feeling a bit depressed.

JL Ray

Member
It has been my plan to move to the home stead where I grew up for years. Mom passed away over a month ago and now I'm trying to get things moving. The depressing thing is the house still has a fair amount of mom and dads thing in it which do me no good and my siblings don't seem to want to help cleaning it out and I need that done so I can start the remodeling. My brother is the trustee and I can't seem to get him going with paper work also, so I don't own it yet. I keep telling him it a sellers market right now and I need to sell my house with the prices high, but he drags along. I said something to my sister and she responded "what stuff"? Like it was already a cleaned out house. I have been working on one barn for three months now, and its just starting to look like I have done something. This week end I plan to move some of my tools to the barn, but the house???? I'm thinking I need to find some one to buy out the stuff that's left, which is just a bunch of little stuff. Nothing of real value. Just mom and dads stuff which I can't throw out. Some of you might say why don't I keep it. Well I'm already a bit of a hoarder and I have kept more than any of my siblings and there kids. So this will be my next project to get the siblings to say ok to let some one have it. UGH. Sorry I had to vent..... It's over now. Thank you for listening.
 
If there was something of value, I'd say engage an auctioneer or better yet, an estate sale service. They exist for this very purpose. Some will box everything up and take it to their place to sell, others will stage everything and have a sale on site.

If there's nothing of value, there are services like 1800gotjunk who will come in and take it all of your hands, but you've got to pay them. Sometimes you have to pay the auctioneer too, if they don't make enough on the sale to cover expenses.

Of course getting a fire lit under your siblings may be tough. My grandparents died during the mid/late 1980s, and they JUST settled the last of the estate here last year.
 
A month does not seem like that long to get an estate settled ? I think I hear of many that took a lot longer ?
Getting the paperwork done or whatever is needed to make it yours is of utmost importance. Once it is yours then do as you see fit. Donate the items ? Find someone to get them for hauling them away ? I would think it would become overwhelming to go through my parents stuff myself. May be best out of site out of mind ?
 
Mike,
I'm not a lawyer, but I think there are ways to avoid probate, trusts and putting your name on property and financial accounts so on death, it's yours.

YT lawyers can tell you how it's done.
 
Until your name is on the dead don't start moving stuff in, relatives will think it's part of the estate. There will probably enough contention between siblings as it is now. It seems there is always one relative or their spouse that will feel cheated and think you screwed them out of the family fortune.
 
when my wife passed we had current wills leaving everything to the survivor - no other heirs involved. our lawyer that wrote the wills was going to handle probate. it
still took almost 8 months. unfortunately 3 weeks was due to him publishing the public notice incorrectly but still it takes time, especially when dealing with the
personal loss. my MIL's estate with 6 heirs took 2 1/2 years.
 
I'm with John...knew someone who asked his dad to drag an old wagon out of the treeline, dad said go ahead, do what you want-you can have it. Son took it home, cleaned off the old bed re-built the frame, new bearings, tires, put a new bed on it. Dad passed away just as the wagon was finished, and now brothers think the "new" wagon should be part of the estate. So watch what improvments you put in the barn, keep ALL reciepts- may still be hard to prove if things get nasty. Sometimes go very smooth, but my friends family is still fighting over theirs. Hate to be a downer but the way people are sometimes. Hopefully yours will go much better! Does take time though depending on how things were set up ahead of time.
 
When dad passed away, the doctor misfiled the death certificate and went on a three week cruise...... was nearly two months before I could get
a death certificate try running a farm when power of atturny expires on death and there is no death certificate, you can't do any paperwork at all
because every agency and business needs one or the other; but every agency and business still wants their stuff turned in or paid on time or
there are penalties.... well which is it then, jeez.

Things actually went downhill from there, it was a tough 3 years to get things wrapped up.

Be careful as others say on what you do, any improvements you make or anything you throw away could really incite a riot with family, wait until
you have ave your paperwork in hand. It's difficult I know, but protect yourself. A few thousand lost selling your place might be pretty cheap in
the long run, wait this out.......

Paul
 
I would not be in such a hurry, it can easily take a year or more to clean things up, do nothing until all is settled signed and filed
 
Estates take time to settle. If your mom passed away less than two months ago you may be jumping the gun if you are trying on taking possession of her house already. It's probably still too soon to even try to estimate how long it will take before you can take possession. Be patient, causing trouble now could make things take longer.
 
I think you are trying to move to fast. You need to slow down and think things out. When mom died it took over a year to go through
all the paperwork. And that was with all six kids agreeing to everything. Slow down do a little at a time.
 

It will take around a full year to get everything done that you need done. remember that your siblings do not have the motivation you do (sellling your house) so they are not likely to hurry. That is just the way it works. Took me two years to get around to going through my parents' things.
 
Been thinking about this thread for the past hour.......

First, I forgot to say, sorry for the passing of your mom. Everyone handles such things differently, I'll guess you and your siblings have different ways of looking at and handling that part of the deal.

It appears you are very gangbusters about getting on with things. That is how some people deal with stuff.

Perhaps some of your siblings are much slower, and want time to accept and move on with things. You are ready to move in the dumpsters, others want time to think it through, let things settle in their mind? It's difficult to see the other side of how people deal with grief differently.

Anyhow, pushing to get an estate settled in two months time where real estate is involved is crazy. Things don't work that way. Slow down, slow way down!

After a year, you can start asking some questions. And see if things can move some.

At two months, your brother barely has the paerwork he needs for the first level, to go get the paperwork he needs for the next level of sorting an estate out.

Don't push so fast.

Nothing good will come of that.

Don't be changing or fixing or dumping out items that still belong to the estate. It's not your stuff yet. It belongs to the estate. Not you.

Slow down.

This is a thing that takes time. Your brother has to work with many govt agencies. We joke about standing in line at drivers licence office. Well, the whole estate govt offices are concerned with giving time for an estate to find all the papers and claimants to be found, as well as assessing all the taxes that are due. Both those operations take lots of time, and detail, and pass through many slow motion govt offices.

Slow down.......

Paul
 
Cheer up a little. The best you can do is inspire the sibs to assist you in donating the remaining "stuff" in the house to Good Will or a charity. This will (you
explain) clear the way for the transition to the legal disposition of the will. At that time, the decisions can be made as to those artifacts that truly are wanted. My
family got court permission to rent my mom and dad's estate while in probate. It is possible with some paper work, signed by all interested parties, for a person to
occupy the property. Best of luck, and realistic encouragement. Jim
 
Your making me feel better.... thanks guys. I know it will take some time but I also know cleaning out and getting ready can be done now. Most of the things of value have been gone for four years. Mom had dementia and we all knew this day was coming for a long time. I have been bring up finish the cleaning for two years. I guess going in last night just got to me. My brother (I love him dearly) really gets me as he is the slowest to do most anything and I know, no mater what he will drag me down the road to Slowsville. As for all the siblings. They all want me to have it. None of them want a thing to do with it and thank you Dad for setting the price in the trust before you passed as that along will save a lot of headaches. BTW it's 54 aches, 26 tillable, four bedroom house, five out building. Two are just one car garages then a 32X80, 32X60 and 60X60.
 
Unfortunately, as you are aware, all of this ends up being related to division of money in one form or another. Hence the delays and sometimes what you might
consider indecision and stalling, etc. There are apparently ways of having gotten it all out of the way earlier, even before your mom died, but of course
that's water under the bridge now. Good luck with everything JL, things will work out, perhaps later than you would have preferred but eventually things will
get settled.
 
It’s a real blessing that your siblings are agreeable. If there is real estate involved you are looking at a year till the estate is settled. It might be a blessing in disguise with your brother taking his sweet time to get things done. New glitches keep coming out of the woodwork as time passes when an estate is involved. My step mom died last July 30 and just the other day, nearly a year after she passed I received a letter from the executor of her estate concerning a life insurance policy that just popped up out of nowhere.
 
Sounds like properly grieving needs to be
addressed along with the disposition of the
estate. Not unlike me and probably many
others on here, getting lost in work and
projects is what you're leaning towards
while grieving, which is fine as long as
you're making headway towards getting over
grieving and not hiding from it. Losing
someone like that plain hurts and, like
settling the estate, takes something like
months to a year or more. Understand that
stuff is just stuff, your memories and
feelings are more important. Also
understand that all the work you're putting
in might not be rewarded in a physical or
financial way when the estate is settled.
But it might reward your soul.
 
I would not be moving anything there yet. I have yet to see an estate with multiple siblings not have trouble getting things all settled. So unless you know 100% that your Mother's will clearly leaves you the homestead or even the right to buy then you MAY get to buy it or not. You say the real estate market is hot for your house to sell. Well that is also true about your family homestead. Have you talked to ALL your siblings and have ALL of them agreed with your buying the homes stead and at what price.

Also the stuff, that is your Mother's and Father's that is still there, is property of the estate so if it has any value than you need to be careful of how your doing things. What you think it is worth may very well be much different than your siblings think it is worth.


So your not out of your morning period yet. Your siblings are not either. Also you brother is the one in control not you. He has a legal obligation to execute your Mother's will just as that will spells out. So whether or not you like it he needs to be making the decisions on what goes and stays not you unless he puts it in writing that your to do this or that.

You did not say where your located. In many parts of the country homesteads are selling for very high prices. Small acreages with houses and out buildings are in demand.

A few weeks ago a homestead with fifty acres sold close to me. Older house but livable and 3-4 older but sound barns. Nothing real modern. The one son thought he had an agreement to buy it for $500,000. One of his sisters would not agree to that deal. The parent's will did not specifically say how a family purchase was to be handled. So they finally agreed for the place to sell at auction. The one son could take his share of the estate off the auction price but had to pay for the balance within 30 days of the auction. The homestead sold for $950,000. The one son could not afford to buy it.

So just be careful and try to have patients. You want the family to still be family when this is done. we all know of families that settling the estate destroyed the family.
 
I agree with others. From past experience, it will take a good year to settle the estate. And there is good reason for this. Enough time must be allowed for anyone with a claim against the estate to come forward. Plus settlement of the estate must be advertised, etc. People complain about legal issues dragging out, but there's usually good reason.

Also, the big question. Does your mother's will address how the acreage will be disposed of? Does it specify that you are to get the acreage, or do you have an option to buy out your siblings? Unless these items are specified in the will, the property may have to be placed on the market with you competing with other potential buyers from the general public.

I wouldn't rush things.
 
A lot of people gave good advice, I
would add that to wait until things
are more settled before cleaning
things out. Put mouse poison in the
house, traps in the out buildings for
raccoons and possums. Those varmints
can make a mess of things.
You will just have to wait to sell
your place. Use this time to get your
things in order. Don't count on help
from family as it probably won't
happen. A lot of the things people
collect are worthless. The second
hand stores won't even take it.
Dumpsters work but are expensive. It
took my brother and me 5 years to
settle a trust with 3 properties. And
there are also taxes.....
 
That would mean you need to get ready on your end but it will take time to settle the estate. Usually a year is average. small estates might be six months.
 
in my opinion , from both mine and my wife's experience with both sides of the family, there is absolutely nothing like a death of the last surviving parent to bring out the absolute best in the siblings LOL my advice, go slowly and do not take anything for granted , you will be dis-appointed if you do good luck !
bob
 
My siblings and I always got along great. There are 6 of us. When Mother died (Pa had been dead for 25 yrs) things started to go down hill. Then each one of us started to put our
selves in the others shoes. Things stared to improve. Now, 5 yrs. later we get along better then ever. Incidentally, it took about 3 yrs. to settle everything.
 
J.L. Ray, If I were in your shoes,I wouldn't do a thing un-tell You have "Total and complete " ownership.
You could do a lot of work and spend a ton of money and than your siblings will want more as you've
increased the total value of the place !!! Jim in N.M.
 

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