Men's Rules...............

Goose

Well-known Member
This will probably get poofed, but I just gotta post it.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.


That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.

Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.


1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hunting, fishing, golfing, or something with wheels.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
 
I thought this was #1.We already have to remember what day Christmas,New Years,Independence Day and when Babe Ruth hit his 714th fall's on,how do you expect us to remember what day we got married?
 
all little girls should be taughtthis stuff about age 5
if you want something for birthday or any day for that matter tell you would like and give us 4 or 5
items to pick from
then don't get all huffy cause we didn't guess right
you are not a tractor or a cow those things i can figure out if a tractor won't start check the gas tank.
if a cow gets outs it's 1. she needs feed or 2. some knot head (me) left the d gate open easy right?
 
If you see something you want for Christmas / birthday / anniversary, for example at Hobby Lobby some day, in a far far aisle hidden behind something else, DO NOT PUT IT ON YOUR Christmas list / birthday list / anniversary list months later and expect me to go scavenger hunt it!!!! JUST BUY THE DDERN THING AND GIVE IT TO ME and say here, wrap this. I cannot spend all of a Saturday hunting for it.
 
Roger Welsch speaks of little girls going to "Women School" to learn all those things that annoy us in the book "Everything I Know About Women, I Learned From My Tractors".
 

Men are not mind readers. Good Lord, if only they'd figure this out!

A couple years back my wife, we've been together since 1977, finally figured out that when I said, "I don't care.", in answer to a question about what I wanted to eat or where I wanted to go or whatever meant that I ACTUALLY DIDN'T CARE! To her, this was a ground breaking development of epic proportion. To me, it was puzzling that she'd spent 40 years thinking I didn't mean that I didn't care! :shock:
 

Here is another one that is a big one for me: When I ask you a question please answer my question. Don't translate it into a complexly different question before answering it.
 
(quoted from post at 05:44:01 01/09/18)
Men are not mind readers. Good Lord, if only they'd figure this out!

A couple years back my wife, we've been together since 1977, finally figured out that when I said, "I don't care.", in answer to a question about what I wanted to eat or where I wanted to go or whatever meant that I ACTUALLY DIDN'T CARE! To her, this was a ground breaking development of epic proportion. To me, it was puzzling that she'd spent 40 years thinking I didn't mean that I didn't care! :shock:
e were married 40 years ago in June of 77 same year as you. I agree 100% with what you said. I will also add that I understand less about her today than I did 42 years ago when I met her. She's here for the duration, not looking for another but she is a puzzle at times.
 

I will disagree with you on the toilet seat rule. Both the ring and the lid should always be down when not in use. If you've ever had to completely remove a toilet from the floor, because something fell in and wouldn't go on through, and wouldn't have happened in the first place if the lid had been down, you will agree.
 
Like that half-used roll of grey duct tape that both boys denied ANY knowledge of????
 
I'm thinking it's gonna get printed, framed and hung in a easy to see place. When she gets huffy about something, I'll refer her to rule #1.
 
Amen to everything but "When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really".

Walk out of the house in sweat pants or pajamas,you'd better just be going to the garage to get something out of your car.
 
And when I say something in front of your friends or relatives,you don't have to repeat it word for word like you're translating it for them. We speak the same language as far as I know.
 
(quoted from post at 10:06:53 01/09/18)
Walk out of the house in sweat pants or pajamas,you'd better just be going to the garage to get something out of your car.

This I agree with 100% and I'll throw spandex in the mix as well.
 
You're right Gary, but I will anyway! They're still getting over me using a hand-held compressed air horn as an alarm when they don't get up in time for school.
 
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. (Really, this isn't much of a limitation...)
 
(quoted from post at 10:04:38 01/09/18) You're right Gary, but I will anyway! They're still getting over me using a hand-held compressed air horn as an alarm when they don't get up in time for school.
ot an air horn but Dads boot hitting the bottom step after you had been called to come down. It could get ugly pretty quick.
 
When I get to heaven I am going to ask God why he made women so hard to understand. Wouldn't it be so much easier if they thought like us!!!
 

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