I need to vent... seriously... I want to kill...

John_PA

Well-known Member
I made a trip today about 100 miles round trip to get some moldboards for my plow. I took my dad along. He's 71 and loves going out for a drive especially to the lands of Columbiana, OH where the fields are reltively flat and well cared-for.


We had a good day out. I was happy to have spent the time with him.


He drove home. When we made the turn onto my driveway, I see my diesel truck flying across the field towards the new big shop. We were both stunned. Who is driving my truck? My dad still owns the truck, but, it's the farm truck and only I drive it. We are both very particular about this...


I pull into the drive and I see my truck backing towards my trailer. I see my brother-in-law in the truck. I have a few choice words about how he is driving it, but I'm not too alarmed. Normally I get worried. He does stupid things. He is 43 years old and doesn't have a lick of sense in his body. I'm nearly 10 years his junior, but I grew up farming. He didn't not. He is one of those guys who knows everything. He won't ever listen to anything, and I can't yell at him because he takes it out on my sister, who is 15 years younger than him. I am forgiving and patient. If he does something stupid, I don't yell or get mad. I treat him like he was retarded and needs special help. He is a certified paramedic. He can legally cut your throat and insert a trach tube if you are dying.

I know he doesn't know much about farming, but I deal with it.

With all that in my mind...

I unloaded the new moldboards from my dad's car(all 99 lbs of them) in one fell swoop and carry them in the shop. Just as I set them down, my sister comes running up and says something to my dad. I was out of ear shot.

I ask him what she said and he says, Your skidsteer is rolled over in the trees.


Now, I am not surprised too much. In fact, I had several nightmares about that.



So I walk up in the pasture (about a 10 minute walk of dread) and look, and my skidsteer is laying over on it's side, boom fully extended cross hilled.

Oil and diesel is running everywhere. The bucket is cracked at the welds. The lift Cylinder for the main boom is on top of a tree stump and I can't see what on God's green earth he was doing with it in that spot. He wasn't pulling on anything. It was just there.


I realize that he took my truck into the woods of the pasture and chained it to the skidsteer. He tried to upright it without me being there. He drove over stumps and logs and through all kinds of brush.


I am still calm, but I threw up twice.


My stomach in knots, I pulled the skidsteer upright, after having to drag it on it's side to get it from cross hilled to point down hill.


Calm as can be, I parked the dozer and didn't open my mouth. The only thing I said to him was, "did you shut it off or did it quit on it's own?"

My guts hurting like crazy, my head in a blur, sweating so bad, I couldn't start work on my plow. I had to lay down. I saw stars in my eyes, I was told my face looked purple. My dad saw it all and he looked clammy and pale. He went to get up and fell back down in the chair.


Neither of us said a word about it to my brother-in-law.


He acted like he didn't care and it wasn't his fault.



2 hours later, I had to use my skidsteer loader to load up round bales for a guy. I got it running, got the fluids filled up, but the engine sounded funny and is down on power. I let it sit for an hour before I started it, letting the oil run back down.


Guts hurting like crazy I got the job done.

I just want to scream. I want to put him in a corner and squeeze him until the drywall caves in. I just can't do it. I feel like he is mentally retarded and doesn't know any better. Even though he rides in a lifeflight helicopter and cuts people's throats open to give them life.


So, just a minute ago, when I was about over the frustration, and stomach pain, I walked out to my truck. He punched the dang dash board in! On top of that, my truck was connected to the trailer when I parked it. Somehow, the top of the jack handle(the spinner) was shattered into pieces on the deck!

He is a complete retard when it comes to anything at all and it makes me wonder if he is even safe, saving lives. He almost let my dad die 2 years ago, when my dad had 41 lbs of fluid around his heart, in his chest cavity from a-fib and he sat across from him on the couch and didn't speak up.

I'm beside myself.

I feel such rage and I can't let it out, because I know no-one got hurt. It's eating at me right now and I need to vent. I just got done being sick about it and feeling a little better. I just feel so much rage and anxiety. I know it's my problem. I'm a bad person for feeling this way, so please don't reply saying how terrible I am. Right now, I might take it the wrong way and track your IP and unleash my rage on you. I don't need that, I've had enough for one day. I know there is always one bu thole who tells me I'm in the wrong. Right now, just shut up. Listen to me vent and click on another post.


I just wish my dad could see what a buffoon this guy is and stop him. BUt, he won't. I can't either. It's not my place and I am scared of him. He is abusive. He verbally abuses my sister. Shot a 9mm pistol over my shoulder at a horse when it kicked the fence....



I'm so taken aback. I just needed to vent.
 
WTF?------I would have a real man to man talk with this bozo while holding a bowie knive. Tell him he is to NEVER use/drive your equipment again. And if you see him near your stuff you will call the cops.
 
I'm not that tolerant of those kinds of people. I'd show him the road where he came in and tell him to use it and never come back again.

I'm sorry for your sister, but obviously she made her choices so it's her problem to live with.
 
IF you get mad enough, you"ll forget about being
scared of him.
Sounds like he"ll be giving you more opportunities
until you fix it.
 
Wow. There's not much you can do about this nincompoop, so long as he's married to your sister. Unfortunately, guys like this seem to be able go through life destroying everything around them without suffering any consequences, leaving those around them to deal with the damage.
 
Time for you to man up and put a permanent stop to this crazy stuff. You are what is called an "enabler" - - you enable all these actions on his part, and then complain about the known outcome. Change all your locks, then lock them up. Tell him he is never to touch anything you own again. Get him out of your life. Tell your sister if she had a brain she would get out now. End of story. Otherwise don't complain and cry about it. Tom
 
I must be the only person so far to think we need to hear more. Is the place yours? You said the truck was yours but still in your dad's name. Is the equipment yours or the farms. I know you are frustrated right now but I don't think this is the first time or the last time something like this is going to happen. IF you own the land and the equipment you are right, lock it up if not just be glad nobody got hurt and start repering the damage.
 
WOW; If it"s your stuff like the other person said
pull the keys and lock things up. If it"s not your
stuff and your dads, start buying it one piece at
a time and then lock it up. Sounds like he is a
basket case and ones like that self destruct in
the end. Just put as much distance between you and
them as possible for now. Yes it is possible to
divorce family. I have a sister who I say less
than five words to a year and when I do they are
very well chosen words. She will twist any and
everything around so I look like the goof. Good
Luck and let us know how things turn out.
 
The only thing I can say is , no, you are not a bad person for feeling the way you do. What you do now, that's up to you.
 
I don't know how, but he must be related to my G-son......Half a bottle of CR is an antidote!
 
WOW I would be a bit mad as well. Take photos of everything damaged, get a police report, get estimates of what it will cost to repair, becasuse that is how much he owes you. Go to court if necessary. Good luck
 
You're the one thats stupid if you continue to support this type stuff.If the equipment isn't yours than don't fix anything just buy what equipment you need and keep it at your own place.And as far as your sister goes she's an Idiot too if she puts up with his abuse so she'd be on her own if it were me.And if you don't have guts enough to stand up to your BIL then don't be a Chickensh*t and take you anger out on someone like me that tells you the truth and I wouldn't give a rats behind anyway.Put your Big Boy britches on tomorrow mornning and set about getting things straight if you aren't man enough to do it no one can help you and you deserve what you get.
 
If he keeps pulling stunts like that he is gonna wind up dead, you will find him one days crushed under a piece of equipment.
 

John,

In my own opinion, I can understand your frustration at the events that led to this post of yours and probably others in the past that have also frustrated you.

We all are sympathetic to your situation but if I must say so I feel that your reaction is over the top if it takes you to a point of physical sickness. Let me add that I do not think you wrong but allowing "things" to give you mental anguish which comes through in your post loud and clear is a bit unusual.

I speak as a man who has lost two sons to tragic accidents, one to an industrial accident, another to a motorcycle accident so I know real pain. I could have gone over the deep end both times but God gave me the strength to endure and even be an encouragement during these incidents. You are not alone, don't dwell on this, Your post shows that you know that you may not be handling this rightly.

My grandaughter and husband escaped a housefire which left them with only the clothes on their back about 3 weeks ago, they have with the help of friends recovered nicely and will go forward.

In this world your problems are not unique and some people can grind you to your bone. If possible, do as others have suggested and secure the equipment if your FIL will allow.

Please sit down with someone like a Pastor who can give right adviceand just talk this thing out. What your stupid BIL does is one thing. How you react is quite another.

I see you are in Pa. so I'm taking the chance that you won't retaliate cause I am to. Do not take this as criticism, just one man who has been thru it to another, Good luck in the future

mEl
 
I know its a pain but start pulling the keys out of your equipment maybe that will slow him down a little.
 
I usually don't get involved but I want to
be a friend here. Your bil is mentally ill
and dangerous. Do they have kids? You
need to protect your family and property.
Lock everything up as suggested below,
then seek professional help from a
certified mental health professional.
They will help you in talking with your
folks and your sister about bil who is the
person who needs help but most likely
will deny it.
 
may i offer some advice from a self employed bricklayer of 20 years. i have people stopping at my home wanting to use my brick saw for there home improvement projects all the time. i tell them i will saw something for them but i don"t loan out the tools i use to support my family. its worked every time so far. is half your anger at yourself for letting this destruction of your tools to make your income to continue? have your skidsteer dealership look at your machine and give him the bill. if he is an emt he can afford to pay for this as well as fix the dash of your truck. would this man be happy if you turned a wrench on the helicopter he rides in? i think not. good luck....
 
sounds like my ex brotherinlaw.took my sister 19 years and almost being killed to get rid of him.i didnt know whay was going on or it wouldnt have been that long.a brother inlaw from his second time around was dying of cancer and wanted to go hunting one more time,took this brotherinlaw,oopps there was a hunting accident.like others said,if property and equipment isnt yours not much you can do.i wouldnt even spend the time or money to make the repairs.he should be charged with tresspassing,theft,destrution of property.good luck
 
It is time to talk to your sister. Mental illness is a serious issue. (I should have divorced my wife after the first year. By waiting 18 more years, I paid a bigger dollar amount and have less to to show for my life.) HE is NOT going to change. ASK her if she wants children. My girlfriend is concerned about her son, because he is just like his father who was not a "well adjusted" person. Genetics are a true factor in children. Her children will have a 50/50 chance of growing up to be abusive also, because they are going to learn it from there father. It is her choice to make and hoping for the best will probably not work very well for her.
SDE
 
Do not feel alone. More people go through things like this than you know. Some people do not want outsiders to know and they do a good job to make sure things do not leak out to the public. I girl I knew in high school had far more going on at home than what was publicly known and at the time I was frustrated she did not want to go out with me. Now I know it had much more to do with keeping her home life private.
JD Seller has quite a bit of wisdom in what he has stated. I will ad that sometimes it can be hard for a young person to find the right opportunity (financially viable) to own a farm. The farm crisis of the 1980's was raging when I graduated high school and lenders did not want to talk to people who could not come up with large amounts of equity for a loan. Add to it most places were out of reach for a kid who had not worked his way up far enough in the work place to have a real good salary to buy land with. A long story made short is if all you can do is a house with a small garage then go with it and then build towards land down the road. Have a space to call your own to maintain your sanity and so you do not feel completely helpless.
 
So he destroyed your skidsteer, truck, and the jack on the trailer. You have a possible EPA issue from the spilled diesel and oil. And this is just one day? Yep get a police report, take pictures, get estimates, document everything. He at least owes for any monetary damages. If not criminally liable.
 
John,I feel your pain as my BIL is the same way
although not as abusive but does have a problem
with his anger,he is always destroying equipment
around the farm that his dad owns,I used to spend
my hard earned money fixing things just to have
him break it or come home to find that he scrapped
a piece of equipment that I had dumped some money
into a year earlier but I have learned my lesson
and began purchasing my own equipment that he
cannot use or abuse. I recommend you do the
same,it has helped me alot. By the way where in
Columbiana did you go? Witmers? I live about 20
min.from there.
 
I feel for you, but is it your farm and equipment, or your Dad's. If it is his, then he needs to be the bad guy.
 
At some point people need to stand up for themselves.

I'm pretty wimpy person myself.

But at some point, it has to be about me.

Your sister made her choices in life. She has to figure that out,
its not up to you.

The stuff that belongs to your dad, well that is up to him.

The stuff that belongs to you, that is yours and you have
control of it.

Rewarding a bully by letting him bully more probably is no
answer to the question.

Paul
 
HEY . that is not wimpy ,, it is c h ri st like ,,,behavior what we all should be taught and strive to be and in events like this ,, I fail miserably ,, I woyuld have grabbed a club the instant isaw that b-I-l and beat him to a pulp,,, and if he was not remorseful ,I would beat him again , and if he did not pay for damages ,, another dam betin ,, and if he ever touched my stuff again ,,, Go D HELP him ...
 
I started to post, and then I decided not to, and changed my mind...so here goes:

I have a neighbor who, when we bought our ten acres 35 years ago, was instrumental in helping us get established. He helped with a lot of the labor intensive tasks, from digging ditches to simply helping move things. Every time we would be working on something he was there to help.

That being said, this guy is an accident looking for a place to happen. At first I thought I had no choice but to let him borrow trailers, power tools, etc., since he had helped so much in the past. Finally, after having to repair or replace everything he borrowed, I had to put my foot down. He can borrow my trailer only if I go with it. No lending of anything that has a motor, or power cord attached. It's a simple matter of self preservation of resources.

So, we are still neighbors, still friends, and he would still help me if I asked him. We pass and repass but we both understand the rules now.

It's really true that you can't fix stupid.
 
John,

I used to BE you. I internalized everything, would never speak up... even at times when I should have done so. I grew up being told kids are to be SEEN and NOT HEARD - so I let the whole world use me as a doormat until I was about 40.

YOU must learn to break this cycle. This does not mean that one must be mean and onery and cuss at people - it just means that one has to learn to establish boundaries within relationships with people and then stick to them. You have to learn to deal with conflict as there is some in every life. Otherwise, the stress in your life is going to give you a heart attack or stroke and you will die young - either that or you will get so angry that you do "go postal" on someone.

A great book to read and apply to your life is called "BOUNDARIES... When to Say Yes and How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" (by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend). It is a great book and is very helpful in helping one understand unhealthy relationships. Hope this helps.
Book on Lifes Needed Boundaries
 
I have a few like that in my extended family also.
I put my foot down a number of years ago. They are
not allowed on my property and I don't attend events
when they're present. It caused alot of feelings at
first, but I stood my ground. Most everybody is
over it now and my family and property are safer.
As far as your sister goes, SHE made that choice.
You can't protect her at your expense.

Casey in SD
 
I feel your pain.

The best way I know to get rid of someone is to ask them to re-pay a loan or pay for damages, and then I hound them about it every time I see them until it's paid off. I appreciate those that make amends, we've become better friends. I don't miss the others.
 
I am no psychologist, but...... I honestly think some people have some deep-seated resentment that makes them want to actually destroy the property of others.. I have dealt with several of those in my life.. Seems like they go out of their way to have "accidents" that damage or destroy stuff we have worked hard for..
 
Your Dad needs to make a choice. Your brother in law or you. Keep brother in law off the farm. Keep Sister off the farm.

I've blown up twice in my life and both times has turned out very well.

Disable everything with an engine by making them so only you know how to start them. Lots of ways to do it.
 
(quoted from post at 08:01:35 04/06/13) HEY . that is not wimpy ,, it is c h ri st like ,,,behavior what we all should be taught and strive to be and in events like this ,, I fail miserably ,, I woyuld have grabbed a club the instant isaw that b-I-l and beat him to a pulp,,, and if he was not remorseful ,I would beat him again , and if he did not pay for damages ,, another dam betin ,, and if he ever touched my stuff again ,,, Go D HELP him ...
hat's prob the way i would've handled it minus the bat.
As a kid our family was bullied and had stuff broke or stolen by relatives 10 years my age that lived on our farm. That abuse continued til i finally had enough when one of these A-holes kicked my mother in front of me (i was 14)and i laid into him with all i had and he ended up in the hospital.
We had no troubles with that bunch ever again.

My father tought us to walk away from trouble,he hated violence.
But as the last line in the song,"coward of the country" goes...sometimes you have to fight when you're a man.
 
Short and sweet, he would have gone home KNOWING that he was a STUPID IDIOT, what he did was HIS fault, and he WAS going to pay for repair to ALL damages he had caused to ALL of the equipment.....or he WOULD regret it one way or another. Like others have said holding it in over the small crap is kind of expected with family, but for something like this boundries HAVE to be set, a line has to be drawn and he has to know which ones he will not be allowed to cross.

The way you now feel is, obviously a result of having held it in far too many times. Letting yourself get to the point you are ready to "kill" someone is never good. Instead, let it out a bit at a time, when the time calls for it, and in the end everyone will feel much better. That said, just because he has medical training does not mean he isn't a complete idiot when it comes to machinery. He's no more qualified to operate any type of equipment than you are to cut someone's throat and insert a tube to save their lives. If he keeps going like he is, ultimately it will be either his or someone elses life that will need saving due to his stupidity. It's time to stop the madness before things get to that point.
 
Have a face to face talk, be prepared to get very serious if you need to. Most bullies will back down. If not I suggest you behave religiously and give him a good old-fashioned Methodist A%%-kicking..
 
I commend you for keeping your cool, you handled that a lot
better than I would have, if it were my skidsteere and truck! I'm
in the same position with certin family members, it's never
easy to deal with, and I wish I knew why it has to be that way. I
ride my atv into the woods and just destress sitting there
awhile watching the wild life, or sit and watch the chikens
scratch around , that really is soothing to watch!Lol best of
luck to you. ;)
 
My $.02...If its your stuff just go and DEMAND that he NEVER touch it again, period. Then lock it up! If your area is like mine for God's sake don't tell the law you had a spill of oil/fuel! Or you'll be payin thousands for cleanup! You can tell him to pay repairs but good luck. As to your sister talk to her if you want, don't know how close you are, but don't expect much. Sometimes people are just dumb. I know a guy that wrecked thousands of $ of peoples stuff he borrowed, would fill a page, just because he was really that stupid!
 
If I had to deal with that.... I'd be quiet for a bit.... and that would be your cue to RUN. Because sooner or later, and more likely sooner, krakatoa will lose his top.... best to not be around.

At this point wether the gear is yours or the old mans, take the damn keys from it and lock everything else up.

Rod
 
I am sorry to hear about this situation. I hope you can gain some ideas from all the advice given here or at least "venting" here will help you some. WhyWas he running the skid steer ? Does he come over to help with your work, or just help himself to using your things? It sounds like it is time for your dad and you to put the run on this loser. If it was me I"d get an estimate for the repairs for the damage he caused to the skid steer and truck and let him know you expect him to make it right and till he does you wont be needing anymore "help" from him . It sounds like most of this operation is still your Dad"s? Maybe you need to have a talk with him and tell him you cant /wont put up with anymore problems caused by this idiot. If this incident doesnt show your Dad the truth about this guy I dont know what will.When I have had to address a couple issues like this (but not as bad) in the past I would write my thoughts/facts out and take a couple days thinking it over before having my say. That way you can make a better case when the time comes. It is too bad your sister has to put up with him but you shouldnt have to . The amount of stress this is causing you cant be good for you (or your dad)healthwise so I hope you can find a good solution. I"m sure most of us here dont think your a bad person because this has got you upset, in fact I admire your self control.Good luck and I hope you can work this out.
 
John, it's time for an old fashioned azz beating. It doesn't sound to me like he's mentally ill if he's a paramedic. He's just destructive and doesn't give a rats azz about anybody else or their property. Just the fact he's abusive to your sister is reason enough to take care of business. I know a lot of you folks aren't fond of city people but I was born and raised on the SW side of Chicago before I relocated to the South suburbs at age 41 to get my kids some better schools to go to. There are ALOT of good people who reside in the city that would love to live the life of country folks but need to stay for employment to raise their families. Believe me, I've seen it on more than 1 occasion. This pr**k wouldn't make it more than a week in my old neighborhood. Time to deal with it NOW and stop the turmoil. Family first and foremost.
 
I read every one of the replies. I took my time away everything. including the computer...


After reading all the replies, I am most gracious.


This BIL deserves nothing.


To preface, briefly and to most of your disbelief...


This BIL had to move into my parents' house.


I live with my parents now after a failed marriage.


They are okwith it, because I do 99% of the farm work anyhow.

This BIL lives here because he and my sister were too cheap to pay rent, my sister hass an animal hording problem, and she has 9 cats, 3 dogs, and 4 horses.


They lost their place. So, for the past 3 years have lived here. In that time they had a son. So now, they all trample my parents. They trample everything I have built for a farm empire and they scoff at anyone who tries to make them leave.


I have no say in what they do. I wish I did.




Thank you to all who replied.



I wish things were different.


I wish I had more control. I just needed to vent. I'm not better right now, but, getting it off my chest stopped my stomach from hurting and my headaches went away.

They are back, but for a short time, things were better.

I appreciate the forum for that. thanks.


I have plenty of love and happiness and information, and posts for everyone. when I feel better, I will be back to add that and enjoy everything. In the meantime, I need to find a way to fix everything. I will take your suggestions you offered.
 
JD Seller,

While I appreciate lots of thing I have read from you, one day when I meet you and talk face to face, we will both understand. Too much is left unanswered for you to reply, or me to reply to your reply. I do appreciate your vigor and enthusiasm. You truly are one heck of a guy. You are a strong, boldly spoken manly man. Your words transcend all logic and repose. For you are one who does not mince words. For that, I am thankful. To have someone with half the truth be so quick to fill in the rest and offer life changing advice... wow. You really hit the spot like a nice tal glass of cold iced tea, full of sugar.

I'm not sure what I would do without you. I really appreciate everything.


Thanks for letting me vent without judgment or condemnation. For it truly take a strong willed man to read it all and then give his honest opinion, regardless of fact.


I truly hope that someday you find such peace and happiness that I have found. For I am truly blessed to have such great people in my life.


When I read what you post, I look differently at those who drive trucks like me. For I know they are humble, well worded individuals. I don't feel the least bit of stress when seeing them in their trucks.


For that, I am forever grateful. Just let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Thank you so much,

Ephraim Euphrates Johann (AKA John_PA)
 

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