Straw Boss
Well-known Member
Pizza Ranch in Mount Pleasant Iowa did not disappoint. We left there looking like the pregnant cat who won't leave the porch. I do like selecting my food from a buffet vs. a menu. There's something reassuring about seeing what your getting. A bit of comfort food even took away the sting of the speeding ticket. So with the awkward morning behind us and a renewed resolve to make a good day of it, we're back on the road!
In the South East corner of Iowa, the Des Moines River is the border between Iowa and Missouri, pronounced Mizz-oo-rah. (I watched The Outlaw Josey Wales starring Clint Eastwood enough times to know that one!) When you cross the river, Hwy 218 becomes Hwy 61. We traveled most of the afternoon on 61 and I'm sorry to say, seeing nothing particularly interesting. Still looking at a lot of snow covered land. But I did learn that part of this road is on what is called, the "Avenue of the Saints". It connects St.Paul Minn. to St.Louis Missouri. It does NOT have anything to do with saintly travelers.
Then Hwy 61 crosses I-70 and at some point it becomes I-64 somewhere on the outskirts of St. Louis. Never did figure out where or when it happened. It just did. But that's what we wanted. If we stayed on I-64 going in, we should get spit out the other side of town and find ourselves in Illinois. Only there were two problems with this plan. One: We had decided earlier to take a detour to the Gateway Arch, and Two: I was navigating from the co-pilot seat.
Now to be clear....I CAN navigate. What I CAN'T do is focus on a road sign, then look down at a map and focus again. It takes my eyes a few seconds to work again at close range. My map reading more closely resembles arm pumping exercises as I have to move reading material near then far, trying to find the "sweet spot". By the time I'm focused in again I have to look up to read the next road sign, usually just in time to verify that I just missed the last road sign. And it takes two people to make lane changes as the car is packed, leaving the rear view mirror and looking over your shoulder impossible. The traffic is really heavy for a Sunday and lane changes are constant in order to protect your life. I didn't have a lot of time for arm exercises. But worst of all, I had to hurriedly find directions to the Arch on my smart phone, only I couldn't seem to find clear directions for an exit. But I wasn't to worried. Something iconic like the Gateway Arch is bound to have a big touristy type of road sign.
I managed to follow our course on the map and follow the road signs. Our newly purchased 2014 Truckers Edition of Rand McNally's best work was not about to let us down! We're talking laminated pages and spiral bindings here! We passed through all the suburbs. Town and Country......Frontenac..... doing good!..... Ladue...... Richmond Heights.....right on track...... now we're in the heart of Saint Louis...... Ok....we need to get off this thing soon if we're going to see the Arch. Yes, there's going to be a sign.......... Have you seen a sign yet?......... There has to be a sign.......... Why don't they have a sign???
There should be a big sign for dummies with an pointing arrow that says ALL OUT-OF-STATE TOURISTS EXIT HERE TO SPEND YOUR MONEY IN MISSOURI AT THE GATEWAY ARCH BEFORE ENTERING ILLINOIS! After all, it's the only claim to fame Missouri has to offer the nation as far as I'm aware of, other than I recall something about Missouri mules and its the SHOW ME state. Hard to sell tickets for that!
Has anybody heard of Wall Drug or Mount Rushmore in South Dakota? Of course you have! Advertising pays off! Wall Drug has a sign on about every major highway in the nation and a few more in foreign countries. Never mind the fact that if your traveling through western South Dakota, and you've spent mind numbing hours in the middle nowhere, one of two things is going to happen. Either your backside is begging for you to stop and stretch your legs or you gotta pee. Your bound to stop at Wall Drug regardless, but its still basic business 101. You gotta have a sign! How else you gonna get people to stop and take a picture with a Jack-a-lope, line up for free ice water or buy a 5 cent cup of coffee? Those nickels add up!
And then it happened. A sign!.... ROAD CONSTRUCTION!......serious?....Look out for that guy merging!........I think we should have taken the last exit!.......We need to get over a lane!......No....I think we're supposed to take this exit..... Hey! What the... Its blocked off with construction......Where did all this traffic come from?....Watch that guy, he's hitting his brakes!....There goes Busch Stadium!..I don't know if there IS another exit!...My eyes won't focus...I AM pumping my arms!..There goes the Gateway Arch!! Did you see a sign?? WHY DIDN'T THEY HAVE A SIGN????
So the next thing we know, we're over the water crossing the Mississippi.................................
Ever have one of those days when your totally caught off guard...if you know what I mean..... it starts with an innocent gurgle, maybe a juicy one gets by you making your eyes widen, then before your brain has time to register what's going on, your body already knows you have to make that awkward run for the john on your tip-toes while squeezing your butt cheeks together? The very real fear of racing stripes in your shorts? The panic that sets in when its questionable if your going to make the last nine yards? Is there enough TP left in the world if you don't? Then after you've departed company with yesterday's cooking experiment, and all the excitement dies down, you just kind of sit there in silence and try to gather your wits? That was our Mississippi crossing. On a scale of 1-100, we went from an excitement level of about 95 down to about a 2.
As we crossed the bridge, silence enveloped the car. The tires on the pavement the only noise. I just stared at the water below. I wasn't even taking it in. I was looking but not seeing. My mind was numb. I quickly went through all the classic symptoms of trauma.
Shock....Denial....Blame....Anger....Acceptance.
I checked the time.....5:20. So they're open until 6:00? You know it's not like we can't turn around! Is there enough time? If we can't go in and ride to the top, at least I can say I've touched the damn thing. It was right there! We were so close!
I've been to the top of the Space Needle in Seattle. I've been to the top of a glacier in Alaska. I've been to the top of the Washington Monument in DC...twice! And I've been to the top of the mountain of paper work on my desk! We can do this!! WE'RE GOING BACK!!!
In the South East corner of Iowa, the Des Moines River is the border between Iowa and Missouri, pronounced Mizz-oo-rah. (I watched The Outlaw Josey Wales starring Clint Eastwood enough times to know that one!) When you cross the river, Hwy 218 becomes Hwy 61. We traveled most of the afternoon on 61 and I'm sorry to say, seeing nothing particularly interesting. Still looking at a lot of snow covered land. But I did learn that part of this road is on what is called, the "Avenue of the Saints". It connects St.Paul Minn. to St.Louis Missouri. It does NOT have anything to do with saintly travelers.
Then Hwy 61 crosses I-70 and at some point it becomes I-64 somewhere on the outskirts of St. Louis. Never did figure out where or when it happened. It just did. But that's what we wanted. If we stayed on I-64 going in, we should get spit out the other side of town and find ourselves in Illinois. Only there were two problems with this plan. One: We had decided earlier to take a detour to the Gateway Arch, and Two: I was navigating from the co-pilot seat.
Now to be clear....I CAN navigate. What I CAN'T do is focus on a road sign, then look down at a map and focus again. It takes my eyes a few seconds to work again at close range. My map reading more closely resembles arm pumping exercises as I have to move reading material near then far, trying to find the "sweet spot". By the time I'm focused in again I have to look up to read the next road sign, usually just in time to verify that I just missed the last road sign. And it takes two people to make lane changes as the car is packed, leaving the rear view mirror and looking over your shoulder impossible. The traffic is really heavy for a Sunday and lane changes are constant in order to protect your life. I didn't have a lot of time for arm exercises. But worst of all, I had to hurriedly find directions to the Arch on my smart phone, only I couldn't seem to find clear directions for an exit. But I wasn't to worried. Something iconic like the Gateway Arch is bound to have a big touristy type of road sign.
I managed to follow our course on the map and follow the road signs. Our newly purchased 2014 Truckers Edition of Rand McNally's best work was not about to let us down! We're talking laminated pages and spiral bindings here! We passed through all the suburbs. Town and Country......Frontenac..... doing good!..... Ladue...... Richmond Heights.....right on track...... now we're in the heart of Saint Louis...... Ok....we need to get off this thing soon if we're going to see the Arch. Yes, there's going to be a sign.......... Have you seen a sign yet?......... There has to be a sign.......... Why don't they have a sign???
There should be a big sign for dummies with an pointing arrow that says ALL OUT-OF-STATE TOURISTS EXIT HERE TO SPEND YOUR MONEY IN MISSOURI AT THE GATEWAY ARCH BEFORE ENTERING ILLINOIS! After all, it's the only claim to fame Missouri has to offer the nation as far as I'm aware of, other than I recall something about Missouri mules and its the SHOW ME state. Hard to sell tickets for that!
Has anybody heard of Wall Drug or Mount Rushmore in South Dakota? Of course you have! Advertising pays off! Wall Drug has a sign on about every major highway in the nation and a few more in foreign countries. Never mind the fact that if your traveling through western South Dakota, and you've spent mind numbing hours in the middle nowhere, one of two things is going to happen. Either your backside is begging for you to stop and stretch your legs or you gotta pee. Your bound to stop at Wall Drug regardless, but its still basic business 101. You gotta have a sign! How else you gonna get people to stop and take a picture with a Jack-a-lope, line up for free ice water or buy a 5 cent cup of coffee? Those nickels add up!
And then it happened. A sign!.... ROAD CONSTRUCTION!......serious?....Look out for that guy merging!........I think we should have taken the last exit!.......We need to get over a lane!......No....I think we're supposed to take this exit..... Hey! What the... Its blocked off with construction......Where did all this traffic come from?....Watch that guy, he's hitting his brakes!....There goes Busch Stadium!..I don't know if there IS another exit!...My eyes won't focus...I AM pumping my arms!..There goes the Gateway Arch!! Did you see a sign?? WHY DIDN'T THEY HAVE A SIGN????
So the next thing we know, we're over the water crossing the Mississippi.................................
Ever have one of those days when your totally caught off guard...if you know what I mean..... it starts with an innocent gurgle, maybe a juicy one gets by you making your eyes widen, then before your brain has time to register what's going on, your body already knows you have to make that awkward run for the john on your tip-toes while squeezing your butt cheeks together? The very real fear of racing stripes in your shorts? The panic that sets in when its questionable if your going to make the last nine yards? Is there enough TP left in the world if you don't? Then after you've departed company with yesterday's cooking experiment, and all the excitement dies down, you just kind of sit there in silence and try to gather your wits? That was our Mississippi crossing. On a scale of 1-100, we went from an excitement level of about 95 down to about a 2.
As we crossed the bridge, silence enveloped the car. The tires on the pavement the only noise. I just stared at the water below. I wasn't even taking it in. I was looking but not seeing. My mind was numb. I quickly went through all the classic symptoms of trauma.
Shock....Denial....Blame....Anger....Acceptance.
I checked the time.....5:20. So they're open until 6:00? You know it's not like we can't turn around! Is there enough time? If we can't go in and ride to the top, at least I can say I've touched the damn thing. It was right there! We were so close!
I've been to the top of the Space Needle in Seattle. I've been to the top of a glacier in Alaska. I've been to the top of the Washington Monument in DC...twice! And I've been to the top of the mountain of paper work on my desk! We can do this!! WE'RE GOING BACK!!!