Ot: Family issues!

I'm a pretty humble person, I don't let many things bother me unless I know it's not right. Ever since I met my wife 10 years ago, i have always butted heads with her dad, A few things,,he brings his beefers in to tie stalls for the winter, closes up the barn from any fresh air and uses hardly any bedding, I told my wife about it, she told her mom and she made him get rubber matts for the cows. Than be boasts how great the matts are! Has no clue that I and my wife made it happen. Anything he has is better than anything u have, he told me how great his honda big red 3 wheeler is, while I have a 4x4 honda four wheeler. He has a JD 336 square baler, he seen my 346 and now he wants one, he can't take it that mine is maybe better than his. Anyway there house looks like that hoarders show, my mother in law has mental depression, but no one has done a thing about it, and she thinks she's normal?? She started coming over to watch our baby, next thing we know my wife starts saying she is getting bites from something. I have no idea what's going on, and say it's prolly spider bites?? She calls a place to come spray my house which I'm not happy about last October 11,, I was off from December to febuary 12,, than had to take care of her dads, and neighbors cows, so she calls her mom to come watch the baby while I'm gone, my father was watching her in the morning when I went to the horse barn, so 3 weeks later my wife is getting bites again, we still don't know why. Come about April 12, my wife sees a bug, catches it and we realize it's a flea!! She asks her mom about it, mom tells her they have 5 indoor outdoor cats, and a dog, which none are treated for flea and ticks. Well she stoped coming over, we had the house treated 2 xs and problem went away, problem is they don't think they caused the flea problem, yet her mom
Paid the bill for the treatment,,?
They have given my wife the cold shoulder since June, I mean they talk, but they are holding a grudge. My wife heard her dad telling my brother in law last month that he needed his help bringing in the cows, he told my bil I had a grudge against him! We think they caused us a problem, now I'm were the bad guys?? We never had fleas in the 10 years I owned this house. Now we have all the holiday chit coming up, it's not that I won't talk to him, but I really think he should know better at 82 years old than to act like this, I think he has small puncture wound syndrome?? As I told my wife, if he feels that way, than I'm not gonna help him anymore, heck his own son don't do anything for him! I dont know, just life I guess, but I did my part trying to get along with this $sshole, and I live a happy life, I dont need this crap from some idiot that's got one foot in the grave and one on a banna peel, I'm sure everybody on here has some family problem!

Of coarse we do but to be nice and not upset others we all have our problems at home. Or if it's real bad we talk to a counselor to keep it within the family.
I know you feel you need to talk to someone but this just is not the place for it. Please go get professional help you really need to.
Walt

JayinNY,

My wife's oldest sister hasn't talked to her family in almost 25 or more years. She had to have her own viewing when their father and brother died. After their dad passed away she and her husband pulled in and honked the horn. She was driving. I went out and she asked if my wife (her sister) was home. I said no. Then she proceeded to tell me that she had to go and get a copy of the will. I told her we never got one either. Their mom is still alive so everything was passed to her. This upset the wife's sister. She doesn't want anything to do with the family
but when she thinks she should be included she's right in front. She's just a Beach. Oops I spelt that wrong... we don't have spell check on here so I guess I'm ok...LOL! Try to get your mother In law some help for her depression. Sounds like the FIL is causing it.

Well sorry. Just a rant, I can assure you Im not the one that needs help, ie my mother in law does??!

Family is so much nicer when there is an ocean and a couple countries and states between you.....................

Trying to get them some help isn't my place, my inlaws have 5 children, 3 from my fil first marriage and two from his now wife. Nobody can get them help, I'm
Ok with that, if that's how they wanna live, but when it may have caused me a problem, that's when I have a problem with that, I mean wife and I don't go in her parents house at all.

I agree, and that's good people skills right there.... Roll

My mother has this sign on her door.

Friends and neighbors welcome. Relatives please call first.

Who needs enemies, when you have "family"........

You are finding out the bad part of having family. There usually is better stuff that go along with the bad stuff.

Remember that some day you will be old and your kid's spouses will think you are an a$$hole too. It kind of goes with the territory.

As far as the flea issue. That is a health issue that effects their grand child and daughter.

I guess I am not a real good people person. I usually don't let things fester. I get right to the point and speak my mind. Letting things turn into misunderstandings is worse than a confrontation.

My sympathies are with you. Having said that back when I was in my last year of high school I put together a (short) list of girls should I have the chance to date that I needed to be using my brain so as not to get in too deep with because of the potential family dynamic you described. In the end I did not have to worry but at the same time I never got to date any girl off the preferred list, either. Lastly take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. The girls on the "be careful list" all got married at some point so there are some hubbies out there wondering what mess they stepped in the middle of.

I agree, my wife, myself and my daughter don't go to there house, along with my inlaws other family members or friends. and now they don't come to my house, oh well it is what it is. My parents live a 1/2 mile down the road, and they don't live like that!

Jay, some folks are like that, and you probably ain'ta gonna change him. But butter him up a bit and take him with a grain of salt. If he's 82, it'll only be a few years he can still pzz you off, and maybe he'll leave you that 336 in his will......

LOL all families have something going on. Mines pretty good now. My sister took advantage of my mom and dad. They have both passed and about the only time I see my sister is if I have dealings with her husband or my nephew who is farming with his dad.

Rick

Since the death of my PIA brother-in-law my life has been a big bowl of cherries. Why did I put up with his BS? He had a weak heart and had stroked out numerous times. Blood pressure in the xxxx. I didn't want to be the one who caused "the big one". His wife, my sister, is adorable, easy going, pleasant, etc. I wouldn't want her to connect me to the big event. As it was, I was 1000 miles away when it happened. I went to his funeral and then went to a tractor pull right after. Haven't thought about him again until you brought the subject up. (;>))

Lol, I don't want anything from them, I just went in trying to be a friend or now a son in law, but he just dosent seem to want to get along, two of his friends said the same thing, u can't tell him anything he's always right! But as u say, take it with a grain of salt, lol

My Dad always said, You can pick your nose but not your family.

I was going to keep my mouth shut but I changed my mind. Six weeks ago we had a board meeting at the cemetery(MIL is the treasurer and I am a board member)it was agreed we would have dirt hauled into a low spot and I would take a tractor out and level it out. We also will put in a new tube under the road, and scrap the sod out of the center of the lane because cars are dragging on the build up. I did the work and now my MIL will not talk to my wife because I did not ask HER permission before for doing the work.(She was picking up old flowers while we had a meeting) She will not say a word to me, but it is hard on my wife. If you have 5 kids and none of them want to be around you, IT IS NOT THE KIDS! and how was your day

Friend of mine always said he didn't have inlaws.....he had 'outlaws'..it does seem fitting in at least 50% of the married people I know!

Lol, thanks for the humor! That's a good one.

Its nice to see that I am not the only one who has family issues, I am to the point where I dont even want to see my moms parents or her sister and her family, If i never seen them again I would very much enjoy that. I know I sound harsh but its less stressful when they arent seen for months or years.

It sure seems like your advice is always pretty good.

I know i shouldn't say this but if hes still out taking care of stock and him and his wife are still living alone at 82 years old id say there doing ...ah..well. not all bad..

I'm thinking some day you will look back on this day and laugh about the ol coot.

just so he dont out live you.. :lol: :lol:

Everybody has family issues. Thing is they aren't holding a grudge any worse than you. The man is 82 years old so I don't think it would hurt you too bad to to suck it up and get along with the two folks that bred and raised your wife for the few short years they have left. Give them an exterminator gift for Christmass if that's what's bothering you, but stop making your wife and yourself miserable over trivial matters. Your wife deserves to enjoy and get along with her parents the little time she has left with them. The alternative is a lifetime of regret and I'm sure you don't want to saddle your wife with that. JMO

First off his age is no excuse and if you don't get along just stay apart as much as possible.The Holidays are the worst and why so many people get killed as people in families are forced together
that hate each other and Holidays have a way of bringing back old unpleasant memories sometimes.
I'd just pretty much ignore them and send them a couple gallons of Happy Jack for Christmas to use if they ever take a bath.Hey Dave ain't the only one here with People Skills (LOL)

She missed the meeting. So whose fault is that(hers). Tell your wife not to worry about it. No since her getting sick over nothing.

My father in law was the same way. The world was supposed to revolve around him.When he died there were two people at his service. The two that dug the grave.

A flea infestation is sufficient reason to advoid ALL contact with them. Now, do your part and help them rid themselves of the infestation and then attempt some sort of normancy, if possible. If not then time and distance is advised.

You just need to hope that your enemies (and everyone has a few) do not print out your thread and give it to the old man, or worse yet, pin it on the bulletin board at the local diner. All of us hate to be ridiculed in public.

Even at 82, you may have generated many years of hostility over airing your dirty linen in public.

(quoted from post at 09:46:39 11/15/12) You just need to hope that your enemies (and everyone has a few) do not print out your thread and give it to the old man, or worse yet, pin it on the bulletin board at the local diner. All of us hate to be ridiculed in public.

Even at 82, you may have generated many years of hostility over airing your dirty linen in public.

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Ever get on facebook????? Some folks are just unbelievable in what they spurt out to the world.......