OT / Just beat

I have had elderly relatives to take care of the last 5-7 years and am just beat.

My mother had heart disease and was in/out of ICU for 3 years until she passed away 2 years ago. My dad had a stroke about 2 months before my mom passed away that left him with judgement issues. We had to put my dad in assisted living after my mom died, which I think he hated me for for 2 years. He then fell and got a brain hemorrage which left him down for 2 months until he passed.

My aunt and uncle, which have no kids, are getting stalked by a former caregiver. We cannot do anything about it because they are still in charge of their affairs. They have about 1 day out of 2 when they are coherent. I just got in a fight with the stalker, and my aunt is taking her side. It is frustrating when they are able to make most decisions, but cannot see this. I do not want to fight for competency.

Thanks

I have exactly the same thing on my horizon. My parents are 90 and still on their own with my supervision, which is scary in itself. I have an aunt and uncle who also don't have children that are becoming increasingly more confused. their neighbor called me because my uncle is making threats and hiding out in the yard "spying". With no children, they are vulnerable to befriending well meaning "aquaintances" which I'm afraid are going to get their money. I'm administrator of their trust but that means nothing in the day to day affairs, but the only one that looks out. So, I feel for your "weight". I'm carrying my load too.

Uncle is 94, mild dementia, aunt is 82 mild dementia. They are borderline but still competent most of the time.

I could handle this, but just beat after 5 years with my folks.

David,

Sorry to hear of your troubles, this sounds like a very stressful and tough situation.

I doubt your Dad "hated" you, but rather the fact that after his stroke he was unable to take care of himself, not to mention that losing your Mom was difficult to deal with even in the best of circumstances.

A few years back my Grandfather had a stroke, and was not the same after. He called people by the wrong names, sometimes did odd things, and at times was a bit difficult to deal with. This was quite frustrating for Grandpa, he had always done his own thing and after his stroke even speaking and doing simple tasks proved difficult.

Dad took this pretty hard, thought that Grandpa was angry at him, and was especially hurt when Grandpa couldn't remember his name or who he was at times. Very common after a stroke, but difficult to accept no less. Grandpa passed away last October, pretty much the same way your father did. Lost his balance and fell, hit his head. Didn't seem like a big deal at the time, and even the ambulance crew that checked him out saw nothing wrong. A few hours later, he was unconscious and unresponsive, and passed a while later in ICU. Brain bleed from the fall, nothing the doctors could do to help.

As for the situation with your Aunt and Uncle, that sounds like a very bad deal. I can understand how this must be really frustrating, especially after taking care of your parents for so many years.

I hope that things improve for you and your family.

Big,

I do know he did not hate me, but hated the situation. I was just
the one there that reminded him of the way it was. I have his
tractors, tools and equipment now. They remind me daily of him
and I am proud to have them and care for them.

David,
You're doing a very honorable work. My 94 year old father passed away in April, and my 90 year old uncle, in August. I provided personal care over the last few years too. I just kept thinking of all the years Dad and Mom took care of me when I entered this world.

While it is very tiresome, what an honor to take care of these old warriors!

Our Savior spend the bulk of his time relieving suffering while he walked this earth. He understands. SOON this whole thing will be over.

Keep your chin up....


Glenn F.