Another 'what would you do'

Eldon (WA)

Well-known Member
Last fall a neighbor lady called and asked me to assess some farm equipment for her. Her husband had been bedridden all year and I guess the son has no interest in keeping things going. I told them what my opinion was on a few items, tractor had dead batteries so gave them a "if it runs and checks out ok' price. I never heard back from them. This week I hear her husband is near death and the grandkids set up a 'gofundme' page and are getting little response. They claim they have no money for a funeral. I am trying to decide if I should call (seems like a bad time), and offer to buy the equipment or just mind my own business since she never called back. What would you do?
 
Depending on how well you know them, maybe just go see them and offer moral support. I would let them bring up the subject of the equipment. Somebody just being a friend might help a lot. If you desire to help another opportunity may present itself.
 
Call. Express your condolence. Offer to either buy, or help them sell to others for a reasonable fee. If they are hard for funeral money, they'll be grateful.

Tractors mean something to us. But - we aren't normal. Others mostly see asset money, or something they have to store, repair, and worry over.
 
Since you only have a business relationship with them and haven't been in touch they have no idea that you know all about what is going on,so I'd just call and simply ask if they
had decided what they were going to do with the tractor and equipment.It'd probably be easier for them rather than trying to get into the emotional end of things when you really don't know
them anyway.
 
It would be my luck, if I were to buy from them at this time, to help them out, that later they would blame me for ripping them off.

Recent death in a family here has one member convinced their D15II is a $8000 tractor.
 
Probably be safer to just mind your own business, if you would buy the stuff, they would say it was worth more than you paid for it and end up being mad at you. If it was me I would stay out of it.
 
I would let the matter drop. Even if they are inclined to sell, it's not an appropriate time to raise the subject. If you're actually interested in buying any of the equipment, I'd call the widow a couple of weeks after the funeral and let her know your offer still stands.
 
If it was me I'd let them contact you. It's a very
emotional time and if you already made an offer
they know they can sell to you when they need the
money. If they do contact you and he's really that
low if you were in a position to say under the
circumstances you'd like to give them a little more
even if it's only a few hundred they'll never forget
your kindness and generosity.
 
I see you were asked to assess the equipment, not make an offer.

I'd go visit. Let them know; if it would help, you may be interested in the equipment, should no one else come along.

Just be yourself, be honest, and sincere. Don't come on as a vulcher. They are going through some rough times.
 
bring them a basket of goodies. Ham, turkey, or whatever and see where the conversation goes. Nothing worse than finding out 2 weeks after the funeral that some BTO came over and bought lock stock and barrel for half of what you would pay, and he did it the day the man died. Land ,house and all. BTDT
 
My dad had a long term illness where he was very sick and there were some people that wanted to inquire about some things.I can tell you I had way more respect for those that didn't know him very well that just stated their business and we went from there.Nothing aggravated me more than those that came around with fake concerns and sympathy then worked their way around to what they really wanted that really didn't know him that good and had almost no contact before they wanted something.I put those guys in the same bucket with the people that come here the week before
hunting season and act like I'm their long lost best friend.I respect people being up front and honest not those that think they are being sneaky with false concerns.
 
I agree with Eldon. A neighbor, even one you don't talk with much, can still use a friendly visit in a time like this. If they bring up about needing money or anything, you could then ask what they thought of the estimate you gave and if they had others interested. Who knows, they (or the soon departed one) might make you an offer.

When my parents died we had a neighbor that did not know what to say to the family. They came up to each of us and said the same thing- "you know, we have always wanted your farm. We still want it." And when we decided to sell, they were the last ones to hear.
 
I vote with this approach. Just be neighborly and see where it goes.

BTW, my father-in-law died about 8:00 one evening. At 7:00 the next morning, a BTO neighbor banged on the door and told my mother-in-law that if she wanted to sell the farm he'd write her a check on the spot. She declined. It irked the hell out of me right up to the day he got killed in a car wreck several years later.
 
They thought enough of your opinion to ask it - I'd visit with some food as mentioned in another post. Be very gentle about how you approach the topic about the machinery - as in "did you find any buyers?" People whose nerves are rubbed raw by a crisis like they are facing may be quick to react in a way that has nothing to do with what you intended. You could find yourself being the A-hole neighbor who tried to steal the equipment for a widow woman with the wrong approach.
 
I also recommend you stay away from it. Death brings out a lot of funny emotions in people. They're not thinking straight.

Since you have no personal relationship with these people any sort of outreach on your part may be construed as you trying to screw them out of the equipment given your previous dealings with the wife.

Stay away, and you won't be labeled as a "vulture."
 
I'd say there's a lot of good advice or suggested ways of dealing with it below. Obviously, times must be tough beyond belief
for a family like that, not sure how old their grandkids are, old enough to set up an online "Go Fund Me" endeavor. Sounds
like as many as three generations in the family and not having the funding for a simple funeral, perhaps they haven't thought
of the inexpensive route which would be a basic cremation without any great amount of other expenses involved, some families
spend no more than the basic cremation costs. They should not be extravagant considering how tough things are for them.

The Go Fund Me concept is something which I don't understand fully. I'm sure there are cases where it is valid, it would
almost be worthwhile as a separate O/T discussion here on the forum but I can see that being something that could get ugly
pretty quick.
 
Amen to your comment. My neighbor, a lifelong bachelor about 30 years my senior, found he had inoperable Cancer. My wife and I took him to all his Dr. appointments and kept his place up, even taking care of bills. When he passed, his family (nearest was in California) told us he wanted us to have his place and we asked them what they wanted (it was theirs, after all). Gave us a price which we couldn't afford and we countered with an offer of "Lock, Stock and Barrel". Since his entire family was out of State, they accepted. What happened next was unbelievable to this transplanted Iowan. His family Lawyer went to the County Courthouse to finalize the papers and found that another neighbor was upset that we'd already bought the place. He'd NEVER done anything for his neighbor yet expected preference in dealings. His Lawyer, by the way, was Gibson Holliday, a District Judge, that wrote us that our 'neighbor' was upset about what happened. Still have his place, which we call 'Mr. Kelleys' Place', in his honor.
 
I would be neighborly, but don't offer to buy the machinery. Also, if they are that broke I hope they don't have an
extravagant funeral, they don't have to cost very much.
 
Thanks for the responses. I think I will just wait and see what happens. It sounds like the immediate family is spending most of the time at the hospital, and I do not know them well enough to go there to visit. There is no "farm" to worry about as they just rented land. They had a farmstand like we did, so there was a connection there, but that was about it. I did some custom work for him a couple years ago, but never really knew him that well. He has had MS for years and it always seemed like the family played off his illness when advertising for business, so I was not surprised to see a gofundme page was setup for them. The gofundme page isn't generating much interest, and I know they have assets just sitting there, so it was a thought. Just to verify, I looked at the equipment, gave an assessment and said I could give better numbers when they got the tractor running and I consulted with some of my tractor friends. I did not offer to buy the equipment.
 
did that once in my lifetime,never again. i would not get involved unless they are on your doorstep, then i would even think twice about it. funerals you can do for under 2000.00, or even go direct burial route, i not sure what donation of body runs. but i have the prices of other options in file. i just did my mom few months back so i know the true costs not what rumors are. but to answer your question DO NOT DO IT!!!!
 
Two hardworking sons who provide for themselves, and like wife and I did, they do without THINGS so as to provide for our own. She and I were raised by parents who were raised by parents who taught this. I suppose it is easier to sit in an environmentally controlled room and type out a plea on a pricy pc with pricy internet for somebody else's money than to do something constructive to provide for themselves.
 
(quoted from post at 00:06:52 01/19/18) Last fall a neighbor lady called and asked me to assess some farm equipment for her. Her husband had been bedridden all year and I guess the son has no interest in keeping things going. I told them what my opinion was on a few items, tractor had dead batteries so gave them a "if it runs and checks out ok' price. I never heard back from them. This week I hear her husband is near death and the grandkids set up a 'gofundme' page and are getting little response. They claim they have no money for a funeral. I am trying to decide if I should call (seems like a bad time), and offer to buy the equipment or just mind my own business since she never called back. What would you do?
Eldon in reading your post here it sounds like your neighbor lady has trust and faith in your judgement to call you last year to give her an estimate of the value of the equipment, as others have said here Eldon give her a call, maybe drop over with a food hamper you and your wife, see if the equipment is still there? if the equipment is still there I would let her bring it up about what she wants to do, and offer your help up to and including buying the equipment if you want it, or helping her sell it, an offer of help from you will mean a lot to her at a tough time like this.
 
Throw 20 bucks in the plate at the funeral, no way I would do any financial dealings with them at this point, you WILL get blamed for SOMETHING.
 
Sounds familiar. My younger brother died in a car crash around 2:30 in the morning, and before noon we had a neighbor from about a mile away wanting to rent the farm. SOBs!
 
There is a BTO living in the area that does that...repeatedly. He will be on the doorstep before the body is in the ground
He's 75+ years old and thinks he's got to have more land. He still does it because some people will sell it to him before they are over their grief and come to their senses.
 
The neighborly thing to do would be to offer help for anything they need and be prepared to spend several days cleaning rain gutters, fixing fences, replacing toilets, trimming tree limbs, painting, hauling trash,contribute money, etc. I suspect that if they wanted you help getting the farm equipment ready to sell they would have asked for it before now.
 
Maybe they were not happy with your assessment and that is why you have not had any further contact from them.
Or they then listed the equipment and it is gone.
 

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