I apologize. I never should have given advice without this disclaimer. I hope you're still alive to read this Cody. I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you as a result of my carelessness.
1.Actual crash results may vary
3.Adults only.
5.All federal, state and local income and other taxes are solely the responsibility of the winner.
6.All major credit cards accepted.
17.All materials copyrighted.
18.All models are over 18 years of age.
20.All research statistics are blatantly flagrant.
21.All rights reserved.
22.All sales final.
23.Allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery.
24.Alternate toy available for children under 3.
25.Always drive on roads, not on people.
27.Always wear your seatbelt.
28.A.M. stands for morning.
29.American Animal Humane Society: Safe for use around pets.
31.An equal opportunity employer.
32.Any other application constitutes fraud.
33.Any reproduction, retransmission or rebroadcast without the expressed, written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited.
34.Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.
36.Apply brake before shifting.
37.Apply only to affected area.
38.Apply to infested area.
39.Approved for veterans.
40.Article is provided "as is" without any warranties.
41.Articles are ribbed for your pleasure.
42.As seen on TV.
43.Assembled in the United States from U.S. and Japanese components.
44.At participating locations only.
45.Attendant does not have combination to safe.
46.Avoid alcoholic beverages while using this product.
47.Avoid contact with eyes and food.
48.Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes.
50.Avoid contact with skin.
52.Avoid improper microwave use.
53.Avoid magnetic fields.
57.Batteries not included.
58.Battery may explode or leak.
59.Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
60.Because some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitations may not apply to you.
61.Beware of Akita dog.
62.Beware of dog.
65.Break glass in case of emergency.
66.Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of this agreement.
67.Breaking this seal voids your warranty.
68.Bridge freezes before highway.
69.Buckle Up, America!
70.By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use.
71.By using this system, the user consents to such interception, monitoring, recording, copying, auditing, inspection, and disclosure at the discretion of authorized site personnel.
73.Call before you dig.
79.Caution: Hot coffee is hot.
80.Caution: May cause drowsiness, nausea, dizziness, or blurred vision.
81.Caveat emptor.
84.Children may be killed.
87.Close cover before striking.
88.Colors may, in time, fade.
89.Computer generated driving conditions.
91.Consult your physician before use.
105.Credit will be extended to those persons born before 1901, as long as they are accompanied by their parents.
106.Current at time of printing.
107.Danger: harmful or fatal if swallowed.
108.Dealer prep extra.
109.Demonstration by professional drivers on a closed course - please do not attempt.
112.Discontinue use if rash develops.
118.Do not attempt.
124.Do not drive car or operate machinery.
127.Do not drive in fields.
130.Do not drive with ball stuck on head.
142.Do not induce vomiting (unless you want to...)
146.Do not leave unattended.
148.Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye
161.Do not remove tag under penalty of federal law.
166.Do not sit under coconut trees.
172.Do not try this at home.
173.Do not turn upside down.
175.Do not use at temperatures under 43 degrees.
182.Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.
186.Do not use this product if you are currently taking a drug for depression.
190.Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.
196.Dog not included.
197.Doing so will cause injury and death.
198.Don't coast downhill.
201.Don't pet the dog.
202.Don't try this in your living room; these are trained professionals.
203.Don't quote me on anything.
205.Dramatization
212.Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.
213.Edited for television.
214.Elvis has left the building.
217.Enter at your own risk.
219.Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes.
223.Fasten seat belt while seated.
229.For a good time call 1-800-540-0058.
239.For off-road use only.
240.For outdoor use only.
242.For use by trained personnel only.
249.Handle with care.
250.Hard hat and safety goggles are required.
254.Height restrictions apply.
257.How's my driving?
258.I am a non-attorney spokesperson.
259.If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use.
260.If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to repair them yourself, but return to an authorized service center.
268.If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution, or any action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, is prohibited and may be unlawful.
277.In the event of fire, remain calm.
278.Individual results may vary.
279.Information herein not to be used with alcoholic beverages.
283.It is intended solely for the addressee.
285.Just say no.
286.Keep away from fire or flames.
287.Keep away from moisture, rain, snow, gloom of night, and so forth.
296.Keep off the grass.
300.Knives are sharp!
303.Left handed people excluded.
305.Like any driving directions/map you should always do a reality check and make sure the roads still exist.
310.List was current at time of printing.
314.Look before driving.
325.May cause any of the aforementioned effects and/or death.
332.May contain small parts.
333.May irritate eyes.
340.Mr. Smith is a paid endorser.
345.Neither the seller not the manufacture will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product.
346.Never commit arson. Not even once.
348.No alcohol, dogs, or horses.
351.No animals were used during testing.
355.No deposit, no return.
359.No kidding.
363.No money down.
364.No other warranty expressed or implied.
366.No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
368.No purchase necessary.
369.No returns unless defective.
372.No shirt, no shoes, no service.
373.No shoes, no shirt, no service.
375.No small children.
377.No stopping or standing.
378.No substitutions allowed.
389.Not available in all states.
394.Not intended for highway use.
395.Not intended for use by children or liberals under the age of five.
398.Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse.
403.Not responsible for acts of God.
406.Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
410.Not responsible for typographical errors.
411.Not responsible if you've fallen and can't get up.
412.Not street legal in some states.
413.Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.
414.Not the Beatles.
420.Now available without a prescription!
429.Only at participating, local dealers
433.Other restrictions may apply.
437.Past performance no guarantee of future results
439.Pavement ends.
440.Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
443.Penalty for early withdrawl.
455.Please recycle.
457.Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop.
460.Please return your seats and tray tables to their locked and upright position.
469.Pre-1650 garb required by all participant
481.Proceed with caution.
484.Professional driver on closed track.
491.Read and use at your own risk.
492.Read at your own risk.
493.Read label before using.
496.Rebroadcast is prohibited without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
499.Reference herein to any specific commercial products, process, or service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement, recommendation, or favoring by the United States Government.
510.Results not typical.
515.Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft.
516.Road rage is uncool.
526.Seek shelter and cover head.
533.Shipping & handling extra.
534.Should you need legal advice, please consult your lawyer.
535.Shut off engine.
536.Side effects include nausea.
537.Sign here without admitting guilt.
538.Sign waivers with your real name.
539.Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants.
542.Slightly higher west of the Mississippi.
544.Slippery when wet.
549.So remember, you've been warned!
553.Some equipment shown is optional.
554.Some humor and satire included.
555.Some jurisdictions do not allow exclusion of incidental or consequential damages, so the above exclusion may not apply to you.
568.Subject to approval.
574.Subject to the provisions of the Freedom of Information Act, we cannot disclose to you any information which we may gather and we cannot confirm to you the existence or non-existence of an investigation.
575.Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
581.Tax, title and license extra.
582.Terms are subject to change without notice.
589.The buyer assumes all risks associated with using this product.
593.The preceding was a paid political announcement.
596.The truth is out there.
597.The user takes full responsibility for everything and anything that could and/or does go wrong resulting in any kind or type of problem, difficulty, embarrassment, loss of money or goods or services or sleep or anything else whatsoever.
599.These documents do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my rabbit.
610.This is only to be used as an aid in planning.
616.This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
617.This side up.
625.This web site is not intended as legal advice
639.Unleaded fuel only.
645.Use only as directed.
646.Use only in a well-ventilated area.
647.Use only unleaded fuel.
649.Use under adult supervision.
651.User assumes full liabilities.
655.Void where prohibited except where not prohibited.
658.Walk - Don't Run.
659.Warning: All liability waived! Rocketry is an inherently dangerous undertaking. Make your choices and take personal responsibility for the outcome of your experiment! Protect your privilege to fly rockets by not making the headlines or becoming a statistic.
664.Wash, rinse, repeat.
665.Watch for falling rock.
672.Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
673.What you thought was chicken at that Chinese restaurant wasn't.
675.You must be at least this tall to ride.
679.You should have had a V-8.
680.Your actual mileage will vary.
683.Your mileage may vary.
685.Your results may vary.
Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et al.)
And, of course...
This supersedes any previous disclaimer