A Lawyer and a senior citizen. JOKE !!!!!

Since many of us on here are considered senior citizens I thought you guys would like this clean joke. Shows us old people are not so dumb after all.



A Lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don"t know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don"t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior"s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What"s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

The senior doesn"t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it"s the senior"s turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the
work.

There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 20 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the
work.

You and me.


And there you are, Sitting at your computer, reading jokes.. LOL I like your too.

Two Lawyers are hunting deep in the woods, when they come upon a large set of tracks. The first one declares that they are so large that they must be moose tracks. The second one declares that there are no moose in the area and they must be deer tracks. The first one again argues that they are far too big to be deer tracks and they have to be moose tracks. The second one states that there are now and have never have been Moose in the area and they cannot be anything other than deer tracks.
They were still standing over the tracks argueing two hours later, when the train hit them.

Farmer is out in the middle of the field, and a fancy city car pulls up along the fence, fancy city man gets out. Pulls out his 12-gage, and blasts away at a quail. Drops the quail, crosses the fence, and heads for the bird.
Farmer says "Whoa, stranger, that"s my bird, this"s my land, and you"re on my land, and dont have permission, don"t you pick up that bird."
City man says "I"m a lawyer, and I have the rightof possession since I shot the bord, and you didn"t explicily refuse permission, or have the fence posted."
Farmer says,
"Well, stranger, we disagree. Let"s settle this the country way.
"What"s that?"
"One of us kicks the other guy three times, then it"s the next guy"s turn, then the first guy, and last man standing gets the bird."
Lawyer thinks fast, this old fart, he can"t kick too well, lawyer says "OK, you go first."
Farmer hauls off the kicks the lawyer between the legs hard, and drops hiim to the ground. KIckes him in the rear hard, then steps around and kicks him in the side of the head.
Lawyer is stunned, but after a while gets up, staggers to h is feet, bloody and knocked around. says "OK, my turn. Hold still."
Farmer says, "Oh, go ahead, take it, I didn"t want that bird anyway."

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man"s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That"s a bit cynical, isn"t it?" he responded.

The wife replied, "You"re right. I guess I"m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

A few hours later the girl came to the door to collect her money.

"You"re finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her, along with a $10 tip.

"Thank you," the girl said. "And by the way, that"s not a Porch, it"s a Lexus."

Ed was near the end- he'd lived a good life on the farm, but was well into his 90's and the doctor didn't give him very many more days of life. He spent much of his time sleeping, or in a half-sleep, thinking about his life.

He awoke one afternoon, and was energized by the aroma of chocolate chip cookies. He composed a one-item "bucket list"- he had to get to the kitchen, to get a warm cookie, before he left this world.

He pulled himself out of bed, and as he expected, he couldn't walk. He lowered himself to the floor, and began crawling toward the kitchen, pulling himself along as best he could. It was hard going, but he had a goal!

He finally struggled into the kitchen, and up to the counter where the cookies were cooling on racks. With the last of his strength, he reached up and wrapped his fingers around a cookie. Suddenly, WHACK! A sharp rap across the knuckles with a spatula, and his wife says, "Get out of those! They're for the funeral!"

An elderly man takes his elderly wife to the doctor for her yearly check-up. He patiently waits in the waiting room while she heads back to the exam room.

The doctor checks her over and exclaims, "Everything checks out just fine, but I have a question for you before you go to complete my file. Do you and your husband still have intercourse?"

"Well, goodness", she says, "I don't know. I would need to ask my husband."

So rather dumbfounded, the doctor sends her out to ask her husband.

"Elmer?", she asks, "Do we still have intercourse?"

"Earlene, we've been over this and over this, " he explains.

"We have BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD."