why cant i be happy like some people

Brian806

Member
Im just venting but I just cant get it! Me I have 18 million things that need done some wanta do projects that if I just got rid of them it wouldn't matter you guys know the type of projects I mean! So between my projects my 10 hour plus day job and my crop farming and the fact im getting married in two months and the fact the future mrs. wants kids asasp! My head spins all day everyday to the point some may think im just miserable sob! So when I talk to some other people I know especially one close friend who is in the same boat I am at this point in life! He has no care in the world when or if his projects get done how his crops look if he makes a nickel or not farming if his truck looks like crap or what his equipment looks or runs like! And hes as happy as a pig and poop! I don't understand why I let all this get to me and some people don't have a care in the world on what they accomplish in life! maybe I look at life wrong guess we all came into the world empty handed and were all gonna leave empty handed! So why to try so hard! well is suppose time to go do something constructive!
 
As is often said: "Life is the journey, not the destination". Just try to make the journey as best you can. Personally, I always strived for a bit more than I could achieve, but that is just my style.

Keep on striving and enjoy the trip.
 
Well,when you get old enough,you'll learn that a good bit of happiness is just learning to accept when things are "good enough". Not having the best,or the most,but just enough that it's "good enough". That's when you'll stop wanting to beat yourself up wanting more,or better. Just keep telling yourself,this is good enough.
I'll always remember back when I was 18,19 years old driving milk truck. I hauled a couple of old Germans who lived across the road from each other. They both seemed to be about as successful as each other. The one old guy was always smiling and joking though and the other was more serious. The serious old coot said that about his neighbor,that he never wanted to get any better,everything was good enough. I'll never forget that,or how happy that old fella seemed.
 
To be happy is a personal choice not something others make happen. Worry is also a personal choice also and a person can choose not to worry. Proper concern is a totally different thing from worry. Worry can keep you awake nights but proper concern gets you up and after tasks fresh each day. You can care deeply about things of great importance and still not worry. It takes some close to a life time to figure it out and others never do.
 
Oh, I also want to add, you need to talk to the future Mrs. 806 about it. You guys should be on the same page about stress and kids. If you really think you want to wait a bit, and she doesn't want to wait at all, you have an issue. On the other hand, congratulations on your upcoming marriage! I wondered why I waited so long when I finally married Mrs. In-too-deep. Formerly Miss MN to the guys that know around here.
 
So you are conscientious, ambitious and driven to accomplish things and stuff. None of that is bad, in fact it is great attribute. Many times the "gotta do" projects interupt the "wanta do" projects. As you add a wife then children, the 'wanta do" time will decrease as the "gotta do" increases. Continually work to be the best husband, father, person you can be. As that may well be the best accomplishment of your life. Remember the priorities, wife, kids, you. Nothing else really matters. Ok down off my podium now....gobble BTW be happy and satisfied others are worse off than you.
 
I like Will Rodger's comment: "Most people are as happy as they make up their mind to be".
 
Chill,relax,have a beer.,Its OK to be less than perfect.I think you are just feeling overwhelmed.....And you are also suffering from a case of the 'White Panic'........Good luck and congratulations!
 
Brian, I feel your pain, I can get myself wrapped up in that same crazy whirlwind. I'm 58 now, took me many years to even begin to get a handle on it. I've found that I have to make a conscious choice every morning not to get myself into that mode of thinking. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, I start over. Stop what I'm doing, say a prayer, regroup.

I like to start my day early, but not by jumping straight into the work. Do some morning prayer, meditation, reading, etc. Set some doable goals. Talk to a trusted friend, an accountability partner you can share your problems with.

The sooner you can get a game plan the better. This kind of stress is a killer, it nearly got me!

Remember, keep doing what your doing, gonna get what your getting!

One day at a time.

HALT: Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.
 
Some things you can let go, others need to be done well. Trick is to know the difference. You're getting married and starting a family, there's your priority. You won't get it all perfect and it doesn't have to be. Your friend doesn't care but that isn't right either. Find something in the middle. I just retired but I've been working and doing the dad thing since I was 19 and felt overwhelmed at times but somehow always got through it. One thing I learned is that 97% of what you worried about never happens.
 
Had an uncle just like you. To many projects going at one time. After 15 years it cost him his family. Slow down do what you can and don't worry about the rest
 
Not everybody can do it. I made a choice that what God wants me to do and get done will happen.

What doesn't get done today will be there tomorrow, and if I die in the mean time it will not affect me. If I don't die it will be there in the morning.
Taking to much stock in what you do or can do in this life for personal gain will help you nothing in eternity.

We have 9 children, all are a blessing from God and came at a time when He saw fit.

We are not rich in material things but in health and happiness VERY rich.

I was asked by a lady one day when I was trucking "Why do you never complain" 2 answers

1. It doesn't gain anything.
2. God did not put me on this earth to complain but to be a witness.

Worry is the same, helps nothing and changes nothing.

My wife said one day after having 6 or 7 children that she was tired of worrying about having more and what God wanted would happen, And after that she has enjoyed more of life than the first 13 years of marriage worrying.
We have many people ask ,How do you do it? By the grace of God, that's how.

Take your life one day at a time and know that what you do is your choice, and you must live with that choice.

It takes time to get in that mentality but it is the way it should be.

TALK, TALK, TALK, with your fiancé that is how you get through differences. Don't stop once you are married either.

Enjoy your life together
 
I don't believe I can add anything to the "being happy" advice, but I will say one thing, and I may catch flack for this but it is how I feel. I see so many couples getting married today and having a family right off the bat. Nothing wrong with that, except for one thing. Unless you have known each other for YEARS, you don't really know each other. Give your marriage a year or two at least before starting a family. Get to know each other, your "little ways", and believe me, they are there! Make sure you can solve your problems, whatever they may be, before adding another person to the mix. Because when children come along, that changes everything. Better to wait a little while and be sure it will work than to fail and have children to suffer also. JMHO
 
Whatever happens, happens. You can't do anything about it, so why bother worry? Not worry isn't as easy as it sounds, infact, nearly impossible to do by yourself. Pray, pray, pray. Ask God to take care of your worries. It may sound crazy, but if you have faith he will, then he will. Read the bible. Not worrying doesn't mean you don't care. It means you're smart enough to know that it will make no difference.
 

Sounds like you need to get rid of a few projects by passing them along to someone who is sure that he will get to them.
 
You need to sit down and list the most important things to you in order, those things you're doing that are on the bottom of the list you need to let go so you can actually enjoy life a little.
 
(quoted from post at 17:43:16 07/21/14) cjunrau- Thank you for such a enlightened post.

I appreciate that.

Greg


You need to step back and decide what's really important. And don't try to change things that you can't change.

Rick
 
In my 63 yrs I have come to the conclusion that if you are a perfectionist then don't go for volume and if you need to have volume then you can't be a perfectionist. If you need perfect kids then don't have eight of them! Myself, I would rather have a few perfect toys /autos / tractors and yes even kids than a whole passel of everything that is marginal and will never be any more. You CAN be happy , you just need to set priorities based on your true limitations. I know a guy with 10 '57 Chevies in all stages of disrepair , none worth anymore than parts salvage and never will be. I guess he is happy. I would have to have ONE good one.
 
Lots of great advice here... and I second what Shadetree says - don't be a big hurry to have children. Get to know each other (and even if you've known each other for a long time, married is different than dating).

Second thing, is try to pay off debt and build up savings a bit before having children too. It seems like a crying baby on top of broke & stressed would not be a whole lot of fun.
 
Wants to have kids asap. Unless your in your mid-30s or older, I would call an auctioneer quick and when done leave town quick. Then start over.
My wife and I had excellent communication from day one. This is not to say we did not have problems. But, we alway worked thru them. She worked with me and was a great support when I was weak and visa versa. It has been that way for 40 years. You have to learn the world is not a perfect place nor are a lot of the people in it.
 
(quoted from post at 19:29:31 07/21/14) Lots of great advice here... and I second what Shadetree says - don't be a big hurry to have children. Get to know each other (and even if you've known each other for a long time, married is different than dating).

Second thing, is try to pay off debt and build up savings a bit before having children too. It seems like a crying baby on top of broke & stressed would not be a whole lot of fun.

I don't know sweet, we raise 7 on a soldiers pay. her and I did without things but the kids sure had cool stuff! The key is being a happy person to start with. Gotta learn to laugh at things that would tend to make you mad.

Rick
 
I agree, there is a lot of very good advice here. I remember one movie I watched a while back. A guy was talking to a friend of his. He and his girlfriend were arguing all the time and made up. He said his girlfriend wanted to get married so they were going to, and he said "We are going to have a baby right away....cause who can argue with a baby around all the time?" I think some marriages are that way. It was a comedy lol.
 
Just to add a thought I had a while back (yes I do occasionally get them lol) On the road of life sometimes you have to stop and shake your shoes off. (If you don't...life gets to weighing you down like muddy shoes. You can walk better with less...)
 
The Mrs. and I dated for three years, lots of talks about what we wanted out of our future. Best move we made, we had a plan long before we married. This December will be 50 years, I knew I could fool her, but I didn't know I could do it this long.
 
Regardless of when you have children or how many you get, you need to be a man first, husband second and father third. She needs to be a woman first, wife second, and mother third. She might not have her priority in the correct order.

I knew a woman who always wanted a baby in her arms. Her first husband stopped at about 6 kids and divorced her. She had two more with two more men. Some people just can not be alone.

Marriage is a union between two people. That takes time to develop. Kids need to wait until you get there.

Projects. Complete a couple of them quick and you will feel better
SDE
 
As far the folks endorsing "good enough", it has its place. I'm overwhelmed daily and just move from crisis to crisis for the most part. "Good enough" is why so much stuff breaks time after time, why the garden never seems to get weeded, why my wife has been living with a crappy laundry room for 15 years. "Good enough" has it's limits guys. Sometimes you have to do it right.

To the OP, talk to your girl, talk to God, try and get things settled and come up with a workable plan. It seems every marriage starts with a guy thinking she'll stay just like she is and every woman thinking she can turn him into what she wants. Both sides are wrong. Better get things figured out. Prayer, meditation, faith in a greater plan/higher power seems to help most folks. I know it does me
 
Here is some of my reality. If the job pays the bills, that always comes first. I take 12 hrs out of my day for work from the time I leave till the time I get back. The crops may or may not get planted on time in this scenario. I don't know how many acres you are farming but I switched to forage crops cuz the work can be done when the days are longer. Not as profitable, but my stess levels went way down.

Projects that don't have a direct correlation to food, clothing, or shelter need to be forgotten about. That is reality especially once you got a wife and kids. I have learned that if you put off some projects long enough, they never do need to be done. The situation changes or the problem cures itself.

It took me a few years to come to grips with it all but you learn your limitations with age.
Am I happy about how my life and work fit together? No. But it doesn't eat on me anymore like it used to.
 
Brian, I am the same way so you are not alone. Everything you describe is just like my thoughts. I assume it could be because I take pride in what I have and how my stuff looks. My Mrs. wants kids too now but we have been married for a year and we bought a farm last year so that takes lots of work plus my day job at a JD dealer takes the majority of my time. So my only advise is if it makes you happy to have nice crops and nice equipment and a nice place I say just keep doing what you are doing. Its nice to see some people still care what the neighbors and public see and have pride in what you have worked for.
 
It depends on your definition of "good enough". Unless you are going for perfection at some point you have to say "that's good enough".

For one person repairing a piece of farm equipment, anything that will survive today is good enough. For another, everything fixed to specs but not factory is good enough. It depends on the person.
 
Exactly. If you have to have absolute perfection in everything you have or do,yes,you'll go nuts and drive yourself to an early grave. Not to mention how you'll drive others away by being a n a l about everything. Just look for a happy medium. Nothing wrong with being "not bad". It could always be worse. Or the old saying,not bad for who it's for.
 
(quoted from post at 22:23:34 07/21/14) I don't believe I can add anything to the "being happy" advice, but I will say one thing, and I may catch flack for this but it is how I feel. I see so many couples getting married today and having a family right off the bat. Nothing wrong with that, except for one thing. Unless you have known each other for YEARS, you don't really know each other. Give your marriage a year or two at least before starting a family. Get to know each other, your "little ways", and believe me, they are there! Make sure you can solve your problems, whatever they may be, before adding another person to the mix. Because when children come along, that changes everything. Better to wait a little while and be sure it will work than to fail and have children to suffer also. JMHO

That's some damn good advice there. Well said.
 
Should add in that when it comes to repairs it has to be done right in my book or I'm not happy. That home, out buildings and everything. I hate patch jobs. But I don't have the time to make my equipment pretty. So I just live with it.

Rick
 
Sounds familiar! Although I may be older. I have 150 yrs of projects now I see that I will never touch some of them. Once the kids come you will NEVER touch them. I have 16 tractors a few restored and haven't been able to turn a wheel in years. I get to the local show maybe every other year to look for a few hours. As to having kids look at it two ways: we made plans and built a house etc then had them, my best friend the other way around. Well, guess what? his youngest is 22 and my youngest is 13! I will work until Im 70!! And choose your career paths wisely 60 plus hours a week plus school activities etc adds up to no "me" time. Better to have a good paying 40 hr job even if it stinks. Trust me on that one. I'm really finicky about projects too but after a while all you have time for is "good enough". First its the car then the plumbing and on and on. And in my case senior care for my parents entered in.
 

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