Straw Boss
Well-known Member
Sunday morning finds us with clear skies and the Sun shining. A snow covered, eye-squinting bright day. The Lord's Day. It's going to be a good day, I can feel it! Being the forward planner that I am (Ha) I had no idea where to find a church in an unfamiliar town. I made mention to daughter that we never investigated the whereabouts of a church last night when it would have been prudent to do so for the sake of being organized in our route this morning.
She just kept fiddling with that cell phone. Finally she says, "There's St. Patrick's in Iowa City". Oh! The smart phone! Right! But we'll need to find out what time they....."8:30"....Oh! OK. But we'll have to figure out how to find....."I have a map! And turn by turn directions". Dang girl! Could you at least let me finish my questions? But I'm sure glad you know your way around that Smart Phone!
So we're following the directions from the SAMSUNG marvel, and we're getting farther and farther from town. We're traveling East down a narrow road so snow packed, I can't tell if its oil or gravel. I knew it! This new technology can't be trusted. The directions are taking us cross-country straight to Illinois via township roads! We'll be in the Quad cities within the hour!
We take a few more turns and there it is. Well...I think that's it? Is that it? That's a BIG church. Man a-living is that a big church!
We sit towards the back. I like a good view of my surroundings. I love architecture and carpentry and all things mechanical. So it doesn't take me long to start day-dreaming. I find it hard to pay attention to the service.
First thing you can't miss is the crucifix. It looks like it's floating in mid-air. I wonder if its suspended by 1/4 inch or 3/16 cable?
I start wondering what holds those beams up there? What kind of insulation did they use? I notice speakers up front but none in the back, yet I can hear ok. With all the windows, I wonder how the sanctuary looks at night without the natural light? I wonder how many light bulbs it takes to light this place up? I start counting light bulbs. It can't be done. I give up counting light bulbs.
What did he say? Was the priest talking? Of course he was talking. Pay attention! .........................Hey! There's no carpet on the floor! There's not even tile or vinyl on the floor! It's certainly not stone or marble. I think its bare cement! Yes! It's colored cement. Just like a shop floor, only they added a bit of color to the mix. That's a good idea. Low maintenance.
OK, sermon time! Pay attention! .......................Just like a shop floor huh? There's enough clearance to get a combine in here. Two big tractors over there. Line up all of my Case 30 series and 1200 4WD along that wall. My corn planter would fit this direction and still be able to back a semi in down the middle. Hey, wait! I need to look behind me and see if a guy can get a big door installed in that wall. My daughter is now noticing my fidgeting and squirming around. I get the ol' stink eye that usually comes from my wife but my daughters have been trained well and are fully capable of the task when their mother is away. I'm not always sure who is the parent and who is the child anymore. Back to reality. A few more hymns and we're back on the road.
I'll take the first leg behind the wheel. We can drive a ways until dinner time. (Lunch time to city folk). We didn't have time for breakfast before church so the girl scout cookies saved us again.
I sometimes try to discuss the sermon with my kids after church but I didn't remember a word of it. I was hoping she wouldn't bring it up. Now I'm starting to feel guilty. Just wasted an hour of the Lord's time. Somehow I have this faint almost unconscious feeling that Karma is going to catch up with me for this. You know. For not paying attention. Well, shrug it off. Lets get going.
How do we get back to the main road? We want 218 South. Turn here. Turn there. Pick up a little speed. No hurry. Gotta turn again a mile up ahead. I don't even take much notice of a car sitting at a stop sign on a side road. And then it happens. You know. That same conversation that's repeated in every car in the US at one time or another. It goes like this....
Passenger: That looks like a cop car!
Driver: (Backs off the gas pedal by reflex) Am I speeding?
Passenger: I don't know.
Driver: What's the speed limit?
Passenger: I don't know. Weren't you paying attention?
Driver: Is he looking at us?
Passenger: I don't know.
Driver: Is he moving?
Passenger: Yup. And he just turned his lights on!
Driver: S#*@ ! You gotta be kidding me!
..................
Cop: License and Registration.
Driver: Yes sir.
Cop: Do you know you were speeding?
Driver: I didn't think so.
Cop: You were doing 67 in a 55.
Driver: Didn't you see me turn onto the road back there?
I haven't even had time to turn the cruise control on yet. I wasn't speeding on purpose.
Cop: Wait here.
..................
Cop: Your getting a ticket. I knocked it down from 67 to 65 for you. It'll save you some money.
Driver: (You jerk! You couldn't just give me a warning?) Thank you! I appreciate that. (#@*!)
Cop: Remember, its 55. You should have been paying attention!
She just kept fiddling with that cell phone. Finally she says, "There's St. Patrick's in Iowa City". Oh! The smart phone! Right! But we'll need to find out what time they....."8:30"....Oh! OK. But we'll have to figure out how to find....."I have a map! And turn by turn directions". Dang girl! Could you at least let me finish my questions? But I'm sure glad you know your way around that Smart Phone!
So we're following the directions from the SAMSUNG marvel, and we're getting farther and farther from town. We're traveling East down a narrow road so snow packed, I can't tell if its oil or gravel. I knew it! This new technology can't be trusted. The directions are taking us cross-country straight to Illinois via township roads! We'll be in the Quad cities within the hour!
We take a few more turns and there it is. Well...I think that's it? Is that it? That's a BIG church. Man a-living is that a big church!
We sit towards the back. I like a good view of my surroundings. I love architecture and carpentry and all things mechanical. So it doesn't take me long to start day-dreaming. I find it hard to pay attention to the service.
First thing you can't miss is the crucifix. It looks like it's floating in mid-air. I wonder if its suspended by 1/4 inch or 3/16 cable?
I start wondering what holds those beams up there? What kind of insulation did they use? I notice speakers up front but none in the back, yet I can hear ok. With all the windows, I wonder how the sanctuary looks at night without the natural light? I wonder how many light bulbs it takes to light this place up? I start counting light bulbs. It can't be done. I give up counting light bulbs.
What did he say? Was the priest talking? Of course he was talking. Pay attention! .........................Hey! There's no carpet on the floor! There's not even tile or vinyl on the floor! It's certainly not stone or marble. I think its bare cement! Yes! It's colored cement. Just like a shop floor, only they added a bit of color to the mix. That's a good idea. Low maintenance.
OK, sermon time! Pay attention! .......................Just like a shop floor huh? There's enough clearance to get a combine in here. Two big tractors over there. Line up all of my Case 30 series and 1200 4WD along that wall. My corn planter would fit this direction and still be able to back a semi in down the middle. Hey, wait! I need to look behind me and see if a guy can get a big door installed in that wall. My daughter is now noticing my fidgeting and squirming around. I get the ol' stink eye that usually comes from my wife but my daughters have been trained well and are fully capable of the task when their mother is away. I'm not always sure who is the parent and who is the child anymore. Back to reality. A few more hymns and we're back on the road.
I'll take the first leg behind the wheel. We can drive a ways until dinner time. (Lunch time to city folk). We didn't have time for breakfast before church so the girl scout cookies saved us again.
I sometimes try to discuss the sermon with my kids after church but I didn't remember a word of it. I was hoping she wouldn't bring it up. Now I'm starting to feel guilty. Just wasted an hour of the Lord's time. Somehow I have this faint almost unconscious feeling that Karma is going to catch up with me for this. You know. For not paying attention. Well, shrug it off. Lets get going.
How do we get back to the main road? We want 218 South. Turn here. Turn there. Pick up a little speed. No hurry. Gotta turn again a mile up ahead. I don't even take much notice of a car sitting at a stop sign on a side road. And then it happens. You know. That same conversation that's repeated in every car in the US at one time or another. It goes like this....
Passenger: That looks like a cop car!
Driver: (Backs off the gas pedal by reflex) Am I speeding?
Passenger: I don't know.
Driver: What's the speed limit?
Passenger: I don't know. Weren't you paying attention?
Driver: Is he looking at us?
Passenger: I don't know.
Driver: Is he moving?
Passenger: Yup. And he just turned his lights on!
Driver: S#*@ ! You gotta be kidding me!
..................
Cop: License and Registration.
Driver: Yes sir.
Cop: Do you know you were speeding?
Driver: I didn't think so.
Cop: You were doing 67 in a 55.
Driver: Didn't you see me turn onto the road back there?
I haven't even had time to turn the cruise control on yet. I wasn't speeding on purpose.
Cop: Wait here.
..................
Cop: Your getting a ticket. I knocked it down from 67 to 65 for you. It'll save you some money.
Driver: (You jerk! You couldn't just give me a warning?) Thank you! I appreciate that. (#@*!)
Cop: Remember, its 55. You should have been paying attention!
