how to handle this

Icuby · Dec 20, 2011

Want to give each child [2] money for Christmas. One has a spouse,other is single. If I give all three the same amount,I feel that the single child will feel cheated as the one with the spouse can pool the money and buy more. Any ideas???

Dodgeit · Dec 20, 2011

(quoted from post at 09:00:00 12/20/11) Want to give each child [2] money for Christmas. One has a spouse,other is single. If I give all three the same amount,I feel that the single child will feel cheated as the one with the spouse can pool the money and buy more. Any ideas???

In my opinion your only option to be fair is to give equal amounts. If you don't your DIL or SIL will feel they are not part of your family. The siblings should not have a problem with that. Your only other option is to give actual gifts, if you thing the single sibling will not understand.

Anonymous-0 · Dec 20, 2011

If you have raised your children right they won't think a thing about it. That would appear to be most fair, it is a gift per person not per couple.

pat sublett · Dec 20, 2011

If you were giving single gifts, wou skip the in-law ?

onefarmer · Dec 20, 2011

onefarmer · Dec 20, 2011

oops wrong thread

Old Roy · Dec 20, 2011

Long been a custom here to buy just for those under 21 or give them a few bucks... All adults pick a name with a pre determined price limit.. This year is $ 40.00 and get a nice gift for that person.
I got one name to buy for and still have some for the other half.

Janicholson · Dec 20, 2011

The feeling of acceptance into a family depends on absolute equality of treatment. If this comes up, suggest that even pooled, the value of what is now shared is split between two, (still fair). Discord is founded not on equality, but jelousy. My inlaws are wonderful parts of my family (if they choose to be). Jim

Nebraska Cowman · Dec 20, 2011

Give them candy. I would not see it as a problem. One year my dad gave me $10 for Christmas. It had been a poor year on the farm and I had not bought anything for myself in a long time. This was nearly 30 years ago and I can still tell you what I bought with that money. I told dad I had $20 worth of fun spending it!

Nebraska Cowman · Dec 20, 2011

I would not skip, I'd put the cash in a card directed to Mr & Mrs. And I'd probably give the same amount to the single as the couple.

Mike M · Dec 20, 2011

This is where the Jahova (sp?) witnesses have it all figured out. I guess they don't do these commerical holidays or even birthdays for anyone.

CBTEX · Dec 20, 2011

My daughtrs-in-law have beeen welcomed into our family as equal members - equal in status and in love. Consequently, we give our daughters-in-law the same amount monetarily as we give our sons. In fact, if someone asks me how many children I have. I tell them four - my two sons ans my two daughters-in-law.

JDseller · Dec 20, 2011

I have the same issue with my kids and her kids too. I give the same to all individuals. When someone marries into my family I conceder them just another adopted child. If you start to value one of the others some one is going to get their feeling hurt.

I have split the amounts up in my will, into family/house hold units. Example five kids so a five way split. All my kids are equal. Now the grand kids are counted as a whole and I have split everything evenly between them all. Here it is twelve kids in four different households. So the total is divided by twelve not four.

evilboweivel · Dec 20, 2011

giving money
then equal amounts to each kid
the couple together one card with money
the single one one card with money
Ron

Brian-Ont · Dec 20, 2011

The wife and I treat our DIL's the same as our sons, equal money to each of them. Whether they spend it on themselves or pool it and buy something together thats their choice. When we had one DIL such as you, they each got equal amounts. Also both DIL's have chidren from previous marriage, and we treat those kids just like grandchildren, which they are to me and the wife, we love and spoil them to the extreme.

I would like to wish everyone a
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

Brian

aFORDable · Dec 20, 2011

My DIL and SIL are considered another one of the kids. They gets equal shares at Christmas. If my blood kids have a problem with that, and I don't think they do, they are being too sensitive.

IaGary · Dec 20, 2011

I have 4 daughters. They all get equal amounts.

Before they were all married the daughters got x amount. The son in laws got a small x amount.Boy friends got even a smaller x amount.

So they all got gifts based on the relationship.

Example- Daughters $100, Son in Laws $50, and boyfriends $25.

All were happy.

Gary

paul · Dec 20, 2011

As an inlaw I'm happy if I get included to the gathering, I don't expect to get anything, or anything 'equal' to the blood siblings. The siblings should get about equal, in my mind the inlaws are a different catigory and don't need to be equal. My wife chose me, not her parents, they don't have to treat me equally - I can share what she gets if she wants to share.

Nothing wrong with however one views it or does it, good point can be made for any case.

--->Paul

Gun guru · Dec 20, 2011

Give money to EACH of your children. And you have 2 kids.
The Spouse is married in.....Maybe a golddigger?
Are you talking about a lot of money?
Do you have a daughter that wants to get married....To me. I could always use some ca$h.
I will have to get divorced first.

atlarge54 · Dec 20, 2011

Give what your HEART tells you to give. This American-commercial version of Christmas would drive Jesus Christ crazy, would he cry in sadness or scream out in anger?

How did Christmas wind up in December, wasn't the birth near the fall equinox?

Tom-NorthCenTX · Dec 20, 2011

Why not just quit all the foolishness, and not give anything. Supose you have 3 kids, and give them 40 dollars each. Then each kid gives you 40 dollars each. See how senseless it is. You can all just take out your money at the same time and swap. Tom

flying belgian · Dec 20, 2011

Wait a minute. If Icuby feels his kids will react to that then they obviously were brought up believing in the "American-commercial" type of Christmas. They most likely are not of the christian faith, which is just fine. I never share my religious beliefs with anyone.

flying belgian · Dec 20, 2011

Oh I wanted to add...Religious beliefs are just that. Beliefs, nothing more, nothing less. You can't prove you're right and I can't prove you're wrong.

Paul from MN · Dec 20, 2011

I agree completely with Gary.

thurlow · Dec 20, 2011

To each his own, but..............can't recall ever giving cash (or a gift certificate) as a Christmas gift. I often give hand-made items; if not that, something especially chosen for each person.

G. Fields · Dec 20, 2011

Dont have any kids, but yesterday Mom+Dad handed my wife a b-day card with a thousand dollars in it, back in sept they paid the same amount towards a baby grand piano for my b-day. Thats how my folks handled it, and in my very biased opinion there pretty much always right.

Pair-a-dice farm · Dec 20, 2011

If You feel it necessary to give to them I agree with Gary. What we do is completely different but it may be a little late for you this year. We no longer exchange gifts and money with anyone over 18. We had gotten to the point that we were just passing money back and forth. We now pool our money and donate to a pre agreed on charity or needy family. Last year we knew a young family that was having a hard time. We got the bank to arrange to have all of their January bills paid anonymously. We find it a lot more rewarding to help someone that needs it and has fallen through the cracks.

johndeere720GA · Dec 20, 2011

This is the same thing my family does, gifts stop at 18, then donate to the less fortunate.

GaryinKs · Dec 20, 2011

I have enough JUNK and so does everyone I know,I dont buy any gifts or expect any.

Paul from MI · Dec 20, 2011

Wife handles the gift part, but Daughter-in-laws(we have three sons) get the same amount spent on them as sons. I have the most wonderful daughters in the world, far better women than if I'd tried to raise them! They are the best in my opinion. Guess that says it all.

yallardeere · Dec 21, 2011

I treat them all the same............

Anonymous-0 · Dec 21, 2011

(quoted from post at 07:00:00 12/20/11) Want to give each child [2] money for Christmas. One has a spouse,other is single. If I give all three the same amount,I feel that the single child will feel cheated as the one with the spouse can pool the money and buy more. Any ideas???

Put the money in the bank and take the whole bunch to Denny's for lunch. Then tellem Merry Christmas and send em home.

Wife has 3 boys and a girl from her rehearsal marriage that used to come around for Christmas. Few years ago, just before dinner they (boys) were bickering among themselves about who got what (daughter got a little more cause she knows her mother the whole year and not just at Christmas and Bday time..... One of the boys had enough nads to confront his mom about it... I had 60 bucks on me and gave each 20 and she threw them outta the house..... They haven't been back since... You don't owe folks anything...

Have a Merry Christmas.

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