jhilyer

Member
After writing a reply to Cole Younger's post about draft horses, I started thinking about the differences in my life now at 42, and my 'former life' as a younger man in my 20's and 30's.

I just don't seem to have the ambition I did then. Then, I was building a farm, literally building a barn & acquiring equipment. I looked forward to training with my draft horses, I was a rabid reader of Small Farmer's journal, I did tons of stuff with my young family. I was dreaming, but I was turning at least some of those dreams into reality. All while having an 'in town' job. I did that for years.

What happened? At 42, I've been divorced and remarried, lost a job but got another. I still bale hay every summer, don't do as much with the draft horses, my kids are teenagers whom I'm having trouble relating to. But it seems like all I do is work, work work. I don't enjoy life much anymore. I'm tired all the time. Years later, I'm pretty cynical about life. I tend to see the downsides of everything, which prevents me from taking action. I'm still pretty productive at my job, but not so much in my personal life. My new wife, bless her soul, is a wonderful person who deserves a husband with a better attitude.

I'm not asking for advice, and I know these are things everyone deals with. For 2013 I think I'm going to review my current life vs. my past life, and figure out how to be happy again with the realities of today. And definitely be more productive!
 
I am 43, I too have lost ambition. Partly cause I work 6 days a week at a job. I am still married to the same woman of 18+ years, been with her for 22+ now. I work 50+ hours per week all the time.
I know this sounds kinda dorky but....If you have everything you need and you get along great with your wife then you are in good shape, enjoy life. I remember being in my 20's, I worked my azz off to get ahead and it paid off. I struggled for the first few years being a bachelor.
I read a quote from Henry Ford or Edison long ago. "work hard while you are young, because you may not be able to later in life"
I also read another quote that says,
"youth is wasted on the young" When we are young we take for granted all the "stuff" we can do, like athletics, Also being able to swing a hammer for 10 hours outside building a back deck. (I could do it now at a slower pace)
 
Speaking from the same experience 25 years ago at the same age my choice was to re prioritize my life and goals. Teenagers get fed a lot of BS from their mother who seems to give them everything but discipline and you are seeing the result of that. The good news is sometime in their 20s they realize Dad was right about a lot more things then they let on and the relationships grow after that. The goals change simply because we are getting older and maybe smarter. Life isn't about how much material things you end up with rather how you live your life. Right now with the direction this country is going there is less and less incentive to take risks and build something for your children.
 
You have a lot of years left to have a good life especially if you have a good wife. I was divorced at age 30 many years ago. Sometime it is hard to have a good outlook. I pray everyday and ask God to help me have a good outlook on life. I also thank God for all the good things he gave me in life. Ultimately it is up to each of us to have a good life. Of course luck sometimes plays a big part in our life.I always try to play the hand I get dealt. Maybe this will help you.
 
You're just at "that age". I was burned out on milking cows at that age,just going through the motions. The wife was happy with her job,the kids were happy with their high school sports and social lives,I was just working everyday. But,finally,nine years ago after the kids were out of here,I sold the dairy cattle,the wife and I started to travel a little,had a social life again and it's the best time of my life.

The point is,yea,life sucks at your age,but hang in there,save a little money and things will be a whole lot better on down the road.
 
Have you had a checkup at the doctor lately?

When I turned 50 in 2007 I also lost all my get up and go. When 6 or 7 at night came I was shot for the day. I was use to 15 hour days and could not make 10 in the spring.

By mid summer I was pretty sick. I ended up in the ER one weekend and found to have CML. After a few months of treatments I was back to 14 hour days for the fall harvest.

They said I may have had CML for a year before I found out.

That was 5 years ago and still feeling good with daily Medicine. So far I am still in remission.

You might want to get a good checkup.

Gary
 
I find myself where you are at as well, I am even the same age.Still have my first wife of 20 years but I can not connect with my children very well. They are in a hurry for the biggest,newest and fastest.They want new tractors but for me the 4020 has been fine for 20 years and will do my work for 20 more.I have lots of dreams and plans but find that getting them done is almost impossible.Having a smaller farm with less income gets depressing when you see things that should be done but are short on the cash to do them.I wish I had answers but find my self right where you are.
 
Don't make the mistake of thinking that your useful life is effectively over at 42. At 42 I was starting over: new wife, new child, new job. I had neither the proverbial pot nor window.

Today at nearly 72 life is pretty good---nice place, lots of toys, no debt and pretty good chunk of cash in the bank. No question that luck played an important part in that, but you have to remember the old adage, "The harder I work the luckier I get." I did work: work was my hobby---my only hobby. I don't fish, hunt or golf. I looked at the work as something fun; I liked a sense of accomplishing things, making something out of nothing, making something better. My point is, I suppose, that most of us have to work, so might as well enjoy it. You're still young, whether you think so or not. You've got plenty of time.
 
I agree with IaGary.
Get a physical right away!
At the age of 39 I was running on empty.
It got to where I was having difficulty
catching My breath.
I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure.
While they were trying to get Me straightened
out they found I also had Sleep Apnea and a lack of Testoserone.
I'm now 51 and start my day with 16 pills and I
Still feel like crap.
Don't put off getting checked out!
Good Luck.
Steve A W
 
I remember the same feeling as you are going thru, but it came in my late forties, early fifties. I was in a fog. Now at 62 I feel good. I look back and wonder how I had time to do everything I was doining. I suffered from stress and it lead to panic attacks, you don't want to go there. I was on a SRI for awhile and it made a huge differance. Now I enjoy life.
 
You sound like where I was at 4 years ago. I was fired from a job that I hated. The wife and I were having problems. The kids were getting on my nerves. A former service manager and I opened an automotive repair business. We have never looked back. We have a lot to be thankful for. I work a lot of hours, it isn't easy. But you know what? I am thankful every day. I have a lot of blessings. Sometimes I remind my employees that there re people with MBA's living in their cars in California, if the media is to be believed. It sounds as though you have things to be thankful for also. Perhaps you just need to look on the positive side of things, you know, count your blessings.
 
I know exactly what you mean. The last year I milked cows,I'd wake up at 3am every morning with anxiety attacks like nobody else would believe. I took those PM pain pills to try to sleep through the night,or at least a little longer. Only happened once after those miserable cows went,and that was about a month after I sold them. I woke up wondering if I could make a living without'em,but I've done just fine.
 
+1 for getting a phisical. If there is no health reason for the lack of ambition,start by giving thanks for what you have(health,able to feed and shelter your family and at least a hundred more pluse you are 42 instead of 92.
Pleasure and sense of self worth comes in many diffenent ways to many different people,find yours. It's not nessary to undertake a full bore car or tractor restoration. The same man stops at a stream near me to fish. He is dressed in suit and tie when he arrives but is in waders within 3 minutes headed down the bank. He's there from 10 to 30 minutes most days but I suspect the lingth of time there is of little concurn to him. Think it over.
There are things you and your kids can injoy togeather,you need to find some.
Somthing simple as going out for breakfast or mutaly injoyed board game is a start and likly opens other unseen doors. Shared intrests are going to come and go. You should come and go with it. Bridging generation gap isn't easy but sure is benificial to both parties when sucessful. For me it has been camping and hunting. #1 son and I until he discovered girls and started again when #1 grandson was 7. When #1 g.son found girls,#1 son,#2 grandson and me continued. Two years ago #1 grandson was back but #2 was comi9ng into rut. I am confident #2 g.son will be back and hopfully I am still able and there is one or more younguns also. The benifit to both generations comes in the form of my knowledge and financial support for them,erecting blinds in 100+ deg weather,hauling firewood and other chores I find difficult for me. Sense of satisfaction and worth for them is knowing how to dress what they kill and properly cape tropheies. For me it has been leaving the legacy of knowledge. For all of us,priceless.
 
Been through some of that. It really set in to me that life is an audition for something else. Hoping to make the cut.
 
I'm 45 and a lot of what you say resonates with me. I'm divorced and haven't remarried. Some days I just want to stay in bed. Used to be I'd get up earlier on the weekends to go huntin', fishin' or to play with my hobbies. Now the weekends are just another workday-either catching up on my in-town job, or chores here on the farm.

Best I can say is to talk it out and don't let it fester. I hope your wife is understanding enough to hear you out. As for me, my hound dog listens some of the time, but mostly just wants me to throw the ball again.
 
After a few setbacks over the last couple of years including being burned out of my farmhouse, I started to rebound until I lost my only child in December. Everything is back on hold until I can refocus. Hopefully it will be sooner than later. God help me.
 
You're body is just making up for the last 20 years. I'll be 42 in August and don't have the getup and go like I used to either. My brother a year younger and my cousin a year old all say the same thing. Some days are better than others, so just get used to it. Before Thanksgiving I worked my 40 hr/wk job and then went and was overhauling a JD 60 thirty miles away for 3 nights and some saturdays. It will catchup with you just hang in there. My kids are 11 and 6 and keep us going all the time. Maybe get checked out by your doctor and find out if some vitamins or a change of foods might perk you up. This time of year sometimes takes me down too. Good luck chris
 
To the OP, I would say keep on doing what you do! That is you. I will keep doing the same, its what makes us different from the rest...
 
(quoted from post at 22:02:39 01/06/13) You're body is just making up for the last 20 years. I'll be 42 in August and don't have the getup and go like I used to either. My brother a year younger and my cousin a year old all say the same thing. Some days are better than others, so just get used to it. Before Thanksgiving I worked my 40 hr/wk job and then went and was overhauling a JD 60 thirty miles away for 3 nights and some saturdays. It will catchup with you just hang in there. My kids are 11 and 6 and keep us going all the time. Maybe get checked out by your doctor and find out if some vitamins or a change of foods might perk you up. This time of year sometimes takes me down too. Good luck chris

You sound like you accept age. No reason to. Work out, excercise and holler. I will keep you young! :lol:
 
At nearly 70 I haven't lost my ambition, but I have learned how to control it. I started retiring at 62, finally got it done at 66, and it's taken me the last 4 years to realize that if I just work for a while every day things get done all the same. Now if I sleep until 8am I just start a little later, and 5pm will get here at the same time. And that's time to quit for the day, maybe go for a Jeep ride in the summer. My week has 6 Saturdays and one Sunday.
 
PAGlenn, I am deeply and truly sorry for your loss, we lost a child in 99 and I don't know if I ever really faced it, just was forced by reality to accept it. I don't have any wisdom to extend only my sincere wish that you and your loved ones find peace. God bless.
 
(quoted from post at 16:27:06 01/06/13) After writing a reply to Cole Younger's post about draft horses, I started thinking about the differences in my life now at 42, and my 'former life' as a younger man in my 20's and 30's.

I just don't seem to have the ambition I did then. Then, I was building a farm, literally building a barn & acquiring equipment. I looked forward to training with my draft horses, I was a rabid reader of Small Farmer's journal, I did tons of stuff with my young family. I was dreaming, but I was turning at least some of those dreams into reality. All while having an 'in town' job. I did that for years.

What happened? At 42, I've been divorced and remarried, lost a job but got another. I still bale hay every summer, don't do as much with the draft horses, my kids are teenagers whom I'm having trouble relating to. But it seems like all I do is work, work work. I don't enjoy life much anymore. I'm tired all the time. Years later, I'm pretty cynical about life. I tend to see the downsides of everything, which prevents me from taking action. I'm still pretty productive at my job, but not so much in my personal life. My new wife, bless her soul, is a wonderful person who deserves a husband with a better attitude.

I'm not asking for advice, and I know these are things everyone deals with. For 2013 I think I'm going to review my current life vs. my past life, and figure out how to be happy again with the realities of today. And definitely be more productive!

You sound exactly like me. I have every issue of SFJ, horses have been a part of my life for close to 30 years now. I used to be able to work all day, play all night and get up and do it again and again. 40 didn't bother me at all. 41 hit me like a ton of bricks. Now at 53 it takes me close to 2 hours every morning with the heating pad on my back to get loosened up enough to do anything, this is failing, that is failing and anything I drink is on it's way out 10 minutes later and I mean RIGHT NOW! I always used to laugh at old guys talking about BMs, now I understand. I didn't even know what a prostate was, much less that I had one. My hands hurt so much that even if I did get really PO'd at some clown I couldn't close them enough to make a fist so I could lose another fight. It sucks. I haven't been fishing in 4 years, hunting in 3 years or serious trapping in 5 years. I get up, hobble around and I'm exhausted by 3:30PM. I can't sleep without meds and can't drink anything after 8:00PM. Meanwhile life goes on and I'll be out busting my hump like a crazy man till 5-5:30PM and then it's inside and either work like the devil till 10PM or go comatose by 7:30.

And I retired for this?
 
Welcome to the world we ALL live in.

Life, and how it works out is often a matter of attitude. Here's the cliff notes version of how I approach life, and how it's treated me. Sure not saying I did things perfect, or that I couldn't do things better. Just throwing out a few ideas.

We ALL eventually get older (except for those who die young..Not a good alternative) Our "best years" as far as productivity and energy happens early on in the game. Some people get motivated while in their early teens, but MOST wait until their "adult years" to get with the program. Having a family USUALLY gets people motivated, but not always. And in recent years, a family doesn't seem to spark that ambition in some that it did years ago.

As we get into our middle years, we (hopefully) learn to use our "smarts" to compensate for what our muscles begin to struggle with. A few lucky folks manage to stay in good physical condition through their mid life and combine both mind and body to keep climbing.

At some point in the game, we start to wear down. If we played our cards right, we're in a position where we have enough "head above water" in our lives so that we don't have to work like a dog. Where I once kept a 5 to 9 schedule, now it's 9 to 5 (or some such.)

I'm 65. No, I can't go out and dig post holes from sun up to sun down like I once could. But I've managed to work hard enough so that I can now afford a post hole auger. That's how it's supposed to work. (And no , B&D, it's not a skid steer mounted hydraulic auger)

With an ever increasing frequency, people seem to be suffering through set backs in every day life. A divorce can put you back to square one. The loss of a job can do the same. And anyone who says neither can happen to them is just kidding themselves. Those events strike like lightning, out of nowhere.

As my dad used to say, "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes the game gets rained out".

As I said, I'm 65. I worked a day job for 43 years. I farm still and have since I was 19. And I own 2 small business', one ran by my son and 2 son-in-laws. I've learned to delegate responsibility. With that, I had to learn to accept what I got as the best effort from people who don't always do things exactly the same way I would have. (That's the hardest thing I ever had to do) I got married young and we stayed together every since. My wife is my best friend, my business partner, and the best thing that ever happened to me. 3 kids, 9 grand kids, and 1 great grand child (w/another on the way) Life has been good MOST of the time. (but not all a bed of roses) At the end of most days, I'm so tired I can't hardly drag myself to bed at night. Obviously I like that or I wouldn't continue trying to do what my wife describes as "way too much for a man my age".

Am I happy? You betcha I am! Things worked out better than I could have expected. That said, not much worked out like I THOUGHT it would back when I first set out on my own. To me, being happy isn't about what I have or don't have. That's easy to say when things are going right. To me, being happy is about my family first, then taking advantage of opportunity and being able to give every day my best effort, regardless of what that effort produces. In my book, being happy isn't the result of success, it's the CAUSE of success.

I hope 2013 turns out to be the best year you've ever had.
 
Hey thanks guys. It helps to know that I'm not the only one! Seems many of you had, or are having, that 'slow down' around age 40. And it's good to hear that for many of you, it picks up again!
 
Your not alone ! At 49 I also have alot of those same things going on. I just wish I had some answers for you and I.
The fellow that went to the Doc. and now takes 16 or 19 ? meds. and is not any better ? Sounds like my experiences with the Docs. around here. Be nice to get a REALLY GOOD one. Right now I only take an occasional over the counter med.
 
I am where you were at.I would like to sell my cows but not sure if I can live without the income.Poor milk prices and a few mistakes on my part have left me with to much debt.I do not know where to go for help with the numbers(my banker is no help).My Dad never was sorry when he quit but he struggled for years and sold half of his farm.
 
So I am 35, female, I know nothing about tractors or farming, and I happened upon this board while looking for any discussions on losing ambition, drive, desire, etc.

I work for a high tech company and do fairly well for myself, but the job is very stressful and there is a lot of politics and over the past 10 years, the job has just become very negative and nasty. I am not married, never been married, and have no kids. I feel the biological clock ticking, yet at the same time, I am not sure I want to deal with having children anytime soon. I have a boyfriend, but not sure how I feel about him (or if I am just depressed and wouldn't feel happy about anyone).

I struggle to get out of bed and I struggle to care about much of anything anymore. I used to have some drive, but it's all but gone. And it's hard for me not to feel like I've somehow wasted my life. I want a family, but at the same time, it's hard for me to deal with what I have now, I am not sure I will do both well (job and family).

The only thing that seems like a good idea to me on most days is to sleep. I don't have energy anymore. When I go to work, I only come home to sleep. That is the thing on my mind most of the time.

I guess it's nice to know that I am not the only person out there who struggles to find happiness or contentment - and maybe feels a little jaded and hardened by life.
 
(quoted from post at 18:30:49 01/09/13) So I am 35, female, I know nothing about tractors or farming, and I happened upon this board while looking for any discussions on losing ambition, drive, desire, etc.

I guess it's nice to know that I am not the only person out there who struggles to find happiness or contentment - and maybe feels a little jaded and hardened by life.

Hi, Beth. Welcome to the forum. I'm not a doctor but sounds like you may have some depression going there. Been to see your doctor or a "mental health professional" about your situation? Might be worth an appointment to rule out at least a physical cause. I'm a bit older than you (57) and have a similar job situation. I've always had some mild depression, even as a kid. When the others were out playing I'd be crying in my room, not all the time but it would hit me every so often. I don't cry now about that now, but get really down when things aren't going well, or I think they aren't going well. When the wife asks "what's the matter" I just don't have a good answer for it.

I will say that having something to do around the farm really helps, even if just cleaning up some old tools or putting together something or working on the tractors (Lord knows there is no end of things that need done!). I have no reason really to be unhappy, sometimes I just am. Hard to understand if you've not experienced it. Maybe a hobby or project would help you.

I will say too that I think the current political and social climate in the country are not helping the attitudes of people either, especially if you are of a more conservative bent, and I mean socially or financially. Grinding recession, high unemployment, socializing of the government and health care, higher taxes, assault on Constitutional rights, etc. all take their toll. In the last big recession I was young and dumb and just making my way but there was a similar "feeling" about things.

Good luck to you, I hope you find what makes you happy.
 
One thing that I've learned as I fashion my life philosophy is that "Happiness comes from within".

Meaning, no one else is going to 'make' you happy, you can't find your happiness in someone else. Even your spouse. You can share in each other's happiness, but only you can make you happy. And that's the problem I'm having: What can I do to make me happy? What should I be focusing on? What changes do I need to make?

I'm going to start exercising again. The best I've felt in the last 10 years was 3 years ago when I exercised on a regular basis. What happened? I lost 60 pounds, then I found my wife! Then the exercising got put on the back burner. Not blaming her, in fact she's encouraging me to go back because she knows it made me feel better, and she wants me to last so we can have 'golden years' together!

I used to be cynical about exercise, but really, it's great on many levels. You have much more energy, you have exercise goals, you have something to do in your free time, there is a feeling of accomplishment.

I think we're all looking for a sense of accomplishment, a reason for being. I have kids, I've enjoyed raising them (mostly - they're teenagers now - ugh), but I don't think kids are necessary for anyone's life to be worthwhile. Unfortunately our society says otherwise, and that's too bad.

Here's the great thing about your situation, something many of us would envy: You have no husband or kids, and therefore you have no responisibilities. Not really. Now maybe you have a pet, maybe you have a car payment, rent, bills, etc, etc, and you think these are responsibilities, but really - these are all things you could walk away from and start fresh. When you get locked down by marriage, and especially by kids, now you have Responsibilities, with a capital R. Right now, you have the freedom to take your life literally in any direction you want. Hard to do that with a family. Take this opportunity! You can make radical changes that most of us can't make!

Yes, I also feel jaded and hardened by life. But I'm generally a hopefull person. I know things will get better, and I know it's up to me to make it so.
 
(quoted from post at 10:30:49 01/09/13) So I am 35, female, I know nothing about tractors or farming, and I happened upon this board while looking for any discussions on losing ambition, drive, desire, etc.

Mabe you just need to buy a tractor
 

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