however, it could impact the company. If I say something, I risk her job as well as our relationship which is very serious. If I dont say anything - everyone will know that I was aware of her leaving - and I may be creating problems for myself, especially with the President and CFO.

I respect your opinions and would appreciate your advice. thanks in advance!
 
I would suggest that you need to show her this letter and ask her ..what advice she could give you?

IMHO she should go to her boss, after she finds another job, and give notice.

You can't blame her for wanting to better herself.
 
This is a little off but does your company have anything against you dating/marrying this gal down the road(management garbage)? Hate for you to make this work between you two and then one of you have to leave/quit in order to get married? Just a crazy thought, and I have heard of before. chris only three years older than you
 
Has SHE discussed this with the CFO, or whoever is in command? Right now she seems to be holding the aces. If she discusses the situation with her superiors, they may be able to work out a satisfactory solution. Under the circumstances, I feel that this would be best and you would be off the hook. You have to look out for YOUR future, unfortunately, there is no guarantee the relationship between the two of you will work out in the long haul.
 
Thou does not dip thy pen in company ink.

She's probably leaving to get away from your sorry a$$.

Wouldn't surprise me after she leaves the boss will dump you.

You can't be trusted.
 
I worked for a similar sized company fro 45 years. I never in all that time saw a "company romance" work out. Always somebody lost their job for a number of reasons, but it never worked. My advice is to decide which is most important to you, you can't guarantee both and must risk one. At least that way you are calling the shots, otherwise you are a victim. The old saying about dating at work is still true.
 
Be completely open with her..and the company.She's been in your life a little while compared with your time with the company. If she's truly worth marrying she will understand your situation and be as open and honest with the company...and most important, with you too. I think that telling your manager, the president, might be the best thing after all...and he might be able to fix her situation with the company too and she could stay on.
 
Whether she quits or not it is not your responsibility, no reasonable boss would hold you acountable to announce her intentions. As for whether it will make such a big difference to the company if she quits or not, remember this, ""one monkey don"t stop no show"" an old fella told me that years ago and I have seen it come true time and time again, if your girlfriend walks out tommorow someone else will be warming her desk the next morning.
 
OK - here is a womans perspective for you. If your girl friend feels the relationship with you is as serious as you do and if she is frustrated in her current position - she should go to her supervisor to discuss her disatisfaction. As someone else mentioned, maybe there could be a resolution to everyones benefit. It would also take you off the hook. But for her to just up and give notice will definately put you in a very awkward situation. I am surpised that at 35 1/2 years old you made that kind of decision to start a personal relationship with a co worker. Most people tend to learn that lesson much earlier in their careers. I expect she is a very special lady, from all you said about her, she certainly has earned your admiration - I hope it works out for both of you!
 
This is why romance between co-workers is an absolute no-no in Corporate America.

Hate to say it, but both of you were doomed the day you became involved in something other than company business.

However you handle the details is immaterial, just get used to the idea that you're BOTH on your way out.
 
I believe she needs to make a commitment to either leave, or stay. If leaving, the her responsibility is to the company as follows.
As soon as the decision is firm (sooner not later) her supervisor should be notified in a personal conversation that indicates her willingness to train and inform a replacement such that the transition can be as painless as possible. A two to three week overlap and training period would do wonders for smoothing the feathers in the windward direction.
She should also make sure to relate in her interview that you are not and have not been an element in this decision. She should also make clear that the time she spent as his (assumption of gender) employee was positive and has allowed her to pursue options she would not have had. She should also make clear that she will not use proprietary knowledge in any way in her new employment, and be willing to sign a non-disclosure agreement. Jim
 
no problem
talk to her it needs to be her call if you say anything at all. and if you were not dating she would leave anyway so keep your mouth shut and and ride it out they cant be mad at you its her job her biusness your not her boss. its not your responsibility to tell on her actually i doubt its legal for you to tell with out her consent. if your boss has any wits about him he will understand. and to be honest i doubt they will really mind her leaving as much as you think. EVERYONE IS REPLACEABLE non of us are a one of a kind as far as a job goes. biusnesses loose people every day and within a week it will be biusness as normal
 
As you said, you are an employee.So why don"t you let management work things out.The decision will be hers so don"t interfere.
They may be aware but she is a free agent so why should that concern you.
The CFO had better step up to the base then. There is an old saying. " There is always someone else to take your place, you will never be missed."
If things hit the fan, I would make sure I was somewhere else.
 
As you said, you are an employee.So why don"t you let management work things out.The decision will be hers so don"t interfere.
They may be aware but she is a free agent so why should that concern you.
The CFO had better step up to the base then. There is an old saying. " There is always someone else to take your place, you will never be missed."
If things hit the fan, I would make sure I was somewhere else.
 
You sound worried. Turn-over is a normal part of business. Have a liiitle faith in your girlfriend and your bosses. Things will work out fine, so don't over think it.

It's a no-brainer: stay out of it!

If you jump into the middle of that you will just make both sides mad at you. People will be mad at you at work and your girlfriend will be mad at you at home, you will few places left to hide.

Please don't make statements or committments for your girl friend, that's her call to make at the time that she feels is appropriate. How would you feel if she announced to your boss that if you don't get your promotion right now you will leave the company tomorrow?

Good luck, things will be fine.
 
Hate to say it dude but you have a choice to make.

1. She is more important than your job because you love her and are willing to take the hit because of her (keeping in mind that she may take it that she is in charge and you will kiss her butt for all times).

2. Your job is more important than her.

If you can't live with 1 then you are never going to make it in the first place.

If 2 is correct you ain't going to make it.

So now is the time to talk to her. See where this is going to go.

I served from 74-96 in the Army. I've seen more than my fair share of failed relations. I've learned a few things.

1. A woman who is in contriol isn't for long most of the time. The guy fines his whatevers and stands up to her....or she gits tired of what she sees as an unmanly man.

2. She never lets go of having to be in charge and you live with it all the while having yer buds laugh at you behind yer back or walk.

Rick
 
I have a few comments here.

1. I have always made it a personal policy to not pick up my sugar where I earn my bread....Words to live by.

2. What is more important to you getting a promotion or your relationship to your girlfriend.

3. You could always break up with her temporarily when she leaves to make it look like you are pizzed at her, then get back together with her. (are you going to marry her someday.)?

4. My wife and I have a very strict policy...And it is...."We will not work at the same company" For several reasons. Like...If the place goes down the crapper we would be double screwed. And if her job went bad then it could hurt my job....Bad.

There are plenty of accountants out there. Your company can get another one. (Then you can date her) Assuming your company hires another woman.
 
You've worked there for 14 years; you know better than anyone else how your company will react.

Your girlfriend did not have to tell you her plans, but since she did it's fair to assume she told you in confidence. You have no obligation to pass that information to your employer, and if you do your girlfriend will correctly assume you to be a turd.

I suggest you say nothing. If and when she leaves, you tell your managers it was as much a surprise to you as it was to them.

The story is told about one of the old mobsters, who pointed to a mounted fish on his wall, and said "You see that fish? If he hadn't opened his mouth, he wouldn't have been caught."
 
(quoted from post at 04:27:25 01/12/12) You are going to have to choose between your job and the woman. Right isn't always fair.
Click to expand...

Not necessarily.... Just tell her to do what she wants and leave you out of it....... If she don't like it, let her move on/out..... If she was worth a dam to begin with, she#d do what she thinks is right without dragging you into it.......

Wanna be rid of her real quick? Give up your job for her..... Sounds romantic to you but looks weak to her.......
 
Perhaps if you get the promotion she could give notice that she will be leaving once a suitable replacement can be found, to avoid conflicts of interest if you are in a position to have influence over her position.
 
If she walks knowing it will hurt you she aint worth keeping !! If she is any kind of a good person she will give the company time to find a replacment , if she dont it will just hurt her down the road . Time to talk , try to get her to make a smooth exit with the company .
 
We had a woman that had worked as an accountant walk out with no notice after 15 years with us (should have been fired 10 years ago for her attitude). She gleefully said the company would be calling her in a two weeks begging her to come back. In two weeks we had another accountant hired at 2/3s the salary and twice the productivity. Granted it was tough for a month or so but 6 months later we are so glad she left (we even had a party). The woman who left is still looking for a job.
 
Come to think of it, the company gossip mill probably has you both pegged already, and are watching both of you with interest with plenty of rumors. Even if things are worked out with management, the company rumor and gossip mill will destroy you.

Every company I've worked for has a gossip and rumor mill, and they can be vicious. Once back in the '70's, I was a supervisor in the Customer Service Department of a large printing plant. I'd gone out one noon and bought something for lunch to bring back and eat at my desk in my office. As I walked past the reception area on the way back, the company president's secretary called to me with a business type question of some sort. She was eating her lunch at her desk, so I pulled out my lunch and we both ate lunch at her desk while we discussed business, and maybe a few other things, for 20 minutes and then both went back to work.

Something that simple, and by the end of the day there were rumors all over the plant about us, and we were both happily married to someone else.

I would predict, if your girl leaves and you stay, you'll still be tainted. There will be rumors that she left because she was pregnant, and all sorts of other juicy stories making the rounds that only a rumor mill can come up with.
If you stay, nobody will take you seriously anymore, and it will be a long time before you regain the level of respect you once had.

Sorry, my friend, but that's the way it is in Corporate America. Like the old saying goes, the Lord gave man a brain, and He gave man a p*nis, but He only gave man enough of a blood supply to use one at a time.
 
I'd think a company of 150 employees would have some kinda handbook with guidelines about coworker relations ? If not then I bet they will soon be doing some revising of it !

Maybe it is best she leaves the company if she intends to stay with/marry you. This would be a good enough reason to give. Just like said before you sure don't want to both work at the same place for if it folds.
 
Not having any personal experience working for a company of any size I have refrained from commenting.

Here are a couple of my thoughts.

For starters as others have commented office romances are dangerous in many ways and I won't review them.

Second no person is crucial to a companies operation if the company is solid. Even the CEO can leave and the company will soldier on if it is solid.

Here is one thought I have for your GF. Seems to me management already knows of your relationship with her. Would your relationship be a viable reason for her leaving? IE she goes in to her boss and has a frank discussion and since you two want to move your relationship forward it is best for all concerned if she moves on to other employment.

Just a thought

JT
 
Why should you say anything. It is not your place to speak for her. She can talk for herself. If the company is growing and feels like they need her. They should be the ones to keep her are let here go. If she is good at what she does and they let her go. That will be there mistake.
 
No offence intended, but if you've been dating a year and a half & are even contemplating throwing her under the bus there's a serious problem.
 
Just remember my advice is worth what you pay but here goes.

I have worked alot jobs for lots of folks. If you and the big cheese are as tight as you think you are she (not you) should go to him and see if he can fix what she's not happy about. I am guess'n he know's yall are a couple and from what I have seen in deals like this (IF YALL ARE AS TIGHT AS YOU THINK) he will know you wouldn't be put'n time into somthing if she was not a good person. It's not your place to take up for her but she could (for lack of a better word) use yall's relationship (IF YALL ARE AS TIGHT AS YOU THINK) as leverage to get into a better spot if she is as valuable to company as you think.

Be very carefull. For lack of a better word, date'n some one from work can cause tunnel vison. I left a good job one time because the girl I was date'n at the time worked there and left on a sour note. Didn't realize how much the choice cost me till I filed for divorce three years later.

Good luck.

Dave
 
I'd stay silent to the company. But I'd certainly talk with her about the issue in general. When she's ready to leave, it would keep you out of it (as much as possible), if she tells the CFO the she has a job offer with better opportunities and higher pay. The CFO then has a decision he has to make. Match the job offer or let her go. Either way that keeps it his decision rather than having him think she left because of your relationship with her. It seems to me that should be a main concern, you dont want your boss to think that you cost him a good employee. Also, if she would give good advance notice of leaving, that would also help limit the fallout on you, since I doubt your boss really expects you to tell him about a employee who is considering leaving.
 
No trying to be offencive here but:

Never date a coworker!!!

Honestly I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. I've always tried my best to not get there.
 

You should keep silent. This is her personal business between her and the company and you shouldn't interfer and betray her confidence. Don't expect any kind of a lasting relationship if you go behind her back. If questioned later say you didn't know. That's really non of their business either.
 
You have made 2 big mistakes. 1-getting envolved at work, usually turns out very bad. 2-getting on here and telling all kinds of company related stuff about your company, boss, CFO, etc. If you think a company of 150 folks, and their families wont recognize what you have done - think again. The company will have your head on a spit over red hot coals for airing their internal business on the internet. You are done for, just a matter of time. Tom
 
Her leaving won't affect the company one iota. People come and go all the time, companies have critical stages and lalunch new programs all the time. The words of an old song guided me through the minefield of dealing with employees during my 35 years in management, "Got along without you before we met, gonna get along with out you now." No employee, including you or me, is indispensible.

Keep you mouth shut, whatever she's going to do, she's going to do and tomorrow the company will be just fine. If you want a future with her, encourage her to leave for anoather job and hope your relationship with her hasn't tainted your opportunities for advancement.

We always laughed and said someone needed to leave every now and then so the rest of us would have someone to blame.
 
Mike in Indiana,
My advice after working in industry with probably a half dozen companies over the last 40 yrs: Don't say anything. It's not your concern. If they confront you about it AFTER she leaves (or gives notice), I'd just say that it was a matter between her and the company. If you open your mouth, guaranteed it won't turn out good. I've had dozens of people leave me over the years and knew that others knew about it. Never held it against them.
 
I disagree with the majority about you being involved with a co worker. Thats your business and hers. As to what to do about you dilema, I see two choices. Toss her under the bus and go talk to the CEO or keep personaly business personal and let the chips fall where they may. I for one wouldnt say a word and hope the blow back doesnt hit you. If it does, Nebraska Cowman said it better than I....
 
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