Bought my nephew a rifle--sister in law freaked-out

littlefarmer · May 28, 2011

My nephew turned 13 last week, and for a birthday present I bought him a .22 rifle. He visited the farm yesterday and I gave it to him and he had a great time plinking cans and shooting at a target board.

Well--last night I get a call from his mom (my sister in law) and she just went ballistic on me that she didn't want me "introducing him to guns". And she went on about "the violence that guns cause in the world" and so on.

Now let me tell you that I'm not a big "gun guy" (I don't even belong to the NRA) or were any of us in our family. I don't even hunt. But my dad always insisted that we at least do some shooting so that we would be confident handling rifles and shotguns. I didn't see anything wrong or dangerous with letting my nephew handle a rifle under adult supervision.

My brother hasn't said anything to me yet, but I am afraid I may have made a real mess of things. I feel so bad about this and don't know what to do. The kid really enjoyed the shooting practice, and it's going to break my heart to tell him the next time he comes out to the farm that he can't do it.

Spotted Horse · May 28, 2011

Guns don't "cause violence", they are simply a tool in the hands of their user.
Humans are often violent, and have been since the dawn of mankind. If someone actually wishes to do harm to another person they'll find a "different tool" to use if they don't have a gun.

rrlund · May 28, 2011

She probably made the boy play soccer instead of baseball didn't she? More European don't'cha know. A little trip to the library instead of watching TV?

Kentb of SWMO · May 28, 2011

It is the children THAT ARE NOT introduced/taught about guns correctly that cause much of the violence. You might point this out to your Sister-in-Law.

Kent

Phil in Pa · May 28, 2011

I suppose you have to respect the wishes of the parents regardless of how naive they might be.

Good learning experience for the kid.

Tony in Mass. · May 28, 2011

Explain to your brother it is too bad about the cold shoulder his wife will have from now on, not ever getting invited to your place for any reason, people like her -and her politics, can't stand being ignored. If the problem continues, buy your nephew a very nice rifle when he turns 18. Trouble is, if he comes over to your place and so much as gets a bug bite, you are the terrorist. I still enjoy the cold should routine, When ever I get a abundant BS line, I walk away, they love a fight.... it needs an audience to survive...

David G · May 28, 2011

You should ALWAYS check with parents on gifts. They are the ones that deal with the day to day issues. My kids have gotten so many non-gun gifts that we have ended up taking away.

I own guns, but do not plan to let my kids have free access to guns until they are 18. The guns are locked in a safe where kids and thieves can not get to them.

RodinNS · May 28, 2011

Hmmm. I guess I won't say anything about your brother's wife... but I think you should have checked with them first before buying a gun for the boy.... Probably best to say you're sorry now and hope it blows over.

Rod

T_Bone · May 28, 2011

(quoted from post at 10:39:20 05/28/11) You should ALWAYS check with parents on gifts. They are the ones that deal with the day to day issues. My kids have gotten so many non-gun gifts that we have ended up taking away.

I own guns, but do not plan to let my kids have free access to guns until they are 18. The guns are locked in a safe where kids and thieves can not get to them.

Before you get that warm and fuzzy feeling about your gun safe, you best go on You Tube and look what a 11yo kid can do with a electronic key pad safe in under one minute.

2yrs ago on Thanksgiving, I lost 11 long rifles, 4 handguns and $2971 cash and most likely while we were at home, all locked into a 14-gun Sentry gun safe. They unlocked the door, removed all the items listed then closed and locked the door again. Sentry will send you the combination if you ask for it then deny if anyone has ever inquired about that safes combination. This was a mechanical lock safe.

40yrs Prior to that, I hid my guns in my home and never lost one gun nor had any of my children play with them. So please tell me again just how safe is a gun safe ?

T_Bone

Anonymous-0 · May 28, 2011

buying him a .22 isn't going to turn him into Ted Bundy. Ask her what people used to commit crimes before guns, does she know the story about Cain and Abel? Take some time to teach him how to handle a gun and to respect it, my dad did as I did for my son, those lessons last a lifetime. She can either get over it or be made for a long time! Sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

MarkB_MI · May 28, 2011

Well, you should have talked to your brother first, but it speaks volumes that his wife called you directly and you haven't heard from him at all.

Call your brother directly, ideally when you know his wife won't be around, and try to smooth things out with him. He may or may not be receptive to your apologies, but you should at least try; maybe you can work out an arrangement where your nephew can still use the rifle when he visits. If not, at least you tried. My brother married a sociopath, and he no longer is capable of doing his own thinking. The same might be true with your brother.

Pat-CT · May 28, 2011

better you then the "grand theft auto" video games.

old · May 28, 2011

I think you probably should have asked the parent first, but that said nothing wrong with guns at all. Guns do not kill people gun do not cause harm to any thing it is the person that has the gun that is the problem not the gun its self but few people understand that. A gun be it a rifle or hand gun is a simple tool nothing more nothing less. So if the kid is raised the way he should be then it should be just fine. Shoot I had my first rifle at the age of 7 or 8

CLTX · May 28, 2011

You really didn't do anything wrong EXCEPT that you did not talk to the parents first. If I were in your shoes, I would call your SIL and apologize for not consulting her/them first. Explain that you had no intention of going against their wishes, that you only wanted to teach your nephew safe and responsible gun handling, should he ever want to hunt or shoot for pleasure. If she cannot accept that, than that's all you can do. I suspect that your brother is caught in the middle. Remember, 'WHEN MAMA AIN'T HAPPY, AIN'T NOBODY HAPPY". You might talk to your brother at some stage and see where he stands. But, don't lose a lot of sleep over it. Your nephew will work all of it out in his own time.

Rusty wheel · May 28, 2011

I hate it when a woman wines and says "I don't want my son to have a gun or learn how to use one. She must want him to grow up a mama's boy. Hide him from reality so to speak. Tell her to go back in the house and let the men raise the boys. I think your brother ought to step up to the plate too. I'm wondering who wears the pants in that household?

Anonymous-0 · May 28, 2011

A thirteen year old is a child by law, you should have asked first but making that mistake does not make you an evil person. Man up and appologize, take the rifle back home and keep it for him if he wants it when he is an adult. When he is allowed back to the farm down the road you might teach him how to use it safely .

Anonymous-0 · May 28, 2011

If guns cause crime all of mine a defective.

Dave in GA · May 28, 2011

You should have asked for permission first, but I'm proud of you for wanting to take a 13-year-old and helping to develop him into a man capable of protecting himself and eventually his family. I know how it is dealing with anti-gun pansies in the family. My ex-inlaws are a bunch of them with their left wing, visualize world peace, put all the guns away attitudes. I have 3 sons aged 9 through 17 and they have all learned how to shoot along with gun safety. It's part of a healthy growing-up that teaches responsibility. My oldest graduated from HS last night after completing 4 years in the Marine Corps Jr. ROTC and is set to attend The Citadel in August and wants to be a Marine for 20-25 years. He's already spent a lot of time with rifles.

ihredo4 · May 28, 2011

I am divorced and had the same reaction from my X when I started my daughters shooting. She called me with the same as above and that I had NO RIGHT to teach the girls that. I responded that "they are my kids also and you worry about what you do at your house. I want them to have an informed decision if they want to have and use guns. I don't someone who doesn't know their a$$ from a hole in the ground telling them how dangerous guns are. They will be safer knowing what a gun CAN AND WILL do when used. than to just be afraid of someone saying gun." We do not see eye to eye on anything and never will. Oh Well

DeltaRed · May 28, 2011

Amen!

old popper · May 28, 2011

My grandson has been hunting deer with me for three years now and has his own Mossberg 500 20 ga shotgun. I bought him the gun the second year. He bagged a 10 point buck last Dec. and turned 14 in Jan. They need to be taught marksmanship and safety YOUNG. Kudos to you for introducing another young sportsman to firearms correctly. My philosophy..... A man can't have too many tractors, or guns. He can however have too many women telling him he has too many.

2x4 · May 28, 2011

ooooh - Momma wear the pants, clearly.

RayP(MI) · May 28, 2011

I agree with CTLX. Teaching a kid safe handling of a firearm can reduce problems later. At least he now understands what guns can do, and doesn't fear them. As for the SIL, let her cool down a little, and do as CTLX says.... Later, nephew can pick up where he left off.

JDseller · May 28, 2011

I would get the rifle back. Then tell the boy you will keep it in good condition for him until he is eighteen. Then he can come and learn how to shot it all over again.

As for the SIL: she can raise her kids any way she wants. You don"t have to help her in any way to do that. Tell your brother that when he finds his manhood he can come back around. Until then keep his wife under his own roof.

NewEnglandFarmer · May 29, 2011

That"s sad.
I wouldn"t beat yourself up too much on it. It"s how you were raised, probably how most of us were raised. The real injustice is that there"s a risk the child will grow up having a fear of guns, which has proven to be dangerous. As for the SIL, I think everyone reading the post was shaking their heads.. too bad. We"re becoming nothing more than a bunch of domesticated servants in this country. There has to be an endgame here because how far can this get?

"If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns"

"Ted Kennedy"s car has killed more people than my gun"

JOHNNYfromMI · May 29, 2011

I got my 5 year old grandson a kid sized 22 rifle for Christmas a couple of years ago. His mom and dad were happy as a pig in shlt!

BobbyB · May 29, 2011

I pick and choose my relatives anyway, so I would have no problem acting as if the sister in law didnt exist.

And I see no problem with a kid shooting at my house. It is just one of those things that get to be done at so and so's house.

As far as kids and gun safety, mine were exposed to guns from day one. When they were big enough they got to handle them, shoot them and then threatened with their life if they ever touched one without me being there.

From the time Zach was 6 until now ( 21 ) I would put his gun safety up against any adult. That includes handling in the field or on the range ( he shot 4-H Shotgun for years )

Not allowing a kid to satisfy their natural curiosity about guns leads to more accidents than letting them handle and shoot daily.

Sorry about you sister in law. Hopefully your brother will get past it with you. The nephew, well if I was him, I'd ask Santa for a new mom. :wink:

Brian Jasper co. Ia · May 29, 2011

Probably should have asked first, but it's clear the SIL is an idiot on guns. I have a SIL who believes the same thing. I pointed out it's possible to kill someone just as dead with a hatchet or a framing hammer as it is with a gun. "Thats different" according to my SIL. I'd talk to your brother and see where he is on this. Sounds like she wears the pants though.

toadady · May 29, 2011

I teach 4-H shooting sports, (shot gun/trap) every child should learn about gun safety, if not for his own home, but he could go to a friends house and they could get a hold of a gun there

kids are like dogs, the bigger the pack, the dumber they can get,

Bought my nephew a rifle--sister in law freaked-out

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