Let"s run through your checklist one more time:
<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]16<sup>o</sup> outside[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (probably from the Texas Panhandle area - either Lubbock or Amarillo)</li>
<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]spiked shoes[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (CFM shoes popular in all metro areas and suburbs in Texas)</li>
<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]shorts[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (Sheer, white "cheekers" are commonly worn below the waist to display the black lace thong)</li>
<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]tank/tube top[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] * check (If no evidence of a titzenhaulter, definitely deep East Texas)</li>
<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]a gut[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (must overlap top of shorts and aid support to bottom of tube top)</li>
<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]enough makeup to make a demolition derby car look new[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (makeup must also be in proportion to compliment either big hair or blond wig regardless of ethnicity)</li>
<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]shot sized bottles of tequila[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (small liquor bottles can be easily hidden inside tube top during a routine traffic stop and look natural if placed properly)</li>
<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]bag of chips with melted nacho cheese all over them and the bag[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (eliminates the distraction and inconvenience of putting down cell phone to remove chip from bag to dip in can of cheese while driving)
<a href="http://s200.photobucket.com/albums/aa5/jameslloydhowell/?action=view&current=tattoo-on-back-6341028951952161555.jpg" target="_blank">
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Your description sure fits a lot of Texas women, but without visual evidence of a "tramp stamp" or body piercing, she might be from either southwest Arkansas or northwest Louisiana.