Topic: Re: Ambition?
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|jhilyer said: (quoted from post at 16:27:06 01/06/13) After writing a reply to Cole Younger's post about draft horses, I started thinking about the differences in my life now at 42, and my 'former life' as a younger man in my 20's and 30's.|
I just don't seem to have the ambition I did then. Then, I was building a farm, literally building a barn & acquiring equipment. I looked forward to training with my draft horses, I was a rabid reader of Small Farmer's journal, I did tons of stuff with my young family. I was dreaming, but I was turning at least some of those dreams into reality. All while having an 'in town' job. I did that for years.
What happened? At 42, I've been divorced and remarried, lost a job but got another. I still bale hay every summer, don't do as much with the draft horses, my kids are teenagers whom I'm having trouble relating to. But it seems like all I do is work, work work. I don't enjoy life much anymore. I'm tired all the time. Years later, I'm pretty cynical about life. I tend to see the downsides of everything, which prevents me from taking action. I'm still pretty productive at my job, but not so much in my personal life. My new wife, bless her soul, is a wonderful person who deserves a husband with a better attitude.
I'm not asking for advice, and I know these are things everyone deals with. For 2013 I think I'm going to review my current life vs. my past life, and figure out how to be happy again with the realities of today. And definitely be more productive!
You sound exactly like me. I have every issue of SFJ, horses have been a part of my life for close to 30 years now. I used to be able to work all day, play all night and get up and do it again and again. 40 didn't bother me at all. 41 hit me like a ton of bricks. Now at 53 it takes me close to 2 hours every morning with the heating pad on my back to get loosened up enough to do anything, this is failing, that is failing and anything I drink is on it's way out 10 minutes later and I mean RIGHT NOW! I always used to laugh at old guys talking about BMs, now I understand. I didn't even know what a prostate was, much less that I had one. My hands hurt so much that even if I did get really PO'd at some clown I couldn't close them enough to make a fist so I could lose another fight. It sucks. I haven't been fishing in 4 years, hunting in 3 years or serious trapping in 5 years. I get up, hobble around and I'm exhausted by 3:30PM. I can't sleep without meds and can't drink anything after 8:00PM. Meanwhile life goes on and I'll be out busting my hump like a crazy man till 5-5:30PM and then it's inside and either work like the devil till 10PM or go comatose by 7:30.
And I retired for this?
This post was edited by Bret4207 at 04:39:11 01/07/13.
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