First JD I echo Larry's statement--It's great that your wife is improved and getting better.
I've lived in and fixed up "used" houses all my life and after I started working in 1966 I owned them. In 1994 we decided to buy a farm with the thought that we would eventually retire there. I have not regreted that decision even when everything seemed to be breaking down at the same time it has been great stress relief from the government job. When we were deciding on where to put the buildings the site for the house was set aside and we started building in 2010. I finally retired this year at 70 and after working 47 years and we should finish the house.
This is what I have come realize.
1) no "used" house will have the basic structure you really want-- wanted a house that will stand "forever" so the basement has 10" think walls of 4000psi concrete. The main floor walls are 6" thick and fully insulated--bring down the heating/cooling costs. I wanted minium maintainence costs so the outside is brick and stone and the trim is metal--just powerwashing.
2) You cannot ever remodel a "used" house to get what you want. And you have to be very insitant to get what you want in a "new" house--all the contractors have been taught to build cheap.
So you snd your wife will do what you think best and it will be fine.
1) Location is very important so don't settle, keep looking. Why do you have to buy a building site? There is no spot that you own which works?
2) Don't rush in. You'll live there till you die; get it right. That's the whole point.
I was going to include a phot of the house but have forgotten how to include it--sorry.