End of a dream for me.....sort of

Kow Farmer

Well-known Member
Hello everyone,
Well this morning I sold my last beef cattle. My wife and I have got ourselves into a financial crisis over the years. After raising cattle for so many years and with high feed prices I had to make the decision I never thought I would have to face. Sell out my cattle. As the truck and trailer drove away I lost it. Sobbed like a little kid. How did some of you handle life after a dream of yours is gone? I am not looking for pity from anyone. I got myself into a jam and I am figuring away out also. Life just sucks right now for me. But God doesn't give us any more than what we can handle. So I guess I will see what happens next. Just weird to see the barn empty after all these years. The good news is, I have someone interested in renting my barn very soon to get cattle back in it soon. And I will for care the cattle again. Thanks for listening (reading).
Kow Farmer (Kurt)
 
Its one of those things, when taken away, causes grief, because its what you do, and more importantly, something you enjoy doing. Time will help, so will that rental if can be done, without problems.

I think its definitely a bad day for some, others take advantage of the change, not having to be committed to the daily aspect of having to be around the place all the time. Farmer I've known for years missed it too, and the steadier income, he did dairy since a kid, after the fire, he raised them, made decent money, but eventually realized he'd like a vacation.


I think it hits home hard to anyone who likes this work, in all the varieties of it. I think its much worse to lose or have to sell your land.



One of the most prolific situations I can think of was right here where I live, a movie was made about it, its kind of sad, but provided a glimpse into how hard it is to walk away or retire from something you enjoy as well as when the land slated for development.

I have a real hard time watching the below, as its part of us and so close to home, I honestly don't really know how anyone copes with it.

All of the footage taken is from around the neighborhood.

I think the movie/documentary was a good one, it did air on PBS, was supposed to again, not sure when.
Movie Trailer

A nice tribute
 
I'm facing the same thing. After busting myself for 25 years I am finally realizing it's foolish to keep trying. I haven't sold out yet, but I have culled heavy and am trying to make plans to sell down to hobby farm size or right out. I applied for 2 jobs today, and another a few weeks ago. I don't know how I will react when the last animal goes down the road. I sold out of cattle about 6 years ago, but I still have sheep. A holiday is a nice concept, but a regular job is not.
 
it gets easier with time sold mlne 2 years ago this june partialy due to drought and health after having them most of your life it leaves a empty feeling. i feel your hurt.
 
well thats good bring some cows in ,.don't know how you got in this mess ,you aint the 1st one to break under a load,as long as God gives men ambition it is likely to happen , only can say BTDT and kept the t shirt as a reminder of the GOOD bAD and Ugly life i lived as a young man,,and i dont want to go back, but i loved it all .. i can relate to feelin terribly hopeless some 17 yrs ago , more than just a day time set back ,my health was coming apart from panic attacks , no medicine could make a difference ,, ,everything is fine now,,back in the good ole days before eveything wadded up ,a normal day for me started 6 am , chekin sow barn , 7;15 drove 5 kids to bus stop , 7;30 ,load out truck for home improvement businez ,on the job at 8 , stay til 4 , sell and write more jobs on way home,.Wife and i took care of farm,crops , equipment woes ,and animals and family needs til dark ,then i would go to Dads and feed 200 hoggs on slatted floors ,,.one day wifeof 18yrs told me she was done ,, and SHE WAS NOT KIDDIN ,THIS GAL WAS THE BEST ,and i could not fix it regardless , went thru horrible demolition,. i shoulda known better , but we were to young ,, ,,.dad warned me that i was holdinn the pedal on the floor tooo dam long and everything was gonna blow if i did not ease up ,, but debt will drive a guy to pay his bills ..get out of debt and stayout .find a good country preacher with mutual respect ,get rite with the man upstairs ,and stay there .. and in time true wisdom will make you realize what is truely important and all will work out ...
 
I literally lost a fortune in the stock market. Then I lost my high paying job on top of it, requiring me to pull what was left out so I couldn't let it recover.

It was a huge mental blow - literally everything I worked for for years just gone.

I started into consulting, made some good money, started back on my feet, then the economy went south again.

Then I took another big hit in the market. Got into financial trouble, couldn't keep up with the house payments.

Came home one day and there were a bunch of people bidding on my house as my wife sat staring in disbelief from the front steps with my kids.

You want to talk about hitting rock bottom...

I finagled a few things and after a long, expensive legal battle, was able to borrow money from a brother and actually buy my house back from the bank - but repaying him and the lawyers took every last dime I had and then some.

I'm a good guy, I like to work, I always do my best. But sometimes life just chews you up and sh(*)*(ts you out. Doesn't matter who you are, and it doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

But at some point you've got to re-evaluate what you've got that REALLY means anything.

To me that's the love between me and my wife and me and my kids.

You can take every last possession away from me, and toss me in the sewer, but you can't take that love away.

I realized I could die penniless, and still die a rich man because of my family.

Up until then, those were just words - almost a cliché. But I finally realized how true it was.

Sure it was all still real hard to take, but once you come to the conclusion that money really ISN'T everything, and it doesn't have ANY connection whatsoever to your self worth - the world gets a little brighter.

Yeah, there's always going to be people who judge you by the size of your bank account.

F em if you'll pardon my French.

Happiness is found right around you. F the world and all it's fascination with material possessions.

Yeah, money gives you freedom and it's fun to own interesting things. No doubt.

But when you get to the point where you realize you truly don't need it, THEN you can start building again, and adding in a few little "extras" along the way, a little at a time. But I'll bet what you'll find is the things you'll start adding back are more along the lines of nice dinners with your wife, a day trip with one of your kids if you have any. etc.
etc.

I hope you're at least half as blessed as I am in the relationship department. I don't know what I'd have done if it weren't for my family.
 
Look on the bright side, at least you still have a wife. I quit a high paying job in 1990 and bought a run down, 268 acre irrigated farm with all the water I would ever need. Raised sheep, hay and grain. Stayed till 2000 and had the place looking like a well maintained city park. Making more money than I had when I had a regular job. My ex was living and working in town 43 miles from me and would come out on the weekends and help. Our goal was for her to quit when I got the place going good and we had a little extra money in the bank. Well, I guess she had other plans because I found out in 2000 that she had been having an affair behind my back for nine years and had gotten in with the drug crowd. I sold the place when I found out and was going to move her away. Didn't happen. She ran off with her drug addict lover one night and filed for divorce. I met another girl and came to Colorado. Retired for a year and then found a part time job on a ranch. In the meantime I had two other live-ins that took me for a quarter million dollars. Been here for twelve years and have watched it go down hill every year. Lost a bunch of pasture lease and the guy had to sell half his cow herd. This week we just found out we may be losing another three hundred acres of pasture and this morning just found out we are only going to get half the irrigation water that we got last year. So may be looking for another job before the year end. Life is so much fun sometimes I don't know how to handle it. Anyhow, GOOD LUCK IN THE FUTURE. Don't do any good to cry over spilt milk.
 
I have been through what you are experiencing. We sold the animals first and then the buildings with the land going last in the 90's. I still grieve certain things but not the loss of the animals.If you can have an income from something locally to keep the rest, great. Haying times now dry me crazy with the smell of fresh hay. The livestock was ok but not my hearts desire. The auction afterwards of the equipment and the resulting comments of purchasers and they fact that a lot of it was cut up for scrap right on the front lawn was devastating. I hope you do not have to go through it.
I would not rent the buildings unless it was absolutely necessary. I did not like taking care of someone elses livestock and then working a job in town besides which was more profitable. i kind of have a hobby farm now but will have to change jobs again in May so will probably have to start over again.
It is not easy but if you do rent it out get everything in writing or you could have a worse thing to get over.
 
The same thing happened to my neighbor and his son back in 2007 when they invested a lot of money in the stock market. They didn't lose their homes as they were paid for. He told me they had lost around 150K each. I never fully understood the stock market and never invested in it. I didn't buy any new cars from 1959 until 2001. We had a daughter in college and I bought used cars with low mileage. We seldom ever ate out except on some holidays. We paid this house off in 10 years and I worked a lot of overtime during the Viet Nam War. Hal
 
You can always get more cows down the road. I have a feeling, after spending some time not having to care for animals, you will find some peace and happiness does exist when the stress of caring for somebody's hamburger is gone.

The dairy cows have been gone from here for 30 years. They caused a ton of grief and hardship and there is no financial reward to having them, unless you have a couple thousand of them, and a dozen employees. We had 36, not 3600. My grandfather died face down shoveling in the manure spreader on the coldest day of the year, because the web froze to the bed and broke. That's not the way to die. Die warm in your bed in your sleep. We harbor a little bit of a grudge for the way ag products get bought and sold. Farmer gets peanuts, consumer pays more than they want to. It's the "business man" in the middle who bends everyone over. He gets rich doing nothing. Putting your life on the line and your sanity and not getting paid. Who wants that?

I don't know how many acres you own, but, this is a good time to be grain and hay farmer, as long as you are selling it and not feeding it, you can actually make money. 20 years ago, I would get $15 for a round bale. Now, I get $50 for the same bale. 8 years ago, I was getting $1.80 for a bushel of corn. Now, I get $7. I sold wheat in July for $8.89 a bushel. I never thought wheat would ever get above $4 a bushel.

I know where you are coming from, but, don't feel sorry for yourself for too long. You get to do the fun part all over again someday. It's always more fun to buy than to sell. Someday soon, you get to buy back. Just don't ever sell out your land. It's extremely hard to replace that. In my area, it's almost impossible unless you have a million per hundred acre in your back pocket.

I don't know which part of the country you live in, but, if you can take advantage of the current hay prices and grain market, you'll do just fine. Good luck and God Bless.
 
In a way I can understand your sorrows. My Dad had a 250 head stock cow herd built up in the late 60's, 70's, and the start of the 80's. He had 1500 acres of grass, a good portion which was mortgaged, and about 2000 acres of pretty descent farmland. When the interest jumped to 18+ % in the late 70's and early 80's he came close to loosing everything. Now here was a man that loved his livestock. His best chance of survival was to sell all the cattle, grass, and eqt. Trouble was is wasn't enough to come close to getting out of debt. It about killed him to watch his cows leave. Struggled on farming for a few years, then had a chance to drive a semi part time for a major company. (Kinda of a long story). The end result was that he ended up making more money than he ever thought possible, let the farm ground acres drop to about 600, and lived the last few years of his life never realizing it could be so good. Point is, you never know what doors something like this could open for you.
The ironic thing is, my Brother and I farm his ground now, and with prices as they are, we are making good money ourselves. Wierd how things happen. Good luck to you and hope for the best. Bob
 
John,
In 1967 I went to college and the dairy cows soon after left the farm for good. For me it was the end of a night-mare.

Glad someone is a dairy farmer, just glad it isn't me.

As a kid, I did learn the right way to spread BS. Point the tractor in to the wind before turning the spreader on.
George
 
I commend you on trying to figure a way out of it. I know its rough when something you've always wanted gets pulled out from under you. You still have your land and at least you can still be around taking care of some cows. Like you said God doesnt give us more than we can handle. Going through my divorce I felt like everything fell apart and between the ex and the lawyers I was gonna end up with nothing. I had to sell everything including my vehicle, ended up with a pinkish maroon escort that had a cracked head I bought cheap. Mom jokingly told me to smile and be overly friendly so theyd think I was crazy. So I did just in spite of all of them, I honestly think it worked. No one wanted my little escort, ex agreed to the divorce signing over her rights to my retirement not long after that. It got rough financially but it always worked out. I done anything I could for extra money. I have an Uncle that helped me out a great deal finding me work, I was either on a piece of equipment or building something every free minute for about three years. I have to say I learned alot during that time and it definitely shaped who I am now. You will pull through this and learn along the way its just part of life.
 
my dad sold his off in 1984 hay got to be a problem and he had arthritis real bad. i had married and left in 1 981 he just didnt feel he could manage anymore,still kind of hated to see em go
 
You know, when it happens, we feel like we've completely failed, it's all our fault, and no one has ever had it happen to them before. As you can see from the posts below, You're not alone. Lots of us have gone belly up in business, farming or otherwise. Some, like me, made some bad choices, decisions, or had things happen. Others just got in too deep to climb out again. A dairy farmer friend of mine told me one time that he was in debt so far they couldn't afford to sell him out. His milk check went straight to the bank to pay on his overdue accounts. Guess what, they sold him out, and he's a lot happier now than he was the 20 years before because he's not worried now. I went broke in the garage business. I was in a car wreck in 86 and couldn't work for a year, lost everything, shop, wreckers and all. Kept the house and my family kept me. I too have been so blessed to have a good wife that has stood by me. Hang in there, you WILL overcome this & be OK in the long run. Keith
 
I can't imagine my cows leaving the farm even though I don't spend much time with them. (Not my part of the dairy operation) I bet my reaction would be similar to yours if not worse. It's hard to see such a big part of your life leave and you knowing it's not coming back. That being said you mat be able to get things in order & get another heard if that's what you choose to do. Good luck on the next part of your adventure that is life.
 
It hit Dad pretty hard when he had to send all the cows down the road- he started a dairy from nothin' on some poor ground in 1951, but kept at it until '61. Trouble was, we could never make much money at it. Made a decent living until milk prices crashed in '58, so in '59 we put up grass hay instead of buying alfalfa. Big mistake- production went to nothing, and it didn't come back until the next lactation- got him so far behind that Mom had to go to work in '59, and by '61 we were done.

I was 13 that summer, and did the milking while dad worked as a carpenter. Our cattle hauler could haul 5 cows comfortably, so every Friday after morning milking, he would show up and we'd load out 5 more to go to the auction. I got to pick, and of course, I kept the ones I liked best 'til last, which was probably a mistake. When the last 5 went down the road, I just stood by the milkhouse and bawled as I watched the truck disappear.

Dad was real depressed for a year or so- I remember on weekends, he'd just sit in his chair and read- had no interest in doing any farm stuff. But I got into FFA, got a summer job with the angus breeder across the back fence, and started getting some cattle. That kind of perked him up again, and he was his old self again.

Happy ending- he didn't lose the farm, and that same sandy ground that was so poor to farm, really worked well for building houses. He split the place into about 6 parcels, built some houses and sold them, and ended up retiring at age 53, with enough contract income to keep them going.
 
When I quit farming after nine years, I said two of the happiest days of my life were the day I started farming and the day I quit.

I turned to new ventures and got on with my life.
 
Kurt,
I feel for you. But better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. Keep your chin up and you"ll find another path.

Pete
 
Kow Farmer, sorry to hear that. I know from reading your posts how much you enjoyed the cattle. Hopefully leasing the barn and pastures will help you with your financial plan as well as your spirit since you can still go out there and commiserate with the cattle.
 
A good time to review 1 Corinthians 10:13

God doesn't give us any more than what we can handle.
A common quote that sounds like it could have come from the bible but did not.

Down does not mean (out) Meaning you may be down but as long as you have your health you are not out.

Regroup and come up with a long term plan to get back on top.
Many wealthy people have gone bust more than once on the way to their dreams.
 
Sorry to hear that too. About 6 years ago my wife got sick and I had to sell all my colectable tractors and machinery. I was lucky in that I found a relative to buy my dad's dc with the agreement that I could buy it back when I could. I was finally able to do that this year. The biggest heartbreak was selling the 830 that my youngest son and I restored together. I had some tough times dealing with that. Just stay after it and maybe some day you will get some back.
 
My father used to say ' when one door shuts another opens" I hope
a better one opens for you real soon.
All the very best.....Sam
 
(quoted from post at 14:24:35 03/07/13) Hello everyone,
Well this morning I sold my last beef cattle. My wife and I have got ourselves into a financial crisis over the years. After raising cattle for so many years and with high feed prices I had to make the decision I never thought I would have to face. Sell out my cattle. As the truck and trailer drove away I lost it. Sobbed like a little kid. How did some of you handle life after a dream of yours is gone? I am not looking for pity from anyone. I got myself into a jam and I am figuring away out also. Life just sucks right now for me. But God doesn't give us any more than what we can handle. So I guess I will see what happens next. Just weird to see the barn empty after all these years. The good news is, I have someone interested in renting my barn very soon to get cattle back in it soon. And I will for care the cattle again. Thanks for listening (reading).
Kow Farmer (Kurt)
orry for all your troubles. Some how it will all work out. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other & remember that we as individually are not like Wash DC, debit [b:3c44bc3836]does[/b:3c44bc3836] control us, so the object is to shed that 'control'.
 
I am going to get myself in real trouble but here goes,the happiest day I had in a long time is when we loaded the last dairy cow on the truck and they picked up the last load of milk.
 
I havent read all of the post below but maybe you could rent out your barnand pasture to a young farmer who is also struggleing and trying to make it. It might give you more satifaction than raiseing your own and no cost to you except your experiance and guidence.
 

George,

If you ever start to miss the dairy cows just go to a neighbor's farm and help him milk for 20 minutes and then walk away. Walking away after 20 minutes feels incredible!

It's funny how when the cows leave, you finally have money to buy all the farm equipment and stuff that you needed when you had cows. I got tractors with cabs now!

I found that people on online classifieds give away horse manure for free and some even deliver for free. Glad I kept the manure spreader. It's fun to run when the tractor has a cab!
 
Kurt,
I went through that in 2001, and I thought the world was going to end. It didn't.
The ex and her brother ran the place down a bit, but I got it back 2 years ago. I am still here to make a difference to my Boy's and myself. I have my health and you do too.
Ask any rich man on his deathbed, and he would give it all up for health. You will come back smarter and stronger than you are now and it will work out. If you truly believe in yourself, you will succeed. I have no doubt. BTDT.
 
Thank you everybody for some very encouraging words. I needed them to help me get through today. I am thankful I have a great wife, 3 kids and 3 wonderful little grandson's. I have wonderful neighbor's that look out for each other when things get rough also. So I will continue my prayers and faith will get me through this I know. I really enjoyed reading each and every one of your comments. THANK YOU ALL! I fell better being able to talk about this. I have a hard time telling even my closest friends or family that I hurt like he11 inside sometimes. That is why this website is so wonderful. Thank you again everyone. Much obliged.
Kow Farmer (Kurt)
 
Thats IS nice to know , Kurt ,, NOW, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR ,,..print all these responses off and store them in a envelope or paper your wall with them if it makes you happy ,, Bottomline ,, When You find yourself walking thru the lonely Valley of Death,, You will fear No evil,, Along with all the other comforting words of the 23rd psalm ,, you also can take comfort from all the great guys who wish to encourage you today .read them often .. it is a wonderful piker-upper ...
 
Best of luck, chin up, dust off your pants and get back on the horse, tomarrow is a new day! I wish all the best for you.
 
Sad to hear, especially if it is what you love to do. Everyone goes through hard points in their life.

I had a really good boss that one day delivered some really bad news, we talked for an hour or two. Of course I remember it cause it was a bad day, but the last thing he told me has always stuck with me...

"Its not what happens to you, it how you react to it"

Yes you will be bummed for a while. But dont go into depression dwelling on the past, make your future what you want it. Who knows, you may find something else that is just as gratifying as cattle were. Keep an open mind.

Per your header... Maybe its the end of a dream, but the start of a second one.

My two cents,
Rick
 
Kow Farmer, hopefully some day you can get cattle again, I dont know what I would do if I ever had to sell mine, because to me they are more than just stock cows, but yes keep your head up and maybe soon you can get some more,

Zach
 
Kurt, My Wife and I have Been there too Back in 96. I Recon a good Rancher would have to cry some for a variety of reasons, the Financial relief, the loss of cattle that you and your family put Your Heart and Soul into. The emptiness of your pastures, and barns. If you didn't Something would be wrong with you.
Yes life Sucks to a certain degree right now! Get yourself Whole again Financially, Use this time to Reflect and figure out the mistakes you made along the way. So If and When you were back in that position what should you have done or not done!
As dry as it has been, part of your Ranch needs a major Rest, Some repairs and things that need to be done. Some equipment traded off and updated.
Just lean on the Lord and Ask for guidance on your next step!!!
For a while put the energies you were putting into your cattle operation,,, Channel in into your Wife and Kids for a while. Draw closer to the LORD and ask for his guidance in All things
Kurt, Yes I do! know how you feel The lord will help you through this time. and in time you will know what to do.
Later,
John A.
 

Go to Psalm 73, and remember how fortunate you are compared to those who appear to have it made. Feel sorry and pray for them because "It is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven."
 
You still have your place- you still have your wife- you still have an income plan for your farm ( the renter) : you're not getting out of it, you are exploring a " divergent profit center". God's still making cattle- I am sure there will be many more in your future, His will be done.
 

Sorry to hear about your misfortune. Other than crop farmers right now things in the rural areas seem to be in the dumps. Our "current Administration" in DC and the chump lawmakers are really doing nothing to make conditions any better for farms and business, so I don't expect things to get better any time soon. Hang in there, everyone!
 

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