I recently held the hand of my best friend and mate of 33 years. I also held my mothers hand for her last breath 6 years ago. No need for sympathy or prayers-----just curious. Their suffering has ended. I kind of wonder if it really helped them, at least I know they didn't pass alone. At least I can have no guilt about being absent. Two very fine women that no longer walk this earth-----both of them better than I.
- Thread starter atlarge54
- Start date
Bob Harvey
Well-known Member
I'm one. My Dad about 12 yrs. ago.
Richard G.
Well-known Member
I held my dad's hand and told him we were all OK. He always was trying to do whatever he could for his kids and grandkids. He died a couple of minutes later. I know he heard my words.
Richard in NW SC
Richard in NW SC
Brendon Warren
Well-known Member
My mother's back in 1994.
Sadly, I have done several (Dad, MIL, Aunts, and others). I am a firm believer that the best you can do at times like that is be there and tell them it is okay to go and that you will be okay and that you understand. Let them know it was an honor to have known them and what a pleasure it was to have them as a part of your life.
No person (or beloved pet) should have to pass on alone IMOP.
No person (or beloved pet) should have to pass on alone IMOP.
Bob Bancroft
Well-known Member
- Location
- Aurora NY
The closest I've been was a co-worker/friend/father figure 30 years my senior. I was there with him in the hospital the last day he was conscious.
I was just discussing this with my wife. She was closest to, and with her mother, who died a slow torturous death from cancer almost 35 years ago.
I just found out today a former old friend (23 years my senior) passed away Monday. If I had known anything was up, I certainly would have given the poor guy some of my time, to fill his time, at such a difficult time. I can't imagine what it's like to lay there waiting to die.
I was just discussing this with my wife. She was closest to, and with her mother, who died a slow torturous death from cancer almost 35 years ago.
I just found out today a former old friend (23 years my senior) passed away Monday. If I had known anything was up, I certainly would have given the poor guy some of my time, to fill his time, at such a difficult time. I can't imagine what it's like to lay there waiting to die.
cole in mo.
Well-known Member
I was holding my dads hand back in 83 when he said I think I can go to sleep now. I told him I'd go get some supper and be back, I hardly got home when they called and said he had gone.
DENNIS MIN
Member
Atlarge54,
Wow, you've given me a chance to remind myself that death is a part of being alive, in a very significant way.
I saw my Grandmother delicately grab the dead hand of my cousin, she died in a tractor rollover accident.
I was never introduce to death and it's humanity. That grasp has held me in ways I cannot describe.
D.
Wow, you've given me a chance to remind myself that death is a part of being alive, in a very significant way.
I saw my Grandmother delicately grab the dead hand of my cousin, she died in a tractor rollover accident.
I was never introduce to death and it's humanity. That grasp has held me in ways I cannot describe.
D.
Along the same line, my brother in law passed on last year. There were four siblings in his family and he is the first to go. He was sick and wasn't expected to live much longer. The bad part is he was living in South Korea (married his wife while stationed there years ago), and none of his family could be there. I got a call from my wife one afternoon, telling me she had just talked to her brother and he had told her "bye" and spoke a bit and hung up. Turns out he had called each of his siblings, told them bye, and died minutes after the last call.
Sad, but how many people get to do that?
Sad, but how many people get to do that?
showcrop
Well-known Member
Some time ago I was at Annual School district meeting. I was sitting in the front row because I was a member of the budget committee. Suddenly the moderator, who was right in front of me, and was a good friend, started to keel over. Being an EMT I jumped to his side, and helped him to the floor and watched the life go out of his eyes very quickly.
willie in mn
Well-known Member
Not a loved one, but the daughter of a friend. I actually knew her when she was cashier at dairy store. That was over 35 years ago, & I still get a bit misty-eyed whenever I see a bad accident.
Was working with sheriff dept, called to traffic accident. Victim was pinned under rolled over car. With all the mud on her face I didn't recognize her. All I could do for her was hold her hand, brush away the mosquitos, & talk to her, tell her that more help was coming, just hang on a few minutes. Didn't realize who she was until doing paper work later at hospital & her parents walked in.
Willie
Was working with sheriff dept, called to traffic accident. Victim was pinned under rolled over car. With all the mud on her face I didn't recognize her. All I could do for her was hold her hand, brush away the mosquitos, & talk to her, tell her that more help was coming, just hang on a few minutes. Didn't realize who she was until doing paper work later at hospital & her parents walked in.
Willie
Paul from MI
Well-known Member
Dad died 20 years ago, and I was by his side. I wish I had known then that hearing is the last sense to go at death, I'd have told him a lot more about what he meant to me. But I know he knew anyway.
Back in 1999 my mom and I were taking my dad in to the hospital. He walked to the car and got in fine. Part way there I was talking to him and noticed he wasn't responding. I grabbed his hand and was trying to feel for a pulse. I held his hand the rest of the way into town. While in the emergency room I ran the "squeeze" style ventilator they use to help. I could tell in his eyes he wasn't there anymore. They got his heart started but was on life support after that. A day later we had to take him off of it. He was supposed to go in for a heart stress test 3 days later. While I was looking some papers over a little later I found a note from him that he didn't want to be on life support and a couple other "instructions". I think he knew. I was 34 at the time.
casecollectorsc
Well-known Member
- Location
- E central SD.
Dad passed in 2012. All us kids were there. Mom had passed 1 1/2 months before. Dad was comatose, blood oxygen level in the upper 40s(95 is normal) raised his head, eyes closed, said "mom says she loves you guys". Died about 1 hour later. That and other stories I've heard makes one believe in a afterlife.
Dieseltech
Well-known Member
- Location
- Akron, Indiana
First wife back in 1988...
dcarp
Well-known Member
- Location
- Schulenburg Texas
Was with my FIL when he passed. Spent 3 weeks staying with my Mom from 5 till 5, during the week & 5 Saturdays till 5 am Mondays. The last Monday she passed 2 hours after I left for work. Hospice lady who was there said the same thing, very common for them to pass during the 5 minutes you are gone out of the 24 hour day you are there.
Same Here ,thanx for posting ,. Personaly I prefer births over the final hour ,and I know you agree ,but when all in order, after a long wonderful life as my mother had ,there was a final guilt free relief, that now ceased her suffering and ultimate helplessness and dependency for a LADY who devoted her entire life to making things better for everyone around her , , . my Sara and I were with Mom as she passed away march 20, I held moms hand ,, and dialed everyone with my free hand at 2am, 6 more were there in short order , ,, donna came 1st , .. we sang to MOM a song from church.."We Remember How You Loved us , til your death , and still we celebrate,because you are with us here , and we believe that we will see you when you come ,.. in your glory,Lord ... we remember , we celebrate ,we believe " ...we could still detect a faint heartbeat, but nuthin could be done to keep mom here ..and then we started praying the rosary, with Sara praying the 1st Hail Mary of each decade in Sicilian Italian ,( Mom LOVED my Sara like Her Own , and loved to here the" PRETTY TALK" ) one by one ,everyone started making it in and qently touched Mom , and took spots at her bedside ,,.when we finished prayer , the house Dog" Curly "
seemed to understand that his companion was Now..gone,,. he is a Cairin Terrior ,Donna Laid him on my Mothers side, and he licked her hand and nimbly climbed up on her and sniffed at Moms face,then lowered his head between his paws and whined and sniffed .. a very touching moment for all of us to witness from the "furry little pain in the arse ,,. " as Mom sometimes lovingly .LOL ..refered to him ...Donna broke tearful silence and said ," if Curly rolls over on his back with all 4 in the air to mimic I am gonna smack him one "" ,..in true honesty we celebrated thru lots of tears moms long life at her funeral , my oldest cousin is 82, he commented at the funeral dinner that," it was a shame they did not do 21 gun salutes for " Rosie the Riviters " because mom deserved that from her years building airplanes during world war 2 "..
seemed to understand that his companion was Now..gone,,. he is a Cairin Terrior ,Donna Laid him on my Mothers side, and he licked her hand and nimbly climbed up on her and sniffed at Moms face,then lowered his head between his paws and whined and sniffed .. a very touching moment for all of us to witness from the "furry little pain in the arse ,,. " as Mom sometimes lovingly .LOL ..refered to him ...Donna broke tearful silence and said ," if Curly rolls over on his back with all 4 in the air to mimic I am gonna smack him one "" ,..in true honesty we celebrated thru lots of tears moms long life at her funeral , my oldest cousin is 82, he commented at the funeral dinner that," it was a shame they did not do 21 gun salutes for " Rosie the Riviters " because mom deserved that from her years building airplanes during world war 2 "..
yes ,,. thanx for posting , don't wanna hijack ,, but Moms last semi conciuos hours confirmed the same ,,. ,,she told my sisters and my brother Bob ,after mentioning some long gone relatives and smiling ,.That "Dad was here now "..,, I was in Kitchen , when Bob came out white as a sheet clearly touched ,wiping his eyes ,, saying , "That Is REAL,, My Mom Would Not fake that !, THAT IS REAL"
hope this story can give you some comfort ,one of my great aunts was found just like that in her flower garden And ,1st week in December 1998, my sister lost her f-I-l , and Joel lost his Dad ,,.the epitomy of a Harrison county dirt farmer who grew up in the hard scrabble 30s ,,just imagine a tall smiling weathered figure made from leather and wrapped in wire and you have pictured Roy Hubbard..he was a SWCD board director for over 40 yrs and a master cattleman farmer,.,,the nite he passed on, he and granddaughter Becky age 15, were bottle feeding dairy calves he had just got from the neighbor up the road ,. they were just talkin about everything including names for the calves , when Roy stopped in mid sentence, gasped, Becky looked over and could see his face pained , she helped him down to a bale of hayand leaned him against the big tire of the new Ford tractor, and called for help..VFDparamedics were there in 12 minutes said it looked like a massive stroke , nuthin they did seemed to help , and Joel made the decision to take him off Life support next morning ,. IMHO , You could not ask for a better way to go than any of those scenarios ..
Ken Christopherson
Well-known Member
Never have held the hand of a loved one at the time of passing, but seen a lot of people minutes before.. Friends.. Family. Most recent was dad, and it has left a huge whole in my heart. He passed on 11-20 at the age of 55 (massive heart attack), and we just had the memorial service on the 14th. I've been able to keep my composure pretty well - up until the time came to read the eulogy. I got about 2 paragraphs in and fell apart. Was able to regain composure, but it was a struggle. He had many struggles of his own, and only contacted me when he was in financial need. Last time we spoke was when I told him I was proposing to my fiance (whom he never got the chance to meet) at the Nowthen, MN Threshing Show. Had many friends and family there to witness the event - but I never heard back from dad prior to, and he never came.
Next thing I know the sheriff is knocking on my door to give me the notification of passing. Been a roller coaster ride of stress ever since. I know he is in a better place now, and his struggles are over. But for me, there are a lot of unanswered questions.
Next thing I know the sheriff is knocking on my door to give me the notification of passing. Been a roller coaster ride of stress ever since. I know he is in a better place now, and his struggles are over. But for me, there are a lot of unanswered questions.
Goose
Well-known Member
We weren't holding hands, but I was at my father-in-law's bedside when he shoved off. He just took several deep breaths and it was over.
It's ironic that my wife was with my mother when she passed. My wife said my mother, who had been unresponsive for two days, suddenly sat up in bed and said, "It's so beautiful!" and held out her arms like she was reaching out to someone. She lay back down in the bed and 20 minutes later she was gone.
With both my father and my mother-in-law, we got phone calls from the hospital in the middle of the night.
It's ironic that my wife was with my mother when she passed. My wife said my mother, who had been unresponsive for two days, suddenly sat up in bed and said, "It's so beautiful!" and held out her arms like she was reaching out to someone. She lay back down in the bed and 20 minutes later she was gone.
With both my father and my mother-in-law, we got phone calls from the hospital in the middle of the night.
teddy52food
Well-known Member
Well, when I go, I hope it is out in the woods (God's Church) some place all alone without a bunch of people gawking at me!
Jim in N.M.
Member
Took care of my wife for seven and a half yrs. She passed away on Dec. 14 th. 2011. I was there with her till her last breath, And how she fought leaving!!. I told her that it was OK for her to let go, that we (the kids ) and I would be OK. We were married fifty two yrs. and never spent a day or night apart ! Great woman,loved her dearly, I'm sure it was the other way also ! How in God's name she put up with me is beyond me !!LOL
Mark in Wis.
Member
My dad June 3, 2000. Was in the hospital, we stopped
to visit him around 4 pm, He was sleeping so soundly
we didn't want to disturb him. Got home around 5 to
milk and got a call from the hospital to get there as
soon as possible.First thing dad asked was who was
doing the chores? He passed around midnight from
congestive heart failure, I held his hand the whole
time only leaving to call my brother 3 times.Brother
refused to come saying that it was to hard for him.
So happy I was there for him at that time, he was not
only my dad but my friend, teacher, and business
partner.
to visit him around 4 pm, He was sleeping so soundly
we didn't want to disturb him. Got home around 5 to
milk and got a call from the hospital to get there as
soon as possible.First thing dad asked was who was
doing the chores? He passed around midnight from
congestive heart failure, I held his hand the whole
time only leaving to call my brother 3 times.Brother
refused to come saying that it was to hard for him.
So happy I was there for him at that time, he was not
only my dad but my friend, teacher, and business
partner.
I held my dad's hand for about 12 hours before he passed. An interesting story about the end. His name was Bob, his pastor was Bob and his friend Bob were there with me at the end. After he passed his pastor said, please let us have Bob lead us in a prayer, I about passed out in shock, not realizing there were 2 other Bob's there.
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