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OT: divorce woes

S

school boy

New User
Sorry but had to get this off my chest. In middleof divorce. Had 10 acreas and some old iron. We had an agreement in the beginning forme to give her $2500 for her half of the equipment. I came up with almost the same number. Then... she cleaned out a $6000 savings account. Said it would my half of it would make us even on equipment. So I figured why argue over a few hundred. NOW she wants another 2500. That may sound likemuch to most but its alot to me. Im affraid if I fight it it will cost me just as much in lawyer fees. Should I fight to keep her from getting it or just get it over, pay the 2500 more and lick my wounds? I'm not vendictive but after 10 years of being walked on its hard to just roll over. I know God is the vendicator but its hard.

Thanks for letting me vent.

God Bless all
 
schoolboy,
Why let her get away with it? If she agreed, at first, that half of the savings acct was yours and taking your portion made you even on the equipment, what is her rationale for still wanting $2500? Other than being a typical ex-wife. LOL. Be interesting to hear her logic on this one. Thank god I've never been through a divorce. Marriage is certainly no walk in the park, but over the years my sweetie and I have been lucky enough to work through the bumps and celebrate 35 yrs this year.
 
I'd say there's no way for 'us' to give an informed opionion and that the advice we give is worth just a little less than what you pay for it.
 
How can she prove who owns the equipment ? Say it belongs to your friend or cousin ?

Sounds like the lawyers are going to have to end up with it to straighten it all out.

A situation just like this is why I haven't walked out years ago. Still sticking it out. Hope you all the best.
 
Sorry to learn that you are going through a divorce. Those folk that say divorce is the easy way out have never been through one have they? Nope, tough and I wish you the best.

If the two of you are working hard to stay civil toward each other why don't you see if she will sit down with you, just the two of you, and make lists of household items, vehicles, monies, well simply everything and see if you can come to a mutual agreement and then both sign copies of the agreement you have come to and present those lists to your attorneys.

After months of back and forth that is what finally worked in my case. I filed in July and it was April before the divorce became final. Most all of the delay was over property. When the two of us sat down it was mere days from the conclusion and we could have gotten on with our lives much quicker had we done this early on.

For those that have children involved and work off farm I would like to tell of what we worked out for child support.

First we agreed on a monthly amount, then figured out how many hours of my salary it took to produce that amount. From then on she received X number of hours of salary value. If I got a raise, she got a raise. If I got a cost of living adjustment, she got an adjustment. There were provisions allowing her to check with my employer anytime she wished to make sure I was giving a correct amount. It sure kept future court and lawyer fees out of the equation and worked very well for us. I strongly suggest it. Oh, there was the condition that once elevated to a certain level it couldn't drop below it. No changing jobs or quitting jobs simply to get out of the obligation.

Again, best wishes.
 
school boy;

Dont know, if it comes to a fight it would be a he said she said and the only one getting any money would be the lawyers. The best thing that ever happened to me was the first wife found somebody with a couple of 20's in his pocket and left. Have been with the 2nd wife 40 years now.

steveormary
 
Every time some happy sap posts on here about how thrilled he is to be getting married I think of horror stories like your's!

If only us guys would learn to THINK with the right HEAD!
 

i agree to get an agreement in writing signed before you give her more. i let a woman rake me over the coals once just to get rid of her.she was the type that had to come out on top to feel satisfied. i felt it was worth it to end the kaos ,, and the lawyers fees.but every case is different i guess.lucas.
 
Been through 2 of them - both ex's were reasonable - sat down and devided all of our stuff ourselves, listed it all on a form I got from the attorney - it was somewhat simple but we weren't at war with each other - if the attorney does it for you it will cost!
 
Sorry to see another marriage destroyed by deception . I went through a rough one in 2000 . I was married 33 yrs when satan enticed her into sampling adultry & lust of money . I fought it for 5 yrs trying to save my family from destruction but she only got nastier & evil . I wasted all my retirement & health by trying . My attorney enjoyed eating me up also . It eventually got the bet of me mentally & physically . I do own my hoem with the bnks permission but have had to file bankrupcy & go on total disability . Money is now extinct for me with very poor credit now . I used to have an A+ credit rating & pretty healthy ; plus had my own business . So I do hope you can stay healthy through yours . It seems some of our wives can really be evil & greedy . I do wish you the best & please try leaning on the Lords shoulders through it all . God bless, Ken
 
Get a lawer, they cost alot but they are worth it. If you had any of this is write'n then hold her feet to the fire some. BTDT!!!

Sorry to hear bout your luck, wouldn't wish it on any one.

Dave
 
Sorry Bob, It just ain't going to happen because nature is too cruel to us guys. It is also why we hunt those stupid bucks during the rutt when they have dropped their guard and are looking for Puss-E.
 
If you get married, always make sure she makes more money than you do. The days of the man automatically paying alimony are gone. I got divorced 4 years ago and my ex wanted a dollar value on everything, towels in the bathroom, every utensil in the silverware drawer. I says no, you have my pickup be happy with it. She says I don't know what I'm in for. I says my lawyer says you made more money than me and I'm entitled to alimony. Take what you have and be happy. If you decide otherwise, be prepared to pay. She took my pickup with it's payments, her clothes and personal effects, I got everything else. We had no children. My lawyer said then that the courts don't care who was fooling around, irreconciliable differences is just that. From there they say figure it out on your own or we'll do it for you.
 
Proverb in the good book says it is "better to sit on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome woman."

Basically, you're strung.
 
All circumstances are different,but my x wanted 1/2 of my pension before even I could get it I was too young at the time to draw any of it.

My lawyer [ played ] with her lawyer with My money until I came to the conclusion I would use her lawyer and I ended giving up all I had ever gained in 30 years of marriage, She had already taken 1/2 of the material things in the house, when she left me [To find herself]

I found her in the bar scene with other men, I had to file and still took 5 yrs.

She still wanted to get 1/2 of what she left plus 1/2 of what I would receive in the future,as we were still legally married,and still pay for all she had invested in her lawyer.
I ended walking away from the rental house,[After a year of fighting her], and leaving all the material things there because I didn't want anything to remind me of that life. I then payed her lawyer $1000.00 to convince my x that was all that was left.

It hurt for awhile but now I'm better and with a woman that I should have been married to years ago. And very happy.

I did have a profit sharing plan that was put into a savings plan that she had wasted away without I knowing it,before she left. I couldn't prove where it went so I was blamed on helping her spend it. couldn't get none of that back either. Good luck !!!
 
If you live in state that says split it all down the middle then do just that, she got the $6000 you get the equipment.
simple most any judge will side with you on that one.
Walt
 
Can not say much. Mom and I are approaching 58 yrs on Christmas Day. We always had a deal we never went to sleep mad over some petty thing. Son went through a nasty one. Caught now ex in bed with the paper man. Told her there was the door and not to let it hit her in th a## as she left. He changed the locks on the door. She filed for divoice and wanted her stuff. He said "come and get it but I will be setting by the door watching. Well here she came with a bunch of friends including the #@$. She was so afraid that she forgot one Stainless Steel Pot that was full of Chili. Son had all property in his name. So at the trial she was blocked and got nothing. The funny thing was she sued to get the SS Pot. The judge ruled and gosh that pot makes good chili. That old story of building together is a thing of the past. That old saying "What is mine is mine" is true today. gitrib
 
Make the old iron go away just like the $6000 did.
Went through an expensive divorce some of the best advice I received was from a lawyer friend.Divorce lawyers go into the process with a complete list of marital assets and plan on billing you for 20% of that total.Most of the time people spend on the lawyers than what they are arguing about is worth.
 
Old iron? What old iron? Your storing that piece for this guy, those peices for that buddy, the rest you sold for $100 2 years ago and the guy is finally coming to pick it up after all this time. I am happily married and pray it stays that way, but what I have learned from friends and family that have been in your situation, is that women will take all they can, do what ever they can to nail you outa your shares. I hope she doesnt have a female lawyer. Good luck.
 
We did that but as soon as I and my daughter moved out, she changed her mind on everything. Cleaned outthe savings to "protect her interests" since I had a "history" of not being trustworthy. I then called her and asked what will it take to make her settle and she said 900 then when my lawyer sent that offer they rejected it and wanted yet more. Of course I'm the "greedy one according to her.
 
Divorce possibility is one reason not to marry. Get pre-nuptial agreements and record discussions or get talks terms in writing- preferably in hand written notes with signature. watchout for titles and deeds in both names-I stuckout a couple years aggravation because home was in both names. 13 years with woman was sort of unlucky, I'm free now and she is married to someone with her smoking habits. He is repoted to be kind of sick looking now while I'm serene. Get with both lawyers and get things in writing quick. See clerk of court for judges schedule and try for early court appearance- tell lawyers so they have incentive to settle quick. Take what you can walk away with in both hands and prepare to toss the rest to legal system- you might get something extra but don't count on it. That attitude can be helpful in negotiating sometimes. RN.
 
Wake up and smell the roses!

She will take and take until you put your foot down and stop the abuse.

Close all your accounts; checking, savings, and credit card.

Hide everything you can. If you have posession of it then she will have to fight to get it back or prove you have it.

If you have kids together you better be careful! Abuse charges are a good way for women to win in any fight. Maybe she has abused the childen? District Attorneys are in a hurry to file charges against men. Looks good on their record that they got another man off the street.

Keep on giving in and her new boyfriend will be driving your old tractor.
 
An acquaintance of mine always said that a divorce is just the screwin you get for the screwin you got...and he may be right.
 
Well, the next time you give blood at the blood center and they asked if you ever paid for s e x you can say yes.
 
Like the song says....

..."I'd have a lot more money and less gray hair
I might even be a millionaire
If it weren't for horses and divorces
I'd be a lot better off today"...

(Either one will send you to the poorhouse!)
 
" I dont know I told her to go to the back of the boat and get me a beer.Next thing I turned around and she was gone"
 
Well thats a sad thing,getting a divorce.There is a lot of truth to whats been said about the stuff belonging to somebody else already,posession being 9/10ths of the law,if its your buddies iron thats too bad for her,you just dont want to end up in jail over it,maybe your buddy bought it a couple of years ago,but decided to pick it up now,and put it somewhere its not real easy to see if possible.Sounds like she is going to take you for everything she can,which is normal,you just havent figured out yet that its not going to leave you with much,maybe nothing.Best thing is get an agreement before you all get real mad at each other.The lawyer is gonna be right up there next to her on your $%it list,so may as well not worry too much about that.You dont win anything,and you are lucky to hold on to something.Like somebody else said this is worth about as much as you paid for it,so look at it like that,but I would fight for every thing,so as time goes by you dont have to kick yourself for not doing that when you could.Watch that movie "War of the Roses" before you fill your head with how good one side or the other is,that movie has a lot of truth in it.
 

I was told this along time ago and always remembered it.

In the case of a divorce.


Remember the 3 "Ss"

1- shoot

2- shovel

3- shutup


To bad things arn't that easy ..

Keep your mouth shut and always have a witness around so you don't get set up .
 
Once in awhile my wife says there are some real guy jerks out there and I says take it from me it's about 50-50 and she comes home from work and says you know I think you're right. :) You know that's one of the few times I've been right. Good Luck CT
 
Sorry to hear of your situation. If you"ve been walked on for ten years, its time to kick her to the curb! Fight her for whats yours, or she will continue to kick you when you"re down. It will be tough at times, but you will get through it. Hope you dont have kids, as that makes it worse.
Despite paying my ex over 93,000 dollars the last 12 years in child support, I"ve still done OK for myself because..I WILL NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN!!
 
Would be worthwhile to invest in a legal consultation to find out what the rules are where you live. It shouldn't cost all that much for an hour or two of legal advice, and you'll know exactly where you stand. Based on that, you can make an intelligent decision about whether you need someone to represent you in court or not.

Answer to your question depends on where you live. If you're in a community property state like the Peoples Republik of Kalifornia, everything by law gets split 50-50, with a couple of exceptions. At least in California, anything you owned before getting married is your's, anything she owned before getting married is her's, everything else gets split down the middle. Of course, this can be modified if you both agree...

For a couple thousand dollars it'll probably cost you more for the lawyer to represent you than you'll recover. Its entirely possible to present your case to the judge without a lawyer, and if its a straightforward division of assets the judge can simply make the order. I had kids involved, so was stuck with a lawyer (I got full custody, by the way), but you can present your case for property division without one.

Best advice is to talk to someone who understands the intricacies of the law in your location. You don't have to commit to have a lawyer actually handle your case in order to buy an hour or two of legal advice. In fact, if you did end up with a lawyer, it doesn't have to be the same one you originally talk to.

Keith

 

This is too important to fool around. You could end up working for years to try to make up for your losses - so get a lawyer as quickly as you can. Do NOT go soft on her about anything - divorce is a financial event. Do not let it turn into an emotional event - you will get hosed.
 
Try to come to an agreement between the two of you. Get it in writing with both lawyers present. If it's not worth it go back and start over and divide 1/2 and 1/2. I agree stop letting her make all the rules....James
 
I'm fortunate that I've never gone through a divorce . (Waiting until you're past 30 to marry does have its advantages.) But I have seen a lot of friends go through divorces. It seems that no matter how amicably things start out, once they turn ugly they stay that way.

If you give her the $2500, it will NOT be the end of things. If she's already blown through the six grand, then 2500 won't last long and she'll be back with some new demand. Time to talk to a lawyer, if you haven't done so already.
 
One trip to a lawyer might be the best, she has your half of the 6000.so she has been paid. If you have a friend you might move the old iron there,but be careful who opens the front door.
After mine flew the coop I've come to the conclusion they have got one thing and if they didn't have that,no one would want them.
 
Maybe you should yourself a nice motorcycle with a side car. Take her for a nice ride on a narrow road.
Remember, the Lord helps those that help themselves.

Good Luck
 
i would not give her the 2500 even if it cost me 25000 cause you give her that then next time its 5000 and then 10000 and so on. my suggestion is if she has a sister (((been watching springer to much)))
 
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